Coming Home - A Quinntana Story
by jenung97102
Summary: Santana and Quinn are married with a young daughter. Santana has been serving in the army. She is discharged and comes home to find she has trouble adjusting to civilian life. Complications arise, and Quinn delivers an ultimatum. Will their marriage survive? Some AU. Quinntana endgame.
1. Chapter 1

Please note: This story contains references to the military. No offense intended if the references aren't 100% accurate - they are just to set context and drive the story.

Chapter 1

The two Blackhawk helicopters raced across the desert mountains in the dead of night. Inside each helicopter were two dozen members of the United States Army Rangers, the army's premier strike force. Tasked with highly dangerous, direct-action missions, they were well-trained, tough as nails, and serious about their jobs. And no one was better-trained, tougher, or took the job more seriously than Sergeant First Class Santana Lopez. As the leader of Alpha Team, the "tip of the spear" within the Rangers, Lopez and her unit were always the first to the fight. The job was dangerous, and Lopez swore to each and every last member on her team that she would make sure they would make it out alive, every mission. Since assuming command of Alpha Team leader a year ago, she had lead her team on over a dozen hazardous missions, and she hadn't lost a single member. Her team trusted her, as did her commanding officer. In her line of work, trust wasn't something that developed over night, and she never stopped working to keep that trust.

"Sergeant!" Santana heard the co-pilot through the intercom. "Lieutenant Stofer is on the line!" Stofer was Santana's commanding officer. He was overseeing the operation and riding with Beta Team in the other helicopter. Santana stood up from her seat and grabbed a headset from the co-pilot.

"Go for Lopez", she shouted into the headset mic.

"Sergeant!" came Stofer's burly voice.

"Yes Sir?"

"Last check before green light. Your team drops in two minutes at the landing zone. Beta team will drop one minute behind you. Your team is to head directly for the target perimeter and hold until we get there."

"Copy that, Lieutenant!"

"Lopez?"

"Sir?"

"Be careful."

"Yes sir, you too."

""Over and out." The lieutenant signed off. Lopez handed the headset back to the co-pilot.

Santana looked at her squad and shouted, "Alpha Team, prepare to drop in 90 seconds!" The members of her team gathered their packs and weapons and prepared for the fast-rope drop into the landing zone. Santana shouted a last-minute reminder of the mission gameplan. "This is a straight-ahead clean and sweep mission! Alpha Team drops first. Beta Team will follow one minute behind us. We are to approach the target and wait for Beta Team, then we breach the perimeter, clean and sweep everything in sight, and get out in no more than 5 minutes! Any questions?"

"No Ma'am!" came the chorus reply from her team.

"One minute to drop!" The pilot shouted through the intercom. The co-pilot opened the exit hatch and turned on the go-light, signaling they were readying for drop.

Santana looked at each one of her team members one last time and nodded. Each one nodded back, a gesture of mission understanding and trust in their commanding officer. Santana turned to the exit hatch, closed her eyes, and though about her beautiful wife, Quinn, and their daughter, Jenna. Then, keeping her eyes closed, her thoughts turned to the feeling of the adrenaline rush that she always got right before go-time on a mission. She savored the feeling for a few seconds, then opened here eyes, checked her rope one last time, and then turned back to her team and shouted "Let's move!" The co-pilot tapped her hard twice on the back, and she jumped out of the helicopter.


	2. Chapter 2

I will be uploading this story by chapters.

Chapter 2

"Bunny, are you excited?" Quinn looked at her and Santana's daughter and smiled. It was Jenna's first day of pre-school, and Quinn had just pulled up to the school's parking lot.

Jenna smiled nervously and nodded. "I think so," she said shyly.

"I'm sure it will be so much fun, and you'll make lots of friends." Quinn opened her car door, got out, opened Jenna's door, and scooped her up. "I love you so much," she said as she kissed her forehead. She put Jenna down and grabbed her hand. "Now, let's get you to class", she said, and took Jenna by the hand and lead her across the parking lot to the school. She found Jenna's classroom and introduced herself to the teacher.

"Hi, I'm Quinn Fabray-Lopez, and this is my daughter, Jenna."

"I'm Sally Tinsdale. It's nice to meet you", she said as she shook Quinn's hand. Sally squatted down and said, "And, it's nice to meet you too, Jenna. Are you ready to have some fun?" Jenna nodded shyly and half-smiled nervously while clinging onto Quinn's hand.

"I'm sorry", Quinn said to Sally, "She's just shy. She gets that from me. I'm sure she'll warm up soon." Quinn was Jenna's biological mother. She and Santana had chosen a Latin donor so their daughter would have a combination of Caucasian and Latin features, but for the most part Jenna's personality mirrored Quinn's.

Mrs. Tinsdale laughed good-naturedly. "No problem. We see it all the time. I'm sure she'll be fine. Oh, by the way, will you be picking her up this afternoon, or will your husband?"

"Wife." Quinn said. "I'm married to a woman, but she is out of town right now, so it will be me picking her up."

"Oh, well okay, great!" Mrs. Tinsdale smiled. "Jenna – are you ready to come in?"

Quinn knelt down and took Jenna's hands. "Okay Bunny, go on in, and have a great day." She smiled lovingly at her daughter.

Jenna looked at her mother. "Mommy – when is Mama coming home?"

Quinn sighed slightly but kept smiling. "Bunny – we've talked about this, remember? Mama is away working, but she will be home soon." Santana was scheduled to come home in just under a month. "Now, go inside and have fun with Mrs. Tinsdale and the other kids, okay?"

"Okay, Mommy. I just miss Mama".

"I know you do, Bunny, and I do too, but we'll see her soon enough. Now, go on in". Quinn kissed her daughter on the forehead and then turned her around and gave her a gentle push of encouragement. Mrs. Tinsdale bid Quinn a nice day, took Jenna by the hand, and shut the classroom door as Quinn walked out of the school towards her car.


	3. Chapter 3

Here's another chapter for today, but unfortunately I won't be able to upload multiple chapters a day every day. I hope you are enjoying the story.

Chapter 3

Santana woke up in the middle of the night. She was back in the barracks at the army base just outside Kandahar, Afghanistan. She rubbed her eyes for a second and then sat up on her elbows. The last mission she had run almost 3 weeks ago had been a success. The terrorist cell that had been holed up deep in the mountains had been eliminated before they could carry out their next bombing. All of Santana's team had made it back alive and, for the most part, unscathed, with only a few of the members suffering minor injuries. Santana and Lt. Stofer had spent two days right after the mission debriefing JSOC and then had spent the last two weeks relaxing with their unit before shipping back to Fort Benning, GA, the home of the Army Rangers.

Santana laid back down in her bunk and shut her eyes, but sleep wasn't coming, so her thoughts drifted towards the life journey that had taken her from New York to here. Santana had left the University of Kentucky nine years ago, during her freshman year in college, and moved to New York right before she and Quinn had hooked up at Mr. Schue's botched Valentine's Day wedding in Lima. Quinn had come to New York a few months later to spend her summer break with Santana before she heading back to Yale in the fall. Santana hadn't expected anything but a fun summer with her best friend, but the two continued to hook up, a romance blossomed, and by the end of that summer Quinn had transferred to NYU and moved into Santana's studio apartment.

I guess it turned out not to be a U-Haul free zone after all, Santana mused, as she kept thinking about her journey. Quinn had graduated a few years later with a degree in English literature. Her dream was to write novels for a living. Santana was working part time at a bar and attending dance classes part time at NYADA. Her dream was to join a dance troupe. Quinn submitted a script that had been picked up by a publishing company and turned into a book. The book sold well, and Santana and Quinn had moved from Santana's studio into a 2-bedroom apartment in SOHO. A few months later, Santana proposed to Quinn on the Ferris wheel at Coney Island, where Santana had taken Quinn when Quinn had first moved to New York. A small wedding had taken place a few months later with just family and close friends, followed by a honeymoon to Hawaii. Shortly after they returned, Quinn had received an advance for a second book. She and Santana moved ahead with starting the family they had talked about having, and within a year Jenna was born. By then Santana had stopped working at the bar and was on track to graduate college the following summer. Everything, it seemed, was working out, and Santana and Quinn were living the dream life they had talked about since getting together.

The dream started to unravel a few months later. Quinn's second book didn't sell nearly as well, and she was dropped from the publishing company. The money started to run tight. The cost of baby formula, diapers, health care visits, and all of the other costs that go along with raising a child were more than either Santana or Quinn had anticipated. They stayed in New York but moved into a smaller, less expensive apartment. Quinn sidelined her novel writing and started writing articles for magazines for a steadier income. Santana dropped out of school and started working at the bar again to help cover expenses. Between both of their earnings they were able to pay bills, but there wasn't a lot left over. There was no tension between the two, as they both realized this was just life, but it wasn't quite the dream of living as artists that they had envisioned for themselves a few years earlier.

Upon returning to the bar, Santana had become friends with some of the regulars. One of those regulars was a girl named Jackie. A few months after Santana had resumed bartending, Jackie brought in her brother, Tim. Tim was in the army and on leave for a few days. He and Jackie closed out the bar, and after Santana punched out, the three of them went to an all-night diner down the street.

"So, you're in the army, huh?" Santana said to Tim after the waitress took their order.

"Yes, Ma'am", Tim said in standard army-issue tone and smiled. Santana laughed. She liked the sound of that, _Yes ma'am_. "I've been in for 3 years."

"Do you like it?" Santana asked.

"Yeah, overall. There are challenges, like sometimes being away from family, but then there are benefits. The army takes care of you, and your family. I've got a steady paycheck, a housing stipend, and free medical care for my family".

"You have a family?" Santana asked. "You look young."

Tim laughed. "Well, I'm older than I look, but thank you. I have a wife and a daughter. Her name is Emily. She'll be four in two months."

Jackie piped up. "Santana has a daughter as well."

"Is that right?" Tim said, looking from Jackie to Santana.

"Yeah, her name is Jenna. She'll be one soon". Santana said and took a drink of her coffee.

"That's a great age", Tim said, and Santana nodded her head and smiled in agreement. Tim took a sip of his water and then said, "Can I ask you a question?"

"Sure."

"Is it tough? Raising a daughter in New York, with the cost of living what it is and all?"

"Yeah, it has its challenges", Santana said, mirroring Tim's choice of words.

"Well", Tim said, "You can always join the army." Santana laughed, and Tim laughed as well, but then, continued. "I mean, in all seriousness, it really helped me out, with money, housing, medical costs, everything really.

"I don't know if the army is quite my thing", Santana said with a doubting smiling and half shaking her head.

"Well, I mean, it's not for everyone, but maybe it could help you out. You join for a bit, you get what you need out of it, and then you move on, and you're in a better place than when you started. Plus", Tim continued", "maybe it might suit you."

"What makes you say that?" Santana asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Because you seem to have a driven, take-no-prisoners personality, which I see a lot of in the army", Tim said and laughed.

Santana laughed too. "Okay, I'll think about it", she said, as their food arrived.


	4. Chapter 4

Thanks for the reviews. This is my first story, so feedback is much appreciated. Here is another chapter.

Chapter 4.

Quinn finished off the last of her morning coffee and began straightened up the kitchen. She had just dropped Jenna off at pre-school and was now trying to keep herself occupied on another day spent alone. It had been 3 weeks since Jenna had started school, and Quinn was starting to feel bored and a little lonely. Having Jenna around all day gave her things to do and provided her with company, which she greatly enjoyed, especially when Santana was gone. Obviously, it was best when all three of them were together, but with Santana gone so much, Jenna had pretty much become Quinn's sole companion and reason for being. Now, being alone for most of the day in these last few weeks, she had been finding random things to clean or straighten up around the house, just to pass the time. This week, though, she felt like she actually had a purpose. Santana was coming home for good in one week. Quinn hadn't seen her in almost three months, and she wanted the house to look perfect for her wife's big return.

The house was in a nice residential section of Columbus, Georgia. It was a cute, single level southern raised ranch house, with a large front porch and plenty of yard. Three bedrooms, 2 bathrooms with one in the master bedroom, separate dining room, a large kitchen, a den and a 2-car garage. Quinn wouldn't have taken it over living in New York, which she had thought she and Santana would never leave, but it really was a good house for a young family. Plus, the dollar went so much further in Columbus, and the stipend that the army gave them for housing covered most of the mortgage. They had moved into the house two and a half years ago, when Santana had graduated from Ranger School and officially joined the Army Rangers. They chose it because, in addition to it being a nice house, it was close to Fort Benning, where Santana was stationed. They could have lived on the base itself and had all of their housing covered, but Quinn had drawn the line. She may have given up living in New York, she told Santana, but she was not going to live on a military base. Quinn missed life in the Big Apple and still hoped to move back someday, but she had to admit that the military had done a lot to take care of their family.

As Quinn straightened up the kitchen counter and put fresh flowers on the table, she couldn't help but think about the last 3 years. For her, it had been a convoluted, and at times, frustrating and confusing ride. Santana was supposed to have gotten a desk job after basic training, or at least a job that was more sedentary, but then the Ranger thing came up, one thing led to another, and now Quinn was a suburban housewife and Santana worked a job where she was often somewhere far away, doing God-knows-what. It was tough for Quinn, both emotionally and physically. Santana was gone for long periods of time, which essentially made Quinn a single mother raising a child by herself. She had pretty much raised Jenna on her own since Jenna had been a baby, and even without having to work a job, raising a child by herself had proved to be challenging. Plus, Quinn loved Santana and missed having her wife around. She missed snuggling on the couch, playing with her hair, and feeling her touch in bed. The worst part was, she really didn't know where Santana was a lot of the time. Santana would call when she could, but often times she wasn't allowed to call, or when she could call, she couldn't tell Quinn where she was. Sometimes Santana herself didn't even know where she was headed until she got on a plane and received her assignment, and that scared Quinn. She tried not to think about that, but knowing that your wife was heading into danger in some faraway place was hard to not think about.

Sure, there was some kind of support system in place. There were army wives around who were in the same boat she was in, and the army provided counseling. But, when it came right down to it, Quinn wasn't really close to any of the other wives she knew, and at the end of the day, she was still going to sleep alone in a bed that should have her wife lying in it next to her. This was definitely not the life she had envisioned her and Santana sharing together. If Quinn had known this was how it would have all turned out, she may have not agreed to the whole army thing three years ago. She may have chose to grind it out with her wife and child in New York. At least her wife would be home every night. Bored, lonely and worried was not the way she wanted to go through life. That thought caused a tear to form in her eye. She paused her flower arranging and wiped it away.

Well, Quinn though, Santana is almost home, and this time she'll be home for good. Quinn perked up at the thought and smiled. Soon we will be a family again - a normal family. One that sees each other everyday, eats dinner together everyday, and I can go to sleep next to my wife every night. Sometimes, Quinn had a nagging feeling that Santana liked being a Ranger more than she let on, but she hoped that after these last three years Santana would be done with being a war hero and actually want a more sedentary job. Well, she will be home soon, Quinn thought, and then we can figure out how to have a normal life together again.


	5. Chapter 5

Another chapter. I have the story outlined but not finished. I will upload as much as I can as soon as I can, and then I will upload chapters as I finish them. Thanks!

Chapter 5

Santana looked at her watch. An hour had passed since she had woken up. She still couldn't fall back asleep, so she closed her eyes again and continued to think about the journey that had taken her here. After talking with Jackie's brother, she hadn't joined the army right away, but she had thought about it often. The more she thought about it, the more it seemed like a good idea. She didn't think she would like being in the army, but she had gone through much of her life not liking where she was or what she was doing, so she figured that wouldn't be a deal breaker. Plus, the facts of her life were this: She was 25 years old, no college degree, not pursuing her dream, no other real concrete life direction, working at a bar trying to make ends meet, the mother of a one year old daughter and the wife of a young woman who was also working to make ends meet. She thought about joining the army more and more and then had broached the subject with Quinn one night over a late dinner in their New York apartment after they had put Jenna to sleep.

"Hey babe", Santana said to Quinn as she started in on a delicious chicken pasta salad that her wife had made. Quinn loved to cook, and it showed. "Can I talk with you about something?"

"Of course, hon, what is it?" Quinn asked with quizzical and concerned eyes.

"So, I've been thinking about options, you know, regarding, like, money and stuff, and maybe a career for me, and well…" Santana trailed off.

"San – what is it?" Quinn put down her fork and grabbed her wife's hand with hers.

"Well, I'm thinking about joining the army." Santana said matter-of-factly and looked right into Quinn's eyes.

Quinn smiled slightly in disbelief, and then busted our laughing. "What!? Hon – what are you talking about?" She continued laughing.

"Q – I'm not kidding."

Quinn's laughter died off when she saw that Santana was serious. "Okay, uh, wow. Where is this coming from? I mean, this is like totally out-of-the-blue."

Santana put her napkin on the table and took a deep breath. "Well, I've been thinking about ways we can make more money. Steady money. One of my regulars at the bar, Jackie – you know Jackie, right? Well, she has a brother in the army. She brought him in one night, and we got to talking. He has a wife and a young daughter, and he said the army has been a big help in taking care of him and his family. They give him a paycheck, a housing allowance and free medical care for him and his family, and they help with bills and stuff.

Quinn continued to hold her wife's hand. "Well, that sounds nice, but don't you have to sign up for a bunch of years, and don't you have to travel a lot? I mean, you'd be away from us for long stretches of time, right?

"I don't know. I mean, I think I may have a choice of jobs or assignments once I finish basic training, but I'm not sure. But, if I take an assignment that doesn't require travel, it could be more like just working a regular desk job. And, I only have to sign up for three years, so it's not like it's for life or anything."

"I know, but three years is such a long time. I mean, if you joined now, Jenna will be 4 by the time you get out."

"I know, and it sounds like a long time, but it's not like I would be away from you guys all the time. Plus, look how quickly the last three years have passed by. I mean, look how quickly the last 6 years have passed. Sometimes it seems like just yesterday you and I were moving your suitcase of clothes and that big-ass crate of nerdy books into my studio apartment."

Quinn laughed despite the seriousness of the conversation as she remembered her and Santana struggling to lug the crate of books up three flights of narrow stairs. "I guess. But, I mean, how do you know that you'll like it? You may sign up and then hate it."

"I've thought about that, but I've gone through a lot of my life not liking what I'm doing, so that won't be any different." Quinn looked at her with sad eyes. "I'm sorry babe – I didn't mean to sound negative. What I'm saying is that not liking my job is not going to make or break me. I'm living for you and Jenna now. That's what's most important to me."

Quinn smiled at that. "I know. It's just that, you always hear about these military families and how tough it is for them to stay together. I just don't want us to go through that".

"Look, babe, I know it's not ideal, but think of all of the benefits. Free medical care. Help with housing costs and bills. A steady paycheck for me – for us." Santana looked at her wife with serious and sincere eyes. "Q, let's be honest with ourselves – this past year hasn't been our easiest. We're making it by, but we're not exactly stable. And, that didn't matter as much when it was just you and me tearing up New York, but we need to be stable now. I mean, that's the most important thing. I have you to think about. We have Jenna to think about. Me joining the army would allow you to care for Jenna full-time, and not have to worry about making an income by writing. We would be secure, and you could write for fun – whatever you wanted, and whenever you wanted, without having to worry about what some fucking publisher thinks."

Quinn was silent for a second and then said, "I hear everything you're saying, hon, but I don't know. I mean, I just don't know", she said, uncertainty in her voice.

Santana rolled on. "We could make it work. We've come this far together, and it hasn't always been easy, so if we both decide this is the right thing to do, then we will find a way to make it work. And when I get out, I will be in a better place to move onto something else, which will put this family in a better place. I mean, the army offers tuition reimbursement, too. They could pay for me to finish up college, and then help with job placement."

Quinn exhaled, smiled, and took her other hand and put it over the one she already had grasping Santana's. "San, it's a lot to think about. Can I sleep on it?"

Santana smiled and put her other hand on top of the hand pile. "Of course, Q. We don't have to decide right now. I mean, the army's not going anywhere."


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

Santana kept her eyes closed and recalled the next few months after she and Quinn had first talked about the army. They picked up some literature, spoke to recruiters, weighed the pros and cons and finally came to the decision together that having Santana join the army would overall be a good move for their family. If nothing else, it would ensure that their family, and most importantly Jenna, would be financially and medically taken care of for the next three years. Santana completed her paperwork and shortly after left for basic training.

Santana thought back to the night before she departed. Quinn had made an exquisite dinner for the family, and afterwards Santana had held Jenna for an extra long time as she sat on the couch and smoothed her baby's hair as Jenna fell asleep in her arms. Quinn sat next to her, a loving smile on her face, offset by the sad eyes of someone who was about to say goodbye to her lover for an extended period of time. After Santana had tucked Jenna in for the night, she took Quinn's hand and led her to their bedroom, where the two lovers brought each other to ecstacy over and over again. A few hours later, they laid spent on the bed, Santana on her back and Quinn on her side. Quinn was resting her head on Santana's chest. Santana stroked Quinn's hair.

"San?" Q muttered, in a low, blissed-out voice.

"Hmmm?"

"Are you asleep?"

"Yes, babe. I'm sleeping and talking and stroking your hair all at the same time."

"Whatever, ass." Quinn lifted her head and stuck her tongue out at Santana.

Santana winked and blew her wife an air kiss, then leaned forward and kissed the top of her wife's head when Quinn returned to Santana's chest. "I love you so much, babe."

Quinn tilted her head up, and their lips met. "I love you too, hon, even though you're a total smartass sometimes," she said, before she put her head back down onto Santana's chest. Santana laughed quietly, and the room went silent for another minute. Then Quinn said, "San?"

"Hmmm?"

I can't believe you're leaving tomorrow. I mean, like, actually really leaving."

"I know", Santana sighed. "I can't believe it either".

Quinn tilted her head up, looked at Santana and pouted. It was the look that never failed to cause Santana's heart to melt. "And you're going to be gone for two whole months."

"I know. It sucks. Don't remind me", Santana groaned.

"Is this really the right thing to do?" Quinn asked in her sweet church girl voice, laced with just the right amount of concern, as if she knew the answer but just wanted to ask the question one more time anyway, just in case somehow she would get an answer back saying they could call the whole army thing off.

Santana exhaled a long breath. "Well, we're roped into it now, so we can't go back", she said with more conviction than she actually felt.

Quinn pouted again. "I just don't want you to go", she said, and nuzzled into Santana.

"I know, babe. Right about now, I really don't want to go, either", Santana said. She kissed her wife's head again. "What I really want to do is to freeze this moment in time and stay in bed with my beautiful wife forever."

Quinn smiled and drew a pattern with her finger on Santana's stomach. Santana's breath caught. Quinn looked up with a sly smile. "How are you going to make it?" she asked.

"Huh?"

"How are you going to make it two months without this?" Quinn asked coyly, as her hand started to slide down.

"I have no fucking idea." Santana said. She breathed deeply and then paused for a second. "Actually, they'll probably work me to the bone, and I'll probably be so tired that I'll pass out every night from exhaustion." She paused again. "So, I don't know, I probably won't miss it that much," she said with feigned indifference.

"What!?" Quinn shot up. She stared at Santana, and Santana smiled and winked.

"Oh, you b-" Quinn said, and started to tickle Santana. Santana squealed and tickled back, and in a few seconds the two lovers were rolling around the bed, laughing like crazy. Santana pinned Quinn down, holding her arms above her head against the bed.

"Babe, you know I'm kidding", she said, as she stared into Quinn's eyes. "I'm gonna miss it like crazy. I'll be thinking about it – and you - every single moment of every single day."

Quinn looked back into Santana's eyes. "I love you, San", she said, and gave her wife a deep kiss.

"I love you too, Lucy Q", Santana said after she broke away, breathless. She nuzzled into her wife's neck, and Quinn sighed. She started to lick Quinn's neck and nibble her earlobe. She heard her wife moaned.

"Wait a minute", Santana stopped and looked at her wife.

"What? San – what's wrong, hon?" Quinn said, starting to look worried.

"I have to ask you something", Santana said, her voice serious to match the serious look on her face.

Quinn looked at her with big eyes, and when Santana didn't say anything right away, Quinn said, "San – what is it?"

Santana continued to stare at Quinn with her serious expression, and then a sly smile broke out on her face. She reached down between her wife's legs. "I think the real question is this, Lucy Quinn – how are _you_ going to make it two months without _this_?"

"Smartass Diabla", Quinn laughed softly and closed her eyes as Santana slid down her body.

Santana didn't really know what to expect upon entering the army. She had seen movies and commercials and Youtube videos, but one never really knows until one goes. Against everything she had thought, Santana actually took a liking to army life. Boot camp was tough, but she was still in good shape and naturally athletic, so the physical part wasn't too demanding. More surprising to her was that she actually didn't mind all of the yelling and being told what to do. After having gone through so much of her life feeling uncertain and stressing about having to make tough decisions without knowing where they would lead, she actually found it refreshing to not have to think. Her drill instructors thought for her and told her what to do. Stand up. Lie down. Run. Drop and do pushups. Take this box and put it over there. It was like, in the army, everything had a point. It was A to B. There was no murky water, no "what ifs", no worrying about "how will this decision I make affect me…" You just did what you were told, and things moved on.

Santana graduated close to the top of her basic training class. She remembered seeing Quinn and Jenna in the stands as she marched in the ceremony with her class, the crowd cheering for them as they strode down the field. She remembered kissing her wife and holding her daughter for the first time in what felt like forever. She remembered the night right after the graduation ceremony in the hotel room that Quinn and Jenna had gotten near the base for graduation weekend, rocking her baby to sleep and then pouncing on Quinn while Jenna slept in the crib three feet away.

But, most of all, Santana remembered the next day after graduation. Right before everyone in her class was scheduled to leave for two weeks off before shipping off to their actual assignment, her drill sergeant called her into his office.

"You wanted to see me, Sir?"

"Lopez, I'm going to cut to the chase. I've been watching you throughout basic training. You were impressive on the obstacle courses, and you're good with a gun. I think you have the traits to become a formidable combat soldier. I want you to consider trying out for the Army Rangers."

"Sir – thank you, Sir. I appreciate the nod, but I was thinking about applying for a more sedentary position".

"Lopez, I know that. I read your transcript request. However, I really think you should consider enrolling in Ranger School."

"Sir? Do you really think I'm Ranger material?" Since joining the army, Santana had heard of the Rangers and knew they were the army's elite strike force unit, the toughest combat unit in the army.

"Lopez", her drill sergeant stood up from his desk. "As you know, the army is instituting a new policy that allows women to join the army's elite units - Army Rangers, Special Forces. This could be a great opportunity for you. Now, I'm not saying you should apply just because you are a woman and that it would look good for the army, but I think you should apply because you are one of the finest recruits I have ever seen come through basic training, and I think it would be a shame for you to waste your potential on anything less."

"Thank you Sir. I will consider it seriously."

The drill sergeant came around his desk and stood right in front of Santana. "Private – you have the potential to become a leader in this army. Not many people do. You have drive and determination, and a take-no-prisoners attitude. And, you can make a difference in this world. A real difference. Not many people get that opportunity. Don't let that go to waste."

Santana felt her eyes start to fill up with tears of pride. Neither Mr. Schue nor Coach Sylvester had ever voiced having so much confidence in her. Here was someone who actually believed in her enough to think of her as a leader. After years of playing second fiddle in both Glee club and the Cheerios, she finally had a chance to be a star. _Potential…Skills and ability…make a difference…_

The drill sergeant stared at her for a few seconds longer to convey his seriousness and then said, "Think on it and let me know by the end of next week. Dismissed."

"Yes, Sir!" Santana said proudly, as she saluted and left the office.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

Santana spent the first week back home in New York after basic training relaxing and spending time with Jenna and Quinn. They went on picnics and walks through Central Park. They went out for ice cream and coffee in the afternoon. Each night Quinn cooked dinner and they ate as a family. After they put Jenna to bed, Santana and Quinn would snuggle together on the couch. Quinn would curl into Santana as she drank a glass of wine and Santana drank a beer. Then, Santana would take Quinn by the hand and lead her to their bedroom, and they would make love – quickly at first, as if to make up for the lost time, and then slowly - before they went to sleep.

It was during Santana's second week home when she and Quinn started talking about the future.

"So, what happens next?" Quinn asked. She and Santana were in the kitchen having their morning coffee. Jenna was watching cartoons in the living room of their small apartment.

"Well, I have to get my assignment, like what my actual job will be, now that I am done with basic training."

"So, do you have a choice? I mean, can you just get a desk job? Will it be like 9 to 5? Can you stay in New York?" Quinn started firing out questions.

"Whoa, whoa, slow down, babe". Santana out her hand out and laughed. "I'm not sure. I'd have to look into it all." Santana cleared her throat. "But, my drill instructor thinks that I should try out for the Army Rangers."

"What's the Army Rangers?"

Santana took a deep breath and thought for a second before she spoke. She knew there was a good chance her wife may not like what she was about to say, but this was a good opportunity, and so she had to at least bring it up. "The Rangers are the army's elite combat unit."

"What does that mean?"

"They take the toughest missions. They are out on the front lines."

Quinn smiled, bemused. "What – like G.I Joe?" she said and laughed.

Santana smiled. "Kind of. I mean, they do actually go and fight."

Quinn's laughter died down, and she turned serious. "Wait – like, shooting and getting shot at? Are you serious? San, I thought you were going to get a desk job. Or at least take a job that's not dangerous. I don't want anything to happen to you."

Santana put down her coffee and grabbed Quinn's hand. "Babe – I know we talked about that before I joined, but this is a great opportunity. It's more money, more job security, more benefits. Plus, I would get extra pay on top of my monthly pay for being in the Rangers. It's called Hazard Pay." Instantly she regretted saying that.

Quinn's eyes narrowed, and she withdrew her hand. "Hazard Pay!? What the hell is 'Hazard Pay?' Is that because this job is more dangerous? Is that it? They pay you more so you can put your life in danger?" Quinn was getting upset.

Santana smiled in an effort to reassure her wife. "Babe - I will be well trained for it."

"No, no no! No "well trained", no "Hazard Pay", no shooting, no." Quinn emphasized the words "well trained" and "Hazard Pay" with head bobs and made quotes with her index fingers. "I don't want you taking a job where someone is shooting at you," she stated resolutely.

"Babe – calm down for a sec, okay?" Santana said. "I don't get the job right off the bat. I have to go through training for it, and if I don't pass the training, then they won't put me out there. They're not gonna put me in any situation I can't handle, okay, so just calm down."

Quinn relaxed a bit but remained on guard. "I don't know, hon. I mean, I just don't want anything to happen to you. What if something happened? What would Jenna and I do-"

"Nothing's gonna happen to me, babe. Like I said, if I get this job, I will be well trained, and I will be working with the best soldiers in the army. Besides, this is a great opportunity. I can be one of the first women in the history of the army to become a Ranger. Plus, my drill instructor thinks I have what it takes to do it. That's a huge vote of confidence." Then, almost as an offhand comment, she said, "You know, I never got that vote of confidence from Mr. Schue or Coach Sylvester."

"Wait", Quinn said, "Is this about what someone said or didn't say in high school? You feel like you need to prove yourself? We're not in high school anymore, hon. This is real life – our life. Our life together. You, me and Jenna. You can't make a decision that affects our lives based on stuff that happened in high school".

"Babe – no, this isn't about high school", Santana said. "This is about taking a great opportunity that not many people are given. It's an honor to be offered this chance. And, if I decide to stay in the army after these first three years are up, being a Ranger is a huge benefit. It will allow me to write my own ticket. I can have my choice of assignments in the army."

Quinn said nothing. She just stared at Santana with her deep eyes.

Santana leaned forward. "Q – we've got a family, and this opportunity puts me in the best position to provide for us." She looked Quinn in the eye. "Plus, I really want to try this. It would really mean a lot to me."

Quinn continued to stare silently at Santana. Santana squeezes Quinn's hand. "But, I won't try it if you don't support it", Santana said earnestly.

Quinn looked at Santana for a moment and then sighed and said, "Okay. If it's that important to you, then I support it. I just don't want anything to happen to you."

"Look, if it gets too crazy, I will take a different job. I promise. And thank you". Santana smiled and kissed her wife.

And so Santana went on the fast track to becoming an Army Ranger. After her break from basic training she went straight into infantry training and then onto the army's infamous jump school. She had been afraid of heights as a kid, and had even felt apprehensive the first time she and Quinn had gone to the top of the Empire state building, but the training had hammered any fear right out of her. She graduated jump school in 3 weeks and went directly into Ranger School at Fort Benning, GA. From Santana's point of view, Ranger School lived up to its reputation as the toughest combat course in the army. 20 hour days. Countless pushups, and situps. Never-ending running and hiking with heavy packs. Obstacle courses. Hand-to-hand combat instruction. Advanced weaponry training. Assault drills. Restricted calories. At times, Santana felt like she might collapse, but then she would hear the words of her drill instructor, the person who believed that she could be a star…_one of the finest recruits…potential to become a leader…make a difference… _and she would push on.

Santana graduated Ranger School with high marks. Her competitive spirit, the one that was so frowned upon in Glee club, was a huge asset in the army. She was assigned to the general Ranger pool and stationed at Fort Benning. Quinn and Jenna moved to nearby Columbus and, with the help of the army's housing assistance department, found a nice house close to the base, so Santana could train near her family. Within six months she was transferred onto Beta Team. She served on that team for another six months, and after performing several heroic feats, including pulling her commanding officer to safety out of a deadly firefight, she was transferred to Alpha Team. Six months after that, she was promoted to Alpha Team leader, and she had been serving in that position ever since. Her team respected her. Her commanding officer spoke highly of her. Even the brass above knew who she was.

Santana opened her eyes and checked her watch again. It was almost 04:00. Time to get up soon. No use in trying to sleep now. What a crazy journey the last 8 years had been, she thought. From Lima to Louisville to New York to Georgia to here, after years of playing second fiddle, Santana Lopez was now leading the toughest team in the most elite combat unit in the United States Army. Never in a million years would she had thought that being in this position would have ever been a reality for her, yet here she was. And she loved it. She couldn't lie. She loved the excitement, the comraderie, the feeling of doing something worthwhile and special. And, she was good at it, too. Real good. You didn't become Alpha Team leader if you weren't real good. She was the best of the best. She was a star in this army. And that meant something.

And, in one week, it would all end. The mission she ran 3 weeks ago was her last mission. She was leaving the Army Rangers forever and going home.


	8. Chapter 8

This chapter contains references to child psychology and development. Again, no offense intended if the references aren't 100% accurate. As before, they are there to set context and move the story along.

Chapter 8

Quinn was at home reading a magazine when her cell phone rang.

"Hello?"

"Good morning, may I speak with Mrs. Quinn Fabray-Lopez?"

"This is she."

"Mrs. Lopez, this is Principle Evans at Kessler Children's Academy."

"Yes, Principle, how are you?"

"Well, I'm fine, thanks, but we had a little issue with Jenna this morning."

"What kind of an issue?"

"I'd rather discuss it with you in person. Are you available to stop by the school?"

Quinn was free today. These days she was free pretty much all of the time. "Yes, I can stop by. I can be there in 15 minutes".

"Thank you, Mrs. Lopez. You can come right to my office. I'll see you soon."

Quinn walked into the school and headed for the principle's office. The principle was seated behind her desk. She rose when Quinn entered. Jenna was seated in a chair on the other side of the desk.

"Mrs. Lopez, thank you for coming in." The principle shook Quinn's hand, and both women sat down.

Quinn looked at her daughter sitting in the chair next to her and smiled. "Hi Bunny." Jenna looked at her Mommy with big eyes that said, "I think I did something bad, Mommy. Sorry!" Quinn smoothed her daughter's hair and then said to the principle, "So, what's going on?"

"Well, Mrs. Lopez, Jenna bit one of the other students this morning."

Quinn's eyes widened. This was unexpected. She would have never thought of Jenna as a child who would do something like that. She turned to her daughter. "Jenna, is this true?" Jenna nodded her head slowly. "You know that's bad", she admonished her daughter. To the principle Quinn said, "I'm very sorry. Can you just walk me through what happened?"

"Well, the teacher, Mrs. Tinsdale, says it seemed like it came out of nowhere. Jenna and another girl were playing, and Jenna just bit her, apparently without provocation. Perhaps she wanted attention?"

Quinn looked at her daughter. "Is that it, Jenna? Did you want attention?"

Jenna looked at the floor and nodded her head.

"Again, I'm really sorry", Quinn said to the principle. "I'm happy to apologize to the parents of the child who Jenna bit, and I'll take steps to make sure it doesn't happen again." She looked at Jenna, who was still looking at the floor.

The principle remained fixed on Quinn. "Well, I don't think the apology will be necessary. The bite wasn't serious, but I'll offer it up to the other parents. I'm sure the thought will be appreciated." The principle leaned forward a bit. "However, I do think taking steps to make sure Jenna doesn't act up again may be prudent. I need to inform you that this isn't the first time Jenna has acted out in class."

Quinn was surprised. "Oh? When else did something happen, and what else has she done?"

"The teachers have spotted a few instances over the past few weeks of Jenna acting out, such as throwing things, or taking toys from other children."

"I wasn't aware. How come no one has told me?"

"Well, so far there hasn't been anything serious, and we didn't want to yell fire when there wasn't one, but as a matter of procedure, the teachers report anything and everything that they see to me, and at my discretion I make a call to the parents if I think there is enough to be concerned."

"I see", Quinn said slowly. "And you're concerned…" Quinn let the sentence hang.

"Mrs. Lopez", the principle continued. "First off, Jenna is not in any trouble, and we are certainly not speaking right now to alarm you. If anything, we are looking to take steps to prevent what is hopefully not a big problem in the first place, and if it is a problem, we can head it off before anything serious happens".

Quinn sat back in her chair. "Okay, I'd like your thoughts on what's going on with my daughter."

"Mrs Lopez, may I ask you a question?"

"Sure."

"Is your wife absent from home a lot?"

"More than half the year. She is in the military."

"Yes, I am aware, and we do have a number of students who have parents in the military, so we are used to seeing that. I ask, though, because, I've been working with children for twenty years, and in my experience, there is a positive correlation between children with behavioral problems and households where at least one parent is largely absent."

"Well, Santana is gone a lot, but she loves Jenna. She may not be around all the time, but she loves her daughter, as do I. We're a happy family."

"Mrs. Lopez, I have no doubt about that. But, statistically the fact remains that children are far less likely to develop behavioral problems when they are in a loving home with _both_ parents present."

Quinn thought for a moment. "I see", she said again.

"Look, Mrs. Lopez, I'm not saying there is a serious problem here. I'm just saying that, if there is a possibility of a problem, then we should identify it and address it right away. These formative years for children are very important, and what they experience now can have profound effects on them for the rest of their lives." The principle looked at Jenna and smiled.

"Yes, I understand", Quinn said thoughtfully.

"We want the best for every child that comes through these doors. We care about our students. Now, at the risk of sounding heavy-handed, is there any way that your wife could be around more?"

"Well, actually, she is scheduled to be discharged from the Army in two days, so she will be around more."

"Well, that's good news." Principle Evans stood up. "In my experience, having both of you around will be a key factor in terms of influencing good behavior in Jenna. I will be in touch if I have other thoughts."

Quinn stood up. "Thank you, Principle." She shook the principle's hand, and then took Jenna by the hand and walked out of the office. I'll have to talk with Santana about this when she gets home, Quinn thought. Just two more days, and then Jenna will have both of her parents back in her life.


	9. Chapter 9

This may be the last chapter for a bit. I'm getting busy at work. I'll write more as soon as I can!

Chapter 9

Santana spent the morning of her last day in Kandahar packing, finalizing paperwork and saying goodbye to her team. Now it was time to say goodbye to the person who had guided her through the last two years. She walked into Lt. Stofer's office and closed the door. Her flight home was scheduled to leave in a few hours.

"Sir."

"Lopez, come in. Have a seat."

Santana took the chair across from Stofer and crossed her legs.

"Look, I'm not really good with saying goodbye, so I'm gonna keep it short and sweet. It's been a real pleasure serving with you."

"Thank you, Sir. It's been an honor to serve under your command."

"I'm gonna miss having you on my team. We've been through a lot together in the last two years, and I always knew we were in good hands with you at the point."

"Thank you, sir. I truly appreciate it."

Stofer sat forward in his chair. "I'm gonna shoot straight with you, Lopez. I'd like you to rejoin the team. As you know, the Army normally would have required you to re-enlist by now, but I've spoken to HQ and, because of your exceptional service record, they are willing to give you a three-month grace period to reconsider. At the end of that time, if you decide to re-enlist, you can reassume your current position as Alpha Team leader without having to go through Ranger School again. You'll just need to pass the Ranger fitness test and then undergo a few weeks of team training to bring you back up to speed."

Santana sat up in her chair. "Thank you, Sir. I'll think about it, absolutely." Santana didn't want to tell him that her wife would lose her shit if she even brought up rejoining the Rangers.

Stofer got out of his chair and came around his desk. Santana stood up. "I hope you will. I would be honored to serve with you again. You are truly an inspiration to everyone in the Rangers, including me."

Santana felt tears start to well up in her eyes, and she forced them back. "Thank you, Sir. That means a lot to me."

Stofer extended his hand, and Santana shook it. Then, he pulled Santana into a tight hug. "Take care, Lopez, and best to you."

Santana returned the hug. "Thank you, Sir. Best to you as well."

They broke the embrace. Stofer looked at Santana and smiled. "Now get outta here. And tell the good 'ol U S of A I said hi."

Santana snapped to attention and saluted her former commanding officer. "Yes Sir!" She said. She turned around opened the door to Stofer's office, and walked out. As she closed the door, a smiled spread across her face, and tears of pride fell from her eyes.

The plane touched down at Rammstein Airforce Base in Germany, an overnight stop before Santana would board the plane that would take her back to Fort Benning – back to home. Three of Santana's team members were also onboard. They were headed back to Fort Benning to wait for their next mission. Santana was heading home for the rest of her life. She looked at her team and thought, "There's nothing like being an Army Ranger". There really wasn't, and that was something that no one who wasn't or hadn't been a part of this elite unit could ever understand.

The Rangers exited the plane and entered the waiting van. They were driven to their quarters for the night by a private who had stars in his eyes, honored to be chauffeuring members of an elite unit. It was just after 8pm local time. The team unpacked their bags for the night.

"Well", said Johnson, who had served as Santana's second in command," we've got a free night. Who's in for some beers?" Johnson liked to drink.

"I'm in", said Terrell. Terrell was the team's engineer, which meant he could build, find and disable any explosive.

"For sure", said Renzo. Renzo was a battle-hardened vet who liked guns, motorcycles and women.

When Santana didn't respond right away, Johnson said "How 'bout it, Sarge? You in, or are you too jet-lagged?" He shot Santana a challenging grin.

"I don't know. I am kinda jet-lagged."

"Oh, c'mon, Sarge. Rangers stick together", said Terrell, quoting an old Ranger saying.

"We don't leave a man – or a woman - behind," Renzo chimed in with another Ranger saying.

"Sarge, for old time's sake?" Johnson needled Santana.

"Alright, fine, fuck you guys, I'm in." Santana laughed and shook her head. The three men whooped and exchanged high fives.

"Well shit, let's roll out!" Johnson said enthusiastically.

They found a bar near the base and hunkered down at a table. Johnson ordered the first round. "So, Sarge, like, what are you gonna do now?"

"I'm not sure. Probably nothing, at least for a bit. Relax. Spend some time with my family", Santana said as she sipped her beer.

Renzo looked at Santana skeptically. "The Sarge? Relax? Please…" Santana scowled at him and the other two men laughed. Santana was usually the one who rousted everyone else in the morning and started busting balls ten seconds after.

"Think you'll miss it?" Terrell asked.

"Miss what?" Santana asked.

Terrell spread his arms and motioned to the team sitting around him. "This, Sarge. You know – being a Ranger."

"Probably. Well, definitely. But, there are other things in life, you know", Santana said, a bit more uncertain than she would have liked to sound.

"Yeah, like hot chicks and motorcycles!" Renzo said. Everyone laughed and clinked glasses.

"Well, I suppose if I had a wife as hot as Sarge's wife, I'd consider going home, too." Johnson winked at Santana, who slugged him in the shoulder.

"Ass", Santana said. "If I ever catch you looking at my wife, I will end you." The table laughed.

"No, seriously, Sarge. Do you think you'll miss it?" Renzo asked.

"Yeah, I'm sure I will."

"Would you consider coming back?" Terrell asked.

"I don't know. I'm gonna look at other options. My wife would probably kill me if I did, but I guess there's always a chance. I mean, it's all I've done for three years, right?"

"Well, you gotta admit – there's nothing like being a Ranger." Johnson said.

"Yeah, no doubt about that." Santana agreed, and took a long drink.

"Well, you should come back, Sarge." Terrell continued. "I mean, you're the best team commander we've ever served under." All three men grunted and nodded in agreement.

Johnson raised his glass. "To the Sarge – the best team commander, ever."

"To the Sarge", Renzo and Terrell replied. Santana tipped her head to acknowledge the accolade. The glasses clinked. The team drank.

"Thanks, guys. It really means a lot", Santana said and raised her glass again. "To Alpha Team".

"To Alpha Team" the three men replied. The glasses clinked again.

"Well, I'll say one last thing" Terrell said. "You ain't gonna find action like we get in the Rangers anywhere else. The adrenaline rush…I mean, damn!" He smiled knowingly at Santana. "You know you're gonna miss it."

"Fuckin' A" said Renzo. Then he leaned in. "You know, you don't do what we do if it's not a part of you. And, if it's a part of you, it will always be a part of you. Deep inside."

Johnson said, "Yep. You're born for this shit. Once a Ranger, always a Ranger."

Everyone nodded and took a drink. Santana took a long, thoughtful drink.

"Well, that was deep", Johnson said sarcastically as he slapped the table and stood up. "Hey – who wants a shot?"

Jenna and Quinn were sitting on the floor of their living room. Quinn had finished the last of her straightening up the house and was now holding Jenna, who was sitting in her lap, facing her.

"Well, Bunny, I guess we'll be as ready as we'll ever be." In truth, the house was set so perfectly that even Santana's drill instructor would be impressed. "So… are you excited to see Mama?"

Jenna smiled wide and nodded her head enthusiastically. "Yes, Mommy!"

"Well, I'm excited too. I've missed your Mama so much, and she'll be home tomorrow."

Jenna smiled and clapped her hands. "Tomorrow! Tomorrow!" she said over and over again.

"And guess what, Bunny?" Quinn smiled as she held her daughter close. "Mama will never be going away again."

Jenna looked at her Mommy. "Really, Mommy? Never again?"

"Really, Bunny. Never again." Quinn hugged Jenna tightly and said, "Mama will always be with us now."


	10. Chapter 10

Finally - Santana arrives home to Quinn and Jenna. I hope you enjoy. I'll try to write more in the next few days. Also, I realized that my attempt to break up sections within chapters hasn't been working, so I'm going to try using -0-0-0-0-0-0-0- (again, this is my first story, so I'm not super savvy with FF formatting).

Chapter 10

Santana opened her eyes slowly. Her head was throbbing and her throat was dry. She heard a dull drone and it took her a few seconds to remember that she was on a C130 plane en route to Fort Benning. She closed her eyes and thought about the night before with the guys. She had only intended to have a of couple beers, but after the second round of shots things spiraled out of control. The team had made it back to their quarters around 4am, and for some reason Santana had trouble falling asleep. She woke up still a little drunk and had scrambled to get her stuff together and catch the last leg of her flight home. The guys had elected to stay in Germany for another night, and she bade them farewell as she boarded. She had fallen asleep almost immediately after takeoff, and now she was sporting a halfway decent hangover.

After stumbling to a fridge for a bottle of water and downing it in one motion, Santana sat back down and looked at her watch. Just under three hours to touchdown. She felt excited, anxious and nervous. She had always felt excited and anxious upon her arrivals home, but the last few times she had been away she had started feeling nervous upon her arrivals home as well, and she wasn't sure why. Maybe it was the fact that each time she went away she felt a little bit more of an undercurrent of loneliness or maybe even resentment from Quinn. Quinn never said anything, but Santana knew it had to be hard on her, shouldering the majority of the responsibility of raising Jenna alone, as well as constantly saying goodbye to the woman she loved and not knowing where Santana was going or if she would come back. Or, maybe the nervousness stemmed from the fact that Santana sometimes felt like things were changing, and that one day she would return home and not recognize where she was or the people around her. Jenna was growing up so fast. Santana figured that her being gone wasn't as big of a deal for Jenna when she had been a baby, since Jenna would most likely be too young to really process her Mama's absence, but starting about a year ago Jenna had hit the age where she had really started to notice Santana not being around. Not only that, but Santana had missed so much of Jenna's life, important milestones that she would have liked to have been present for. She had been away when Jenna had taken her first steps and when Jenna had said her first words. She had been away when Jenna had started pre-school. She had missed three of Jenna's four birthday parties. Santana had been away for much more time than she had originally anticipated when she had enlisted, and it was starting to show. She loved her daughter and didn't want her to grow up with an absentee parent, and she loved her wife and didn't want her to go through life with an absentee partner. She hated being away from her family so often, but she had somehow ended up in this crazy job, a job she had ended up loving, which happened to take her away from her family for long periods of time. Santana often thought about how great it would be if she could have split herself in two so her family and the army could both have her at the same time, but that's just not how life works.

Santana reached into her pocket and pulled out a photo of Quinn and Jenna. Every time Santana left, she would take a picture of the two of them and carry it with her. This one was taken at the park near their house the day before Santana had left for her last mission 3 months ago. Jenna was laughing and looking straight into the camera. Quinn was smiling and looking down at Jenna as she held their daughter in her lap. Santana stared at the photo and smiled. God, it has been a crazy ride, Santana thought, as she looked at the photo for the hundredth and umpteenth time in the last three months, but in a few hours I'll be home and we can get on the path to living a normal life together as a family.

A beautiful southern afternoon greeted the plane as it touched down at Fort Benning. There was a car waiting for Santana on the tarmac. As the driver took her through the familiar streets from Fort Benning to her house, Santana became aware of a feeling that she had increasingly been getting more and more when she would come home from a mission. It was the same feeling she had first encountered when she would visit Lima while she was at the University of Kentucky. It was the feeling of, "I know this place, and it's home, but for some reasons I feel like I'm visiting." Strange, Santana thought. She figured the feeling wouldn't come this time, since she was coming home for good and would no longer be leaving for long periods of time.

The thought disappeared as the car pulled up to her house. Santana saw Quinn and Jenna in the large living room window facing the street. The car stopped, and Santana saw Jenna jump with excitement and Quinn let go of her hand. Santana thanked the driver, got out of the car, and started up the walkway to the front door. The door opened and Jenna came running down the walkway.

"Mamaaaaaaaaa!" Jenna screamed. Santana dropped her bag and knelt down as Jenna ran into her arms.

"Hi Bunny! How's my Bunny?" Santana kissed Jenna and held her tight.

"Mama's home!" Jenna screamed again. "Yaaaaaaaay!"

"Awwww…Mama missed you sooooooo much." Santana picked Jenna up with one arm, grabbed her bag with her other arm, and walked to the front door. "My, you're heavy, Bunny. Look how big you've gotten", she said and beamed at Jenna as she carried her. Jenna giggled. Santana looked back up and saw Quinn waiting in the doorway. Quinn smiled at the scene in front of her, her wife back home safe and holding their giddy daughter, and Santana could see tears of joy starting to well up in Quinn's eyes.

"Hi babe," Santana said to Quinn.

"Hi…" Quinn said back, drawing out the word. Santana maneuvered around Jenna, who was still holding on tightly, and gave Quinn a big kiss.

"I'm sorry, babe, I'd love to give you a huge hug right now, but…"Santana looked at Jenna and then looked back at her wife with apologectic eyes, the look that said "I'd love to tend to you right now, but the most important person in the world currently has me tied up".

Quinn laughed knowingly, "It's okay. Come on in." She stood aside so Santana could enter and shut the door.

Santana smiled at her wife and then looked at her daughter. "Bunny, can Mama put you down just for one second? Mama wants to give Mommy a big hug too." She put Jenna down, who then clung to Santana's leg, and she embraced her wife. "Hi", she breathed into Quinn's ear.

Quinn's arms went around Santana's neck. "Hi", she breathed back. "Welcome home, hon."

"Thanks, babe. It feels so good to be back". Santana pulled her head back and put her forehead against Quinn's. She ran her fingers through her wife's hair. It smelled amazing, like tropical mangos. Quinn always smelled amazing. God, I've missed her, Santana thought. She kissed her wife on the lips, softly at first, and then harder. She had no intention of stopping and for a moment got lost in the kiss, but she was reminded of Jenna's presence when Jenna tugged on her pant leg, and she broke the kiss after a few seconds.

Quinn kept her forehead close and whispered, "I've missed you so much".

Santana could feel her breath. "I've missed you too, so much", she said back.

"Mamaaaaaaaaaa!" Jenna squealed, who was still clinging onto her leg and vying for attention.

Santana looked down and laughed. She pulled back a bit from Quinn but kept one arm around Quinn's waist and reached down to kiss her daughter on the head. "Yes, Bunny. I missed you too, so so so much!"

Santana stood up, slid her arm from Quinn's waist, and picked up her bag. Now came a little bit of awkwardness that had started rearing its head a few returns ago and came a few minutes after she arrived home. Santana couldn't pinpoint the feeling, but it was almost as if she was a guest in her house, a long lost relative that came to visit, and after the first few minutes, everyone was trying to figure out what to say or do next.

Quinn broke the silence. "So, um, do you need a few minutes to unpack your stuff?

Santana put her bag down. She slinked her arm back around Quinn's waist and grabbed Jenna's hand. "No, it's okay, hon. It can wait. I've got all the time in the world now." She smiled at Quinn, who smiled back sweetly and leaned her head into Santana's shoulder.

Santana spent the rest of the afternoon in the living room with Jenna. She listened and observed while Jenna showed her all of her new toys and books.

"This is Dora The Explorer!" Jenna enthusiastically displayed a book to Santana.

"Dora The Explorer!" Santana returned Jenna's enthusiasm. "That looks interesting, Bunny. What's it about?"

"Dora goes on adventures, Mama. Like you do!" Jenna said and beamed at Santana.

"Oh, that's exciting, Bunny".

"And Dora is La…Lat…Lataaaa…" Jenna struggled with pronouncing the word.

"Latina", Santana stepped in.

"Latina! Like me!" Jenna exclaimed proudly.

"Yes, Bunny. Dora is Latina, like you, and like Mama." Santana laughed slightly and kissed her daughter on the top of her head. Jenna was bright, like Quinn. And, apparently, also becoming quite the reader of adventure books, like Quinn. Quinn loved to read, especially adventure books. Her favorite book was _The Lost City Of Z._ Santana used to make fun of Quinn's fondness for reading, calling it "nerding it up", and Quinn would laugh her adorable laugh and retort with "Reading can be fun, San". After she starting dating Quinn, Santana had actually started reading for fun herself, and once in a while she still did, especially on the long plane rides to and from assignments. Sometimes Santana would watch Quinn when Quinn would read and smile at how adorable her wife looked, nose in a book, pushing stray strands of hair out of her face when they fell across the pages. She looked at Jenna and smiled as she imagined her daughter doing the same and looking just as adorable.

Quinn was busy preparing enchiladas for dinner, which were Santana's favorite, and which had become the traditional "first dinner back" whenever Santana returned home. Jenna "showed" her Mama how to set the table for dinner, and the three of them sat down to eat. Having dinner as a family was important to Quinn, and after Santana had been away for such a long time, a proper family together was a must.

"Mmmm, this is so good, babe", Santana said, eating like she hadn't seen food in days.

"I'm glad you like" Quinn replied and smiled.

"Like it? I love it. It's my favorite." Santana waved a forkful of food in the air. "I missed this so much."

Quinn smiled at the compliment. She loved cooking, especially for Santana and Jenna. "Well, it's a good thing you won't have to miss it anymore. You'll be home now", Quinn said in a tone that conveyed her happiness that her wife wouldn't be leaving for long periods of time anymore. Santana smiled at Quinn and kept eating.

"Mama, I'm going to a birthday party!" Jenna excitedly informed Santana. She made it sound like "birfday". Santana smiled.

"Really Bunny!? How exciting! Whose birthday is it?"

"My friend."

Quinn clarified. "It's one of the girls who goes to her new school." Quinn paused for a second and then asked, "I did tell you that she started preschool, right?"

"Yes, babe, you did." Santana said, with a smile that said, "I realize I've been gone so much that you may not remember everything you have and haven't told me". She turned to Jenna and said, "Well, that sounds fun." Santana smiled at her daughter and then turned to Quinn.

"So, um, how have you been, babe?"

"I've been good."

"Yeah?"

"Um, yeah. I've been busy with Jenna, and reading books and stuff, and you know…" Quinn trailed off.

"Good. You haven't been too, um, bored or anything with Jenna now in school?"

"No, I'm okay. I mean, I still have errands to run and a house to clean and what not." Quinn paused for a second and then looked at Santana with big green eyes and said, "I've missed you, San".

"I've missed you too, Q", Santana replied and smiled at her wife.

Quinn smiled back. She did not ask Santana about her last few months. After Santana's first mission, Quinn had asked her how she had been. Santana had said that she couldn't and wouldn't talk about any of her experience, and after that Quinn had lived by the rule that they did not talk about Santana's work at home.

When they finished their leisurely dinner, Quinn cleared the plates and served ice cream. Jenna did not get to eat ice cream on a regular basis or usually stay up as late as she was this night, but this was a special occasion, with her Mama returning home for good. Jenna ate two scoops of ice cream and was up a full two hours past her regular bedtime. After they finished dessert, Quinn and Santana gave Jenna her nightly bath together, which Quinn usually did by herself, even when Santana was home, and then put Jenna down to sleep.

"I don't want to go to sleep", Jenna said, as her Mommy and Mama tucked her into her bed. "I want to stay up and play with Mama."

"Bunny", Quinn said, "you can play more with Mama tomorrow. Mama will be here all the time now."

"That's right, Bunny. I will always be here. "I'm not going anywhere. We can play anytime now."

"Really, Mama?"

"Really, Bunny."

Jenna smiled. "Okay, Mama. Okay Mommy."

"Goodnight, Bunny. I love you", Quinn said and kissed her daughter.

"I love you too", Santana said, and kissed her daughter as well.

"I love you too," Jenna said, and closed her eyes.

They turned off the light and closed the door behind them as they went out into the hallway.

"So, um…" Santana started.

"Yeah". Quinn looked at Santana and smiled uncertainly. Another bit of awkwardness that had developed in the last year, as if they weren't quite sure what to do with themselves, just the two of them, after they put Jenna to bed the night whenever Santana would return.

"Hi". Santana looked back into her wife's beautiful green eyes.

"Hi", Quinn returned. "So, um do you want to have a drink, or watch TV, or just talk, or are you tired…" Quinn trailed off.

"No." Santana took Quinn's hand. "I want to…" She leaned in and kissed her wife, then gently pushed her against the wall. Quinn moaned, and Santana deepened the kiss. They continued to kiss for a moment longer, and then Santana broke the kiss, took Quinn's hand and led them to their bedroom.

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Santana laid on her back. Quinn was on her side, her head nestled into Santana's shoulder, her finger drawing patterns on Santana's chiseled stomach.

"I missed you", Quinn said.

"I missed you, too", Santana returned, and kissed her wife's head.

Quinn smiled. "Jenna missed you, too."

"Awww…I missed her too", Santana said. "She's the cutest little Bunny. Beautiful - just like her Mommy". Quinn looked up and smiled. Santana touched Quinn's nose with her finger and pecked her on the lips.

Quinn settled her head back down. "I'm so happy your back," Quinn breathed into Santana's ear.

"I'm happy to be back. Back with you and Jenna."

"The last three years have been like a crazy dream", Quinn said in a voice that was almost a whisper, and Santana grunted softly in agreement.

The room was silent for a minute, and then Quinn picked her head up, looked Santana in the eye, and said, "Please don't ever leave again."

"I don't plan on it, babe."

"I'm serious, hon. I've missed you so much, and I've worried so much, and…

"Q- " Santana said.

Q put a finger to Santana's lips. "Just promise me that you'll never leave again."

Santana ran her fingers through her wife's hair but didn't say anything.

"Say it, San." Quinn looked at Santana with her beautiful green eyes and pouted, and Santana felt her heart melt, like it always did when Quinn pouted.

Santana looked into her wife's eyes and said, "Babe – I will never leave again. You or Jenna - I will never leave you guys again."

Quinn stared at her wife a bit longer and then planted a long kiss on Santana's lips. "I love you, hon. I love you so much." She put her head back on Santana's shoulder and closed her eyes. "I'm so glad you're home for good".

"I love you too, babe", Santana said. "I'm glad I'm home, too." Her eyes stayed open.


	11. Chapter 11

Thank you as always for the feedback. Here's another chapter. This one is a little longer. I will try post another later this week.

Chapter 11 –

"Mama! I'm ready!" Jenna was at the front door, waiting for Santana to drive her to school.

"Okay, Bunny. Got your backpack? Lunch box? Juice box? Snack?" Santana asked. "What else?" Santana said, more to herself as she spun in circles around the kitchen. Backpack – check. Food – check. Car keys – check. She took three steps towards the front door when she remembered – purse. Shit, almost forgot that. Purse – the most important item in the life of any adult female, and the thing that had once contained Santana's whole life inside of it, had become something she had used so little in the last three years that she almost forgot it just now. What kind of woman forgets her purse when she leaves the house, Santana mused? She went back to the kitchen, did a quick scan, and saw her purse on the counter. She grabbed it and headed for the front door.

"Okay, Bunny. Are you ready?"

"Yes, Mama!"

"Okay, let's move." Let's_ go_, she said to herself. Stop using military jargon. Talk like a civilian. You're Santana now, not Sergeant Lopez. This is your daughter, not the Alpha Team, and you're driving her to school, not initiating a mission to infiltrate a terrorist compound.

Santana had been home for a week, but this was her first day driving Jenna to school. In fact, this was her first day of doing anything that resembled responsibility. She had wanted to jump right back into helping around the house, but Quinn had forbid it. She wanted Santana to relax her first week back, free of any responsibilities. Play with your daughter. Enjoy time with your wife, she had said. Santana had initially pushed back, but Quinn was adamant. You have time now, Quinn said. This week, you should just enjoy being back, and don't do any work. Jenna, of course, was so excited to have her Mama back and had wanted Mama to drive her to school the day after Mama had returned. Jenna had even woken Santana and Quinn up the first two mornings by running into her parents' room and jumping onto the bed, shouting, "Mama take me to school! Mama take me to school!" but Quinn had gently quelled that by promising Jenna that Santana would drive her to school every day the week after.

Santana pulled up to the school parking lot. She got out of the car, took Jenna out of her seat, grabbed her hand and started walking. They were almost to the front door when a woman stopped them.

"Mrs. Lopez?" the woman said. She was dressed in a pantsuit and looked to be about forty. "I'm Principle Evans. It's nice to finally meet you." She held out a hand. Santana shook it.

"Nice to meet you, Principle", Santana said.

"So, Quinn tells me you're back in town for good now."

"Uh, yes, that's correct." Santana said, a little surprised. She didn't realize Quinn had told this woman that she had been out of town.

"Well, that's good", Principle Evans continued. "I'm sure she told you we had a slight incident with Jenna a little over a week ago."

"Uh, yeah, right. She did tell me", Santana said, even though Quinn hadn't mentioned anything.

"Well, having you back in town will help stem those kinds of incidents, I'm sure."

"Uh, yeah, good. I'm glad that will help."

"Well, if you ever have any questions about anything, or if there's anything I can do for you, please don't hesitate to call me."

"Thank you, Principle", Santana said and shook the principle's hand. Principle Evans smiled and walked away. Santana continued to walk with Jenna toward the classroom, still confused about her conversation with the principle. She walked Jenna into the room and introduced herself to Mrs. Tinsdale. A few of the kids stared at the new woman with Jenna.

"Okay, Bunny. Have a great day. I'll pick you up this afternoon, and we'll go to the park", Santana said.

"Yay! Park! I love you, Mama."

"I love you too, Bunny". Santana kissed Jenna on the forehead and left the classroom.

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Santana had picked up Jenna from school and headed to the park near their house. Jenna was swinging hand-over-hand on the monkey bars, and Santana was shadowing her, cheering her on.

"Go, Bunny, go!"

Jenna made it to the end and let go. "I did it, Mama! I made it all the way."

"Yes you did, Bunny! Very good! I'm so proud of you." Santana gave Jenna a hug and a big kiss. "So, what do you want to do next? Do you want to go on the slide?"

"I want some juice."

"Okay, we'll go get some juice." The pair walked over to a snack stand a few yards away, and Santana bought them some juices. They sat down on a park bench.

"Mama?" Jenna looked at Santana.

"Yes, Bunny?"

"Do you shoot people?"

Santana's jaw dropped. "What!?" She couldn't believe her daughter just asked her that. That came completely out of left field. Santana sat silent, momentarily stunned, and then quickly recomposed herself. "N-no Bunny, I don't shoot people", Santana lied. "Why on earth are you asking me that?"

"Some kids at school said you shoot people."

Santana tried to hide her dismay. "Did they? And, uh, why would they say that?"

"Because you're in the army, and when you're in the army, you shoot people."

"How did they know I was in the army?"

"I told them."

Santana thought for a moment and put it together. Jenna's classmates had seen Jenna walk in with a strange woman. They asked her who she was, and Jenna said it's my Mama. They said we've never seen her before, and Jenna said she's been away in the army. Wonderful, Santana thought. Santana put down her juice, grabbed Jenna gently by both arms, and looked at her daughter straight in the eyes." Look, Bunny. There are many different jobs in the army, and not all of them involve shooting."

"So, you don't shoot people, Mama?"

"No, Bunny. I don't shoot people", Santana said, and smiled as reassuringly as she could.

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Quinn and Santana were in the kitchen. They had just put Jenna to sleep and were finishing the dinner clean up.

"I'm glad you had a nice time with Jenna today, hon", Quinn said to Santana, as she poured herself a glass of wine.

"Yeah, it was really nice", Santana said. "She seems to love the monkey bars."

Quinn rolled her eyes and shook her head. "Don't tell me she's gonna end up on an army obstacle course, like her Mama", she said in mock dismay.

Santana smiled and took a sip from her beer. She waited for a moment and then said, "Q?"

"Yeah?"

"Um, I didn't tell you at dinner what Jenna said to me at the park earlier today."

"Oh, what did she say?" Quinn re-corked the bottle and looked up at her wife.

Santana paused for a second and then looked Quinn in the eye. "She asked me if I shoot people."

Quinn's eyes went wide. "What!?"

"Yeah. That was my reaction, too."

"Where did that come from?"

"That's what I asked her. She said that she was talking about me to some of the kids in her class and they said that I shoot people."

"Wow, are you serious?" Quinn said, incredulous. "Well, what did you tell Jenna when she asked you?"

"I said no, of course." Santana stared at Quinn. "Babe, I'm not gonna tell our 4 year old daughter that I've shot people."

"No, I know you wouldn't". Quinn looked down and then looked back up at Santana with soft eyes. "Did you feel bad about lying?"

"No, because it was the right thing to do under the circumstances", Santana said, her tone starting to take on an edge. "But, I don't like lying either."

Quinn could tell her wife was becoming upset. She looked at Santana apologetically. "I know, hon, and I wasn't trying to-"

"It's okay, babe", Santana cut her off. "It's fine."

"Well, I can talk to the teacher tomorrow."

"Don't worry about it, Q. It's not that big of a deal."

"I don't know, maybe I'll still mention something", Quinn said, concern in her voice. Then she shifted topics slightly. "Speaking of the school, what do you think of it?"

"It seems fine. Oh, by the way, I ran into the principle when I dropped Jenna off."

"Oh yeah, Principle Evans. I forgot you haven't met her yet."

"Yeah. She said there was an incident with Jenna a couple weeks ago. Did something happen when I was gone?"

"Oh yeah, that. I meant to tell you but I forgot. Sorry. Jenna bit some other kid in the class."

"Oh. Damn. Really?" Santana said and took a drink.

"Yeah, it ended up not being serious, but I went in to meet with the principle anyway. It seems as though Jenna was acting out because she just wanted a little attention."

"Oh, okay. Well, the principle told me that me being back should help stem these kinds of incidents."

"Yeah, she told me that having both parents around helps with instilling and maintaining good behavior in children", Quinn verified.

"Okay", Santana said again. She paused for a moment and then said, "I didn't realize you had told her that I was gone."

"Well, she knows you were in the army. That's in our parent profile that the school has. It's not like a secret or anything that you travel sometimes."

"Does the principle know what I did in the army?"

"I don't think so. At least, I never told her", Quinn said. "San – is something wrong? Why are you asking?"

"No, nothing. It's okay", Santana smiled and lightened her tone. "I'm just wondering if there's anything else I should be aware of."

"No, I don't think so", Quinn said and smiled at her wife. "Everything else is fine."

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A few days later Santana took Quinn out to dinner. This was the first date they had been on since Santana had left for her last deployment. They had wanted to go out sooner, but they had also wanted to have the first week of dinners together as a family, so they ate at home with Jenna. The baby sitter, a neighborhood teenage girl that Quinn had found through the mother of one of Jenna's classmates, had come by after they had fed Jenna dinner and given her a bath. Jenna had pitched a fit, learning that Mommy and Mama were spending time alone without her, but she quieted down after they gave her a second scoop of ice cream.

"Nice pink hair and nose ring", Santana said to Quinn as she opened Quinn's car door, referring to the baby sitter.

Quinn shot her a look of mock scolding and rolled her eyes. "Don't even judge", she said, knowing that Santana was referencing the short period of time in high school when Quinn had dyed her hair pink and pierced her nose. Santana laughed, got in the car, and off they went.

The restaurant was a Mediterranean bistro in the downtown section of Columbus. It was Quinn's favorite place in town, and she and Santana usually only went there on special occasions. They had dressed up for the night, Quinn in an elegant beige dress and Santana in a pair of sleek black pants and a long sleeve black top, and they were seated at a quiet table towards the back of the restaurant.

"I love this place", Quinn said and looked around after the server brought their drinks.

"Yeah", agreed Santana. "It's the second best place in town."

"What's the first?" Quinn asked. She was the foodie out of the two of them and was curious as to what her wife thought was the finest dining establishment in Columbus.

"Our place", Santana smiled. "When you cook."

Quinn smiled, "Awwww…thanks, hon. You're so sweet." She took a sip of her wine and then looked at Santana. "I'm glad you're back. I missed you."

"I can tell…like last night", Santana said and winked at Quinn. Quinn had jumped on Santana while Santana had been relaxing in the whirlpool bathtub in their bathroom. Lately the Lopez master bedroom had been active after Jenna went to bed.

"Oh," Quinn scoffed. "Like you're not glad to be back, too."

"Ehhh…" Santana waved her hand, feigning indifference.

"Hmm. Whatever, ass. Who's the one who yelled 'Fuck yes! God bless the U.S.A.' when I got her off with my tongue the other night?" Quinn took another sip of her wine and crinkled her eyes at her wife.

Santana returned the glance and took her wife's hand. It felt good, Santana thought. It was nice to be out on a date again with my wife. She looked into Quinn's eyes and said, "Well…" conceding that she had missed her wife and was glad to be back as well, and then said, "Of course I'm glad to be back, babe."

"Well, I'm glad you're glad", Quinn said. "Jenna's glad, too. She's been so happy since you've been home. I mean, she's usually pretty happy, but she missed you a lot."

"Well, I missed her, too", Santana said.

Quinn smiled and took a sip of wine. She looked down for a second and then looked back up at Santana. "Hon, can I tell you something?"

"Of course, babe. What is it?"

"When you asked me the other night if there is anything else you needed to be aware of, I said no."

"I remember."

"Well, there is something else I think you should be aware of."

"Okay…is everything alright?" Santana asked, concern creeping into her voice.

Quinn smiled and exhaled. "It is now, but I wanted to let you know that I was really lonely while you were gone."

"I'm sorry, babe. Well, I'm back now."

"I know, but I wanted you to know anyway. I missed you so, so much. It's always been hard for me every time you would leave, but it got increasingly harder over the last three years, and especially hard once Jenna started school." Quinn paused for a second and then continued. "I need you. I need you with me. My life isn't complete when you're not around. It's not as fun to cook when you're not here. I don't get to go out like this", Quinn gestured with her hand, "when you're not here. I miss you in our bed. I miss curling into you on the couch. I miss you stroking my hair. I miss drawing patterns on your stomach with my finger." Quinn paused again. "I miss everything about you when you are away."

Santana stared at her wife and felt a lump form in her throat. "Babe - I never knew that my being away was so hard on you. I mean, I realize it was hard, but not to this extent. Why didn't you ever say anything to me?"

"I didn't want you to worry about something you had no control over. I mean, going away was part of your job, and I knew that." Quinn gave her wife a sincere look.

Santana exhaled deeply and squeezed her wife's hand. "Well, I want you to know that I missed you too, and I'm so happy to be back." She smiled.

"I know", Quinn said. "I just…" Quinn trailed off.

"What, babe?"

"I just - I just don't ever want to be apart from you again".

Santana smiled at her wife. Quinn smiled back. There was a moment of silence, and then Santana took a sip of her beer and changed the subject. "So, uh, what else is new? You talk to anyone while I was gone?"

"Mercedes is working on a new album. Kurt's still teaching at NYADA, and Rachel's got a show on Broadway that runs through the summer."

"The Hobbit", Santana said, referring to Rachel.

"San, stop it", Quinn admonished lightly. "She's a good friend."

"Maybe to you. She's still a hobbit to me."

"She's a good friend to both of us. You should call her sometime, now that you're back."

"I'll think about it."

"You know, she considers you a better friend than you probably think she does."

"Again – I'll think about it", Santana said and then smiled slightly to placate Quinn. Santana actually did think of Rachel as a better friend that Quinn thought she did, but she didn't want to let on. Santana was still Santana.

Their meals came, and Santana ordered another round of drinks.

"So, have you thought any more about what you're going to do, now that you're home for good?" Quinn asked.

Santana paused. It was the same question her former comrades had asked her. "I don't know yet."

"Think you'll go back to college? The army will pay for you to go back, right? You could get back into dancing, get your degree."

"I'm not sure."

"Really? Hmmm…" Quinn said, and looked down at her food.

"What do you mean by, 'Hmmm', babe?" Santana asked her wife.

"I don't know. I guess I thought you'd be more excited to get back into dancing and the stuff you love."

Santana put down her fork. She took a sip of her beer and looked at Quinn. "You know, Q, I thought I would, too. I thought I would jump right back to where I was before I joined the army, but ever since I've been back, I've felt, like…" Santana paused, searching for the correct words.

"Like what, hon?"

"I don't know. I guess I feel kind of empty somehow. I mean, don't get me wrong – I'm really happy to be back, and I've enjoyed the free time this past week, but I guess I feel kind of like, I don't know - maybe directionless, or something."

"San, look." Quinn put down her fork as well and looked at her wife and smiled knowingly. "I know you enjoyed being in the Army Rangers. I know you enjoyed it more than you let on. I know you would gloss over how much you liked it whenever I would ask you, but I knew. I know I'm blonde, but I'm not a total idiot". Quinn motioned to her hair, and Santana laughed. Quinn took Santana's hand and squeezed it. "Look, I realize it has to be kind of hard to adjust, but your life is with your family now. I need you. Jenna needs you."

"Babe – I already told you that I'm not going anywhere".

"I know. What I'm saying is that it's okay if you need to take your time and figure things out, as long as whatever you decide, we all get to be together."

"Thanks, babe. It's just hard to readjust to civilian life after you've experienced what I've been through."

"Hon - I understand that, and I'm not pressuring you to be on any timetable or anything."

"I know, and I appreciate it. I've always appreciated all of the support that you've given me." Santana squeezed her wife's hand. "It's just nice to be back."

"It's nice to have you back, hon." Quinn smiled at her wife and batted her eyes. "I love you."

"I love you, too", Santana said, as she returned the smiled and went back to her dinner.

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Hours later, Santana laid in bed, staring at the ceiling. After two rounds of lovemaking, Quinn had curled into her and fallen asleep. Santana had closed her eyes, but her mind was working through thoughts. She was confused, and her confusion had her a bit worried. She thought that the feelings of nervousness and being disconnected that she had experienced upon previous returns home wouldn't come on her final return, but they did, and she didn't know why. She thought that the feelings of being a stranger in her own town and even in her own home wouldn't come on her final return either. She figured that she would jump right back into dancing and the things she loved upon her return home, but she didn't. It was true, what she had told Quinn - she was happy to be home and enjoyed the time off, but a part of her felt empty, like something was missing. She couldn't put her finger on it, and it gnawed at her as she closed her eyes and tried again to sleep.


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

Santana was sitting at the kitchen table, drinking coffee and looking at college brochures. A week had passed since she had taken Quinn to her favorite Mediterranean restaurant, and since then Santana had spent the time contacting colleges and acquiring information. Now, she was pouring through what seemed like an endless stack of literature.

"Hi hon", Quinn said as she entered the kitchen. She came up behind Santana and kissed the back of her neck. "Find anything good?"

"I can't tell", Santana said. "They're all starting to look the same." Quinn gave her a "Be patient, no need to rush through these" look, and Santana relaxed. "Maybe. Maybe there's something good here in this endless stack of dead trees."

Quinn smiled and said, "I hear Columbia State has a good dance program". The campus was only a few miles from their house. "Or, would you consider going back to NYADA?"

Santana looked up from her reading. "Babe – if I went back there, that would mean I would be away from you and Jenna again. I thought you didn't want that."

"Well, I never said we wouldn't come with you. I mean, I certainly wouldn't mind moving back to New York", Quinn said with a smile.

Santana smiled back. "Yeah, I know. I love New York, too, but it's expensive. Besides, this is a good setup for Jenna. Big house, nice neighborhood, school's nearby", Santana said.

Quinn smiled in agreement. She loved New York, but Santana was right. This was a good setup for Jenna. "You're right, hon." She paused for a second. "Well, whatever you decide."

"Ughhhhhhh." Santana threw down the brochure she was holding and ran her hands through her hair. "I can't decide anything. This is fucking tedious." She held up her thumb and forefinger an inch apart. "I'm like this close to saying, "Fuck it" and just getting a job bartending. I can dance on the side, for fun."

Quinn walked over to her and gave her a supportive hug. "Don't get frustrated, hon. Take your time looking. You don't have to figure it out right now. The army is still paying you for another two and a half months, right? You can take your time. And don't worry about location. We can go wherever you want. We can afford to move. We saved up a bunch of money with your salary on top of the army's housing stipend, plus the army helped us with bills. I can go back to work too, if need be, since now Jenna is in school for most of the day. Money's not really an issue, and neither is time, really."

"Thanks, babe", Santana said, calming down. "I'm just feeling like, overwhelmed, or something."

Quinn looked at her, bemused. "Really? The woman who can lead the army's most 'elite combat unit' on perilous missions is unable to negotiate the perilous path of signing up for college classes?" Quinn emphasized "elite combat unit" by exaggerating the words and using finger quotes.

"Hey", Santana snapped her fingers and pointed at Quinn. "Careful, blondie."

Quinn smiled benignly and stuck out her tongue, and Santana laughed. Then, Quinn said sincerely, "Well, you should do what you want and follow your dream, and we'll follow you." Quinn looked at her wife with meaningful eyes and said, "I mean, you still love dancing, right? That's still your dream, right?"

"Yeah…yeah, of course. I still want to dance", Santana said, not 100% sure.

"Well, then that's what you should do." Quinn smiled supportively. "I'm going to check on Jenna." Jenna was playing in the back yard. Quinn kissed Santana and left the room.

Santana ran her hands through her hair again and took a deep breath. I feel so directionless, she thought. Then, a whimsical thought entered her head: It's almost like life was easier when people were shooting at me. She laughed to herself and picked up another brochure.

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"Alright, everyone! Ready to play a game?"

Quinn, Santana and Jenna were at an afternoon birthday party for a girl named Katie, one of Jenna's friends from school. A bunch of the other the kids from the class were there, as well as their parents. Everyone was in the back yard of Katie's house. Katie's mother was getting the kids started on a game, and the parents were having drinks and appetizers on the back deck.

Santana was standing near the cake. She wasn't really sure what to do with herself. She didn't know any of these parents, and Quinn hadn't really made friends with any of them either, so Santana hadn't been introduced to any of them. She thought about going inside into the kitchen to be near Quinn, but it was already crowded in there.

"So, which one is yours?" Santana looked up in the direction of the voice and saw a man standing next to her. He looked to be about her age.

Santana smiled and pointed to Jenna. "That one right there."

"Oh", the man said. "Your daughter bit mine a few weeks ago."

"Oh", Santana said. Her smile disappeared. "I heard about that. I'm sorry. I was away when it happened."

"Yeah, I know. The principle called us. She told us you were out of town but that your wife had offered to call us with an apology."

"Okay", said Santana, not really sure what to say.

"I'm Steve, by the way."

"Santana. Nice to meet you."

"So, you're in the army, right?"

"That's right. How did you know?"

"The principle told us."

"Oh. Well, actually I _was_ in the army. I was discharged a couple weeks ago."

"Well, that must be nice. Are you working right now, or…" he let it hang.

"No, I'm looking around, just exploring options. Enjoying free time."

"Well, it must be nice to be out regardless."

"Yeah, it is nice", Santana said, but she detected a bit of a patronizing undertone in Steve's voice, so she asked, "Why do you say that?"

"Well, it's the army. I mean, shitty hours, low pay, and kind of not serving much of a purpose."

Santana turned towards him. "What do you mean by that?"

"Well, what I mean is, we have the world's largest standing army, and we pay them billions of dollars a year, while they don't do a damn thing."

"How do you know that? Have you ever served?" Santana's voice stated to take on an edge.

"Nope, and I don't need to. I got the internet. Tells me everything I need to know."

Christ, Santana thought. This guy's an ass. I should just walk away right now, she thought, but something in her kept going.

"Alright, look. You're right in the sense that not every single person in the army serves a worthwhile function, but that's no different from any other organization out there."

"Sure, but the army is on a much bigger scale, so it wastes more dollars. And _no_ one in that organization is serving any purpose."

"That's not true. There are plenty of people serving a purpose. There's a lot more going on than you know about from your internet." Santana glared at Steve. "Think about it like the police. Yes, it sucks when a cop hands you a speeding ticket, and I know it seems like a lot of times the police are never around when you need them and only around to give out tickets and write citations, but that's not true. How many crimes have been solved or prevented because of the police? How many people have been saved by the police? How many criminals have thought about committing a crime but didn't because of police presence, but would have gone through with their crime if the police didn't exist? Just because you don't know about everything that's happening doesn't mean things don't have a purpose."

At that moment Quinn came outside. "Hey, hon", she said cheerfully. She looked at Santana and could instantly tell she was upset. "What's going on?"

"We're just talking", Santana said, still glaring at Steve.

"Mr. Lopez?" Steve said. "Or, the other Mrs. Lopez, should I say? Your daughter bit my daughter a few weeks ago."

"Oh", Quinn said, mortified. "I'm so sorry. I offered to call you to apologi-"

"I know, the principle told us. It's okay", Steve said. "The bite wasn't serious. Although, I can see where your daughter gets her aggressive behavior from." He looked at Santana disapprovingly.

"What did you just say?" Santana seethed through her teeth.

"San – hon. Come on, let's go inside."

"No. No, I'm not going inside. I want to find out what this guy's problem is."

Steve looked at Santana ."Well, my problem is that the army is the biggest waste of money in the world", he said self-righteously. "I mean, just look around us." He motioned to their current environment. "What do we need an army for? It's not like we are under attack or anything", he added sarcastically.

"You know what? You're a fucking idiot!" Santana's voice started to rise. A few of the other parents looked over. "The reason we're not under attack is because we _have _an army. The reason we can get together for a nice birthday party like this without having to worry about someone throwing a hand grenade into the middle of the yard is because we have an army. The army protects us, whether you know that or not. The reason people like you are able to sleep in a warm bed, shop at nice stores, go out to the movies, go for a ride in your expensive car, and take your child to a birthday party or to go play in the park is because there are people who are willing to put their lives on the line to ensure the freedom you take for granted. People like me, and the unit I commanded, who go through hell and then some, are the reason that people like you can go through their lives blissful and ignorant, in a safe world, where you can have a philosophical argument, a walk in the park, or dinner at a nice restaurant without having to worry about a bomb blowing up in front of you and ripping you and the people you care about to shreds!"

"Hey", Steve said. "Chill out. You don't' have to go all Sergeant Slaughter on me."

"Please", Quinn said to Steve and held up her hand in a gesture of peace. Quinn could tell her wife was about to blow her top, and, even though Steve really was an ass, Quinn didn't want him to end up with a broken nose and a fractured collarbone at a kid's birthdays party. "San, please. Let's go inside. I need some help in the kitchen." Quinn said, even though she didn't really need help, and touched her wife's arm.

"You know what?" Santana said and looked around. "It's fine. Everything's fine." She glared at Steve one last time. "Enjoy the fucking birthday party." Santana pulled away from Quinn's touch and walked towards the front of the house. Quinn followed her.

"San – hon, where are you going?"

"I'm outta here. I can't be around idiots like that."

"Hon – please, calm down." Quinn grabbed Santana's arm gently and spun her around. "What about Jenna? She's going to wonder where you went."

"Tell her I had to go run an errand. I'm sorry, Q, but if I spend one more minute around that guy, or if anyone else here says something stupid, I'm gonna go Lima Heights Adjacent on someone's ass."

"San-" Quinn said.

"I'm sorry, Q, but I gotta leave, like, right now." And with that, Santana turned around and walked out of the birthday party.

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

Quinn and Santana were in the kitchen. They had just put Jenna to bed. After Santana had stormed out of the birthday party, Quinn had gone to Jenna and told her that Mama had to run an errand. Fortunately, Jenna was having too good of a time to notice her Mama's absence. Quinn, however, was not having as good of a time. The rest of the party had been a bit awkward for her, but fortunately, her natural charm and beautiful smile allowed her to smooth things over and make the rest of the party bearable. Santana had apologized to both Quinn and Jenna when they arrived home from the party, and the three of them had eaten dinner together. Jenna had barely noticed her mama's absence from the party, so there were no hurt feelings on her part, but Santana could tell that Quinn was still upset.

"Hey babe", Santana said, as she cracked open a beer. "I'm sorry about today. I guess I overreacted."

"It's okay, hon", Quinn said, as she sipped a glass of wine.

"I hope things weren't too awkward for you after I left."

"Well, I don't think we'll be going to Steve's daughter's birthday party, but other than that it was fine." Quinn looked down at the wine glass she was holding for a moment and then looked back up at her wife. "So, I never really quite got what happened at the party."

"Oh, yeah". I guess I owe my wife an explanation, Santana thought.

"We don't have to talk about it if you don't want," Quinn said. Santana took that to mean, "You should give me an explanation, now."

"It's no big deal. That guy was just talking shit about the army, being an insulting and ignorant asshole."

"Oh, that sucks. I'm sorry, hon. Like, what was he saying?"

"He was basically saying that the army is the biggest waste of money and serves no purpose."

"Well, he's wrong." Quinn smiled at Santana and then looked down for a second. She stared at the floor for a moment and then said, "San – why did you get so upset?

"Because, that guy was being an ignorant ass."

"No, I get that. I mean, why did you get so upset over him being an ignorant ass?"

"Because, Q, that dumbass had no idea what he was talking about. On top of that, it was the way he was talking, talking down to me in a patronizing tone, like he knew everything and I was an idiot, and he doesn't know shit."

"I know, but my point is…I guess what I'm asking is, why did you take it so personally?" When Santana didn't answer, Quinn followed up with, "It mean, it's not like you're still in the army or anything."

"No, I'm not, but I put three years of hard work into it, and I'm very proud of what I've accomplished, and I'm not going to let some idiot dishonor the army and the people I've worked with by talking shit when he has no idea what he's talking about."

"Hon- I guess I get that, but you don't have to take it so personally. I mean, it's not like that guy insulted our family." She looked at her wife and said frankly, "You know, San, not everyone loves the army as much as you do."

"So, you wouldn't be pissed off if some idiot was talking shit about cheerleaders, saying they were all just a bunch of dumb sluts with nothing more to offer than tits and ass?" Santana was starting to get annoyed.

"Of course I would be upset, San. I get your point. All I'm saying is that, it seemed like you got more upset than you should have. You were acting as if you were still in the army."

"Well, I get that I'm not in the army anymore, but doing backflips for halftime entertainment at a football game and taking gunfire in battle while trying to eliminate a terrorist cell to prevent them from detonating a bomb in the middle of a school and killing hundreds of innocent children are two different things." When Quinn didn't say anything, Santana rolled on. "Look. I put _my_ life on the line for people like that Steve guy, and everyone else in this country, so they can go through _their _lives safe and sound. And you know what? I don't need a medal, or a big hug, or even a pat on the back, or even a thank you. But I sure as hell don't need someone shit-talking the work that I've done, and the people I've served with, when that person has no fucking idea what he's talking about."

Quinn put down her glass of wine and sighed. "You know what, San? I get it. I really do." She looked down, took a deep breath, exhaled, and then looked back up at her wife. "Look, I know how much being in the Rangers meant to you, and I know how much you've done for this country, and for this family. But you know what _you_ need to get? _You_ need to get that your life in the army was a different life. A former life. It's not your life anymore, and you need to start acting like you're a…civilian, and not a soldier." Quinn looked at her wife for what felt like eternity, and then she turned around and walked towards their bedroom. Santana started to say "Q-" but stopped herself, put her beer down on the counter, hung her head and exhaled deeply.

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

An hour later, Santana was watching the news in the living room. Quinn had gone to bed. It was the first night since Santana had returned home that the two of them had not gone to bed together. Santana had wanted to follow Quinn into the bedroom, apologize for upsetting her, and hold Quinn in her arms until they fell asleep, but something in her made her decide against that. God, why am I so stubborn, she thought? as she stared at the TV screen. I should have just followed her in there and said I was sorry.

"And, in other news, the military has stopped yet another terrorist plot. Assad Bin-Muhammed, a high-ranking official in Al Qaida, has been captured after U.S. Special Forces raided an Al Qaida compound just outside Islamabad, Pakistan…" The anchor's voice trailed off into the distance as Santana started to lose herself in thought while the images flickered on the screen. What am I doing here? she thought to herself. Maybe I just don't belong here, in this civilian world. Maybe I belong back in the army. As she was thinking about that, another thought popped into her head. It was Johnson's words, the words he had said to her in Germany, the last time she had seen him and her former team members, right before she came home.

Once a Ranger, always a Ranger.


	13. Chapter 13

Thanks again for all of the feedback. For those of you just joining, I am uploading chapters as I finish them, so the current number of chapters is not what the total number of chapters in the end will be (total in the end may be in the high teens or around 20, still TBD). FYI the story is pretty much done, but I haven't had time to polish everything, which is why I can't upload all of the chapters at once (once I polish a chapter then I upload it). Also, even though the story is pretty much done, I have been absorbing your feedback, so I may make slight alterations to the story as I have it now (although the overall story won't change). Lastly, I know some of you have written asking questions about what will happen. You'll just have to wait and see. =)

Chapter 13

Quinn was at home, straightening up around the kitchen. Santana had gone for a run, and Jenna was at school. The kitchen didn't really need any straightening up, but Quinn was thinking about things, and when she was thinking about things, she often engaged in mindless cleaning or straightening up. Quinn was starting to worry about Santana. Santana had been back for three weeks, and in Quinn's eyes, she hadn't made much progress in terms of settling in. Quinn was worried that Santana seemed so directionless. Santana had even admitted to feeling so. Quinn got the feeling that Santana wasn't as passionate about dancing as she had been before she joined the army. She figured that by now Santana would have jumped right back into her love of dancing, picked a college and signed up for classes. Santana had always been a decisive person. Impulsive, yes, but still decisive, so to see her wallowing aimlessly in college brochures and unable to make a decision was a bit concerning. Then there was the argument at the birthday party. Yes, that guy Steve was ignorant, and yes, Santana was hot-headed, but Quinn had been surprised that Santana had become so upset. Quinn would have equated the degree to which Santana had lost her cool to an offense as bad as Steve insulting Santana or the family, not just insulting a job that Santana used to work. And then there were the more subtle things that Quinn had been noticing. Since Santana's return, Quinn had made multiple mentions of how happy she was that Santana was back and how she never wanted to be apart from Santana ever again. Santana had repeatedly said that she was happy to be home and had no intention of going anywhere, but there was something in her voice, like a touch of uncertainty, as if she wasn't 100 percent sure that she didn't want to run off again to someplace else. Quinn figured it was just due to the newness of being back home, and that once that wore off, Santana would sound more certain, but Santana had been home for three weeks now, and she didn't seem any more settled than the day she returned. Physically maybe, but not mentally or emotionally.

Quinn picked up her cell phone. Without really thinking about what she was doing, she dialed a number and placed the phone to her ear.

"Quinn?" came the voice on the other end of the line.

"Hey, Mercedes."

"Quinn Fabray-Lopez! Is that you?"

"Yes, Mercedes, it's me."

Mercedes squealed into the phone. "How are you, girl?"

"I'm good, how are you?"

"I'm good, I'm good. How's everything? How's Jenna? How's Santana? She's home, right? Are you soooo glad to have your wife back? It must be awesome!" Mercedes sung the word "awesome" in her trademark high D.

"Yeah, yeah, it's great. Jenna's great. She's really happy to have Santana home", Quinn said.

"Okay…" Mercedes let it hang. "Are _you_ happy to have Santana home?" Mercedes asked, in a questioning voice. She had picked up something in Quinn's tone that sounded unsure, confused, maybe even sad.

"Yeah, yeah, totally, I mean, it's like, you know, uh, I guess just a bit of an adjustment, but yeah, I'm really, really happy", Quinn said, in the tone that Mercedes had picked up.

"Quinn – what's going on?" Mercedes asked, concern creeping into her voice. "Everything alright? You sound like…I don't know, like less than ecstatic, which is how I would expect you to sound, given that your wife just returned home for good."

"I, uh, yeah, I mean, things are good…" Quinn trailed off.

"Quinn – what it is?"

"I'm sorry, Mercedes, I just…" Quinn's voice started to waver a bit. "Do you have time to talk right now? I mean, I don't want to bother you if you're right in the mid-"

"Quinn – stop. Of course I have time. I'm just sitting around in the studio right now while my producer mixes some tracks. And, even if I wasn't just sitting around, I'd make time for you." Quinn smiled at that. "So, what's going on?" Mercedes asked again.

"Thanks, Mercedes, That means so much to me", Quinn said and then sighed audibly into the phone. "It's Santana. I don't really know how to say this, and maybe it's not that big of a deal, but…it's like, she seems like she's having a hard time adjusting to being back home. I thought she'd be so happy to be back, but sometimes it feels like…it feels like she'd rather be back in the army." Quinn's voice broke up, and she let out a little sob.

"Hey, hey, Quinn, stop, it's okay, honey. It's okay." Mercedes tried to comfort her. "Look, first of all I'm sure everything is fine. Second of all, Santana may be having a hard time adjusting to being back, but that doesn't mean she doesn't _want_ to be back. You know what I mean?"

"I guess so", Quinn said, even though she really didn't. The tears had stopped but her voice was still wavering.

"Look, being away from home for a while, and then coming back home, it takes some time to readjust. It's always like that for me after I get home from a tour. I imagine it's the same for someone in the army as well. I mean, how long was Santana gone for this last time around?"

"3 months." Quinn said.

"3 months. That's a long time. And, she was in the army altogether for like 3 years, right?"

"Yeah."

"So, think about that", Mercedes said. "Think about all of that time, living life a certain way, channeling yourself into that life, that purpose, and then you get home, and suddenly that purpose is gone. Now you have no purpose. Your life totally changes, and now you've got to figure out what to do with yourself."

"I guess. But, Santana's life has a purpose. She's my wife and Jenna's mother. What more purpose do you need than that? Family. I mean, she joined the army for her family, so she could provide for her family."

"Right, I remember that, but sometimes in the course of doing something, things change, right?"

"I guess."

"You guess?" Mercedes chided. "I remember a cheerleader who joined a Glee Club to spy on it and sabotage the whole damn thing, and she ended up really enjoying it in the end. You know anybody like that?"

Quinn could hear Mercedes' smiling slyly through the phone, and she smiled as well. "Yeah, okay, I get it."

"So, Santana may have joined the army with one purpose but came out feeling differently about it."

"I guess", Quinn said again.

"Look, Quinn. I remember when we talked right before Santana joined the army, when you guys were still living in New York. You told me Santana was joining the army, and I remember laughing out loud in disbelief. I remember asking you where that decision came from, and you gave me the whole story, all the reasons, and told me that you guys had been discussing it and researching it for months."

"Yeah, I remember".

"So, what I'm saying is, it took you guys months to make the decision to have Santana join the army. Then, she was in the army for three years. Now, she's been out for what, a couple of weeks? You can't expect her to just switch off three years of service and months of planning before that in the blink of an eye. It'll take time for her to readjust. The other thing is, you guys made the decision _together_ that she should join the army. Santana didn't make it alone, right?" Mercedes asked.

"That's right."

"It was months of planning together, right? So, maybe you guys need to work together to help Santana readjust to life at home now that she is out of the army, just like you guys worked together to get her in there. Maybe she can't make the adjustment all by herself. Maybe she needs you to help her readjust, just as much as you need her around."

Quinn breathed deep. Everything Mercedes said made sense, and Quinn had been so wrapped up in what she wanted that she hadn't stopped to think about what she could be doing to help Santana give it to her. She hadn't thought about how hard it would be for Santana to make the adjustment back to civilian life, and that maybe she couldn't make that adjustment by herself.

"So, what should I do?" Quinn asked.

"Just let Santana know that you're there for her, to help her make the adjustment back home, and just give her the space and time she needs to make that adjustment." Mercedes paused for a second and then said, "That's all you can do, really."

Quinn smiled. "Thanks, Mercedes. I really appreciate the talk. I think I need to do some thinking."

"No problem, Quinn. Call me anytime, and tell everyone I said hi, unless you're trying to keep this conversation on the DL."

"Okay, by Mercedes."

"By Quinn".

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

Quinn, Santana, and Jenna were having a picnic at the park. Quinn spread out the blanket and handed out sandwiches and drinks. Jenna sat between her mothers and smiled with delight. Having picnics in the park was one of her favorite things, and she couldn't wait to have picnics all the time with both of her mothers now that Mama was home.

The park was empty, except for a jogger and a group of people practicing Tai Chi.

"Mommy, what are those people doing?" Jenna asked with a mouthful of sandwich and pointed towards the Tai Chi group.

"Bunny, don't talk with your mouth full", Quinn scolded lightly and wiped crumbs from Jenna's mouth. "They're doing Tai Chi."

"What's Tai Chi?" Jenna made it sound like "Tai Tea."

"It's a martial art, or meditation, or something", she looked at Santana, who knew way more about martial arts than she did. "Hon, how would describe Tai Chi?"

Santana smiled at her wife and then looked at her daughter. "Mommy is right. Tai Chi is a martial art, but it's a different kind of martial art, that combines martial art with meditation." Jenna looked at Santana in confusion, and Santana realized that her explanation went right over her daughter's head. She thought for a moment about the best way to explain Tai Chi to a four-year old, who really didn't know what martial arts or meditation were, and then said, "It's kind of like…well, it's kind of like dancing."

"Dancing!" Jenna exclaimed. "I want to do dancing. Mama dances!" Jenna looked at Santana. Santana beamed.

"That's right, Bunny", Quinn said. "Your Mama is the best dancer in the _whole _world." Quinn looked at Santana and smiled. Santana smiled back.

"Mama, will you teach me how to dance?" Jenna asked and looked up at Santana.

Santana looked at Jenna. Her daughter, one of the two most important people in the world, was asking her beloved Mama to teach her how to dance. Santana remembered how much she used to love dancing as a child and how she had wished her mother would have loved dancing as much as she did and would have taught her. She looked at Jenna and felt tears start to well up in her eyes. Having her baby girl ask her this was a dream come true. Santana still loved dancing herself, but for some reason, ever since she had returned, she didn't feel as though she loved it as much as she did before she joined the army. Dancing had been her number one passion before she joined. Maybe teaching Jenna how to dance will make dancing the number one passion in my own life again, Santana thought.

"San?" Santana heard Quinn's voice. She blinked, came to, and wiped a tear from her eye. She looked up, and Quinn and Jenna were both staring at her. "Hon, are you okay? What were you thinking about?" Quinn asked gently and smiled.

"I'm sorry, I was just spacing out, thinking about how nice it is to be back with my family, and be able to do this", Santana said and gestured to the picnic they were having. She leaned behind Jenna and gave Quinn a kiss on the lips.

"Mama, will you teach me how to dance?" Jenna asked again. She hadn't taken her eyes off of Santana.

Santana looked down at her daughter, gave her a big smile, and kissed her on the top of her head. "Of course, Bunny", she said. "Of course. Nothing would make me happier."

Jenna giggled, and Quinn smiled a very happy smile.

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

Later that night, Santana was in bed with Quinn. Quinn was asleep on her side, facing Santana. Santana was laying on her back, staring at the ceiling, continuing her thinking about her current life situation. Quinn stirred in her sleep, and a piece of her hair fell across her face. Santana looked at her wife and pushed it back behind her ear. She smiled, thinking about how beautiful Quinn looked when she slept, and then she thought about Jenna asking her Mama to teach her how to dance. Since Santana had returned, she'd gone back and forth on what to do with her life, but having her daughter ask her to teach her how to dance should be the only thing she needed to make a decision, she thought. I belong here, Santana thought. I belong with my family. Maybe I'm putting too much pressure on myself to make a decision right now about what to do with the rest of my life. It took months for me to decide to join the army, and I served for 3 years. Maybe I just need to chill out and enjoy the time with my family.

She looked at her wife again. Quinn's nose twitched as she slept, and Santana smiled. She closed her eyes and fell asleep.


	14. Chapter 14

Quick note: This story has a few twists and turns, and since I am not sure of exactly how many chapters there will be, I will put a big **The End** after the last chapter, so you will know when the story is over. Thanks again for reading and for all of the feedback. I hope you are still enjoying the story,

Chapter 14

Santana was running. Not jogging – running. She was on mile 9 of 15, pounding the pavement at a pace of 6 ½ minutes per mile. She had been out of the Rangers for a little over a month, and she was still in battle-ready shape. She liked to run while she did her thinking, and she had been doing a lot of thinking lately. Her feet pounded the pavement as her brain ran even faster.

Ever since I've been back, Santana thought, I've felt lost, and I don't know why. I feel directionless. I'm confused. I feel torn between two lives. I love my family. I love my wife. I love my daughter. They mean so much to me, and I do want to be with them. But, I miss being a Ranger. There's nothing like being on Alpha Team. I was someone in the army. I was important. I had a purpose. I don't know what my purpose is anymore. Plus, it just seems like I have trouble relating to anything or anyone outside of the army, besides my wife and my daughter. I just don't know what to do right now, Santana continued thinking as she ran. How do I decide which life to choose?

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

Santana and Quinn were in the living room. They had put Jenna to sleep an hour ago and had just finished cleaning up from dinner. Santana was lying on the floor, looking through more college brochures. Jenna expressing interest in dancing had motivated Santana to continue her search for a dance program for herself. Santana still hadn't found a program she liked enough to enroll in, but at least she was still looking. Quinn was on the couch reading a book. Actually, she was trying to read, but she kept looking over at Santana. She had been thinking about her conversation with Mercedes, and the best way to approach telling Santana that she would give her all of the love and support she needed to make the adjustment to being back home. She finally just figured it was best to just say it, so she put down her book and looked up.

"San?"

"Yeah?" Santana said, not looking up.

"Can I tell you something?"

Santana stopped reading and looked up. "Of course, babe. What is it?"

"Um…I just wanted to let you know that, um, whatever you need to…help you adjust to being back home…I'm here for you." Quinn smiled at her wife.

Santana smiled back. "Thanks, babe. I really appreciate it."

Quinn got off the couch and walked over to where Santana was lying on the carpet. She knelt down and kissed her wife on the cheek. "I'm here for you, hon", she said. "And I love you". She nuzzled into the back of Santana's neck.

Santana looked back at Quinn and smiled. "Thanks, babe", she said. "The support really means a lot. I love you too." She kissed her wife on the lips. Quinn smiled, and then got up, resumed her position on the couch, grabbed her book and continued reading. Santana continued to smile for a moment longer and then went back to her brochures. She was starting in on a new one when her cell phone rang. The caller ID was blocked, but she knew people with blocked phone numbers, so she answered anyway. "Hello?" she said.

"Alpha Team drops in one minute!" boomed a male voice full of army bravado from the other end of the line.

"Johnson?" Santana said, completely surprised. Her face broke into a smile and she stood up.

"What's up, Sarge?" Johnson spoke so loudly that it sounded like he was on speakerphone. Quinn looked up from her book. She could hear Johnson's voice through Santana's phone from where she was sitting. Quinn had never met any of Santana's army compatriots, but judging by what she could hear, she figured it was one of Santana's former team members on the other end of the line. She smiled, shook her head and rolled her eyes before going back to her book.

"Nothing. How are ya? What's going on? Where are you?" Santana's voice had taken on a different tone, a little deeper, a little firmer, a little more bravado. It was a tone that Quinn had never heard before, and Quinn realized that this must be the tone that Santana used when she was in the army. This was the tone of Sergeant First Class Santana Lopez. Quinn shook her head and rolled her eyes again in amusement.

"We're at Benning, Sarge. Me, Terrell and Renzo."

"You're in town? For how long?" Santana started ambling around the room while she talked.

"Just tonight. We ship out tomorrow."

"Where are you headed?"

"Sarge – you know the drill. I could tell ya, but then I'd have to kill ya", Johnson said and bellowed with laughter. Santana laughed as well.

"Yeah, yeah, fair enough."

"Hey – we got a free night. We're gonna go grab a beer. You wanna join us?"

"Where are you headed?"

"Daniel's", Johnson said. Santana knew the place. She had been there with the guys before. It was a pub between the base and Columbus State that got a mix of locals, college kids and military. Santana didn't really like the place, because it was usually packed with drunk college douchebags, but it was a chance to see her former teammates, so she let that go. She guessed Renzo had picked the place since it gave him a decent shot at picking up a coed for the night.

"Alright, I'm in." Santana said.

"The Sarge is in!" Santana heard Johnson announce, and she could hear Terrell and Renzo whooping in the background.

"When are you rolling out?" Santana asked.

"We'll see you in 30?" Thirty minutes.

"Alright, I'll see you guys there."

"Alright, Sarge. Over and out!"

Santana hung up the phone. She smiled, excited at the prospect of seeing her former team members, but then she remembered that she needed to check with Quinn first to see if it would be okay if she ducked out for a drink. She looked over at her wife, who had put down her book and was now standing as well, smiling at her.

"Rolling out?" Quinn said, raising her eyebrows and mocking her wife's use of words in good fun. "What, are you going on a mission tonight?"

Santana smiled sheepishly, realizing that Quinn had been listening to her talk in her army voice with military jargon. "Well, it's some of the guys from my unit – my _old_ unit. They're in town just for tonight, and-"

"Yeah, I got it", Quinn said smiling, "from what I could make out from your conversation, as well as the voice booming through your phone, and also by the tone of _your_ voice." She took a couple steps closer towards her wife. "Was that the voice of Sergeant First Class Santana Lopez?" Quinn asked, mocking Santana's bravado-filled tone. She teased her wife, giving her a salute.

Santana laughed, and then grabbed Quinn. Quinn squealed, and Santana spun her around. She gave Quinn a squeeze and held her wife in her arms. "Listen here, blondie", she said, and kissed Quinn on the side of her neck. Quinn laughed lightly. "So, is it okay if I go out for a drink?" Santana asked Quinn between administering kisses to Quinn's neck.

"If you keep kissing me like that, I may not let you go anywhere but our bedroom", Quinn said in a flirty voice. She was torn. On the one hand, she knew that Santana was on the fence about what to do with her life, and she didn't want this outing with her former teammates to sway her back towards rejoining the army. On the other hand, she remembered her conversation with Mercedes, and the pledge she made to herself to give Santana whatever support she needed to make the adjustment back to civilian life. Maybe this will be good for her, Quinn thought. Maybe this will help Santana make the transition. She can see her former comrades-in-arms for a drink but not have to go off to battle with them. Maybe this will help her let go and get the closure on the army that she needs. She turned around and looked at her wife. "Of course, hon", she said. "I'm totally okay with you going out for a drink, as long as those guys understand one thing." She looked at her wife with big, green eyes.

"What's that, babe"?

"That you're in the Fabray-Lopez Army now, and in that army I'm the commanding officer", Quinn said, as she smiled and kissed Santana on the lips.

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

Daniel's was crowded and loud. Santana walked in and started scanning the room, when she heard Johnson's laugh over the rest of the noise. She snaked through the crowd and found the guys sitting at a table near the bar.

"Alpha Team!" Santana yelled as she approached the table. The three men looked up and let out a chorus of whoops.

"Sarge! Wassup!" Johnson got up and embraced her.

"Hey, Sarge!" Terrell extended his hand.

"Sarge! Good to see you." Renzo tipped his beer in Santana's direction.

"Guys, it's Santana now. Just Santana."

"No way. You'll always be Sarge to us", Johnson said. Terrell and Renzo nodded in agreement.

"_Damn_, look at _Sarge_", Renzo said. "All decked out civilian-like". Santana was wearing jeans, a black designer tank-top, and black high heeled boots. The guys were dressed in their standard issue night-off garb – tan T-shirts, camouflage pants and combat boots. She looked at Renzo and smiled. "Thanks, Renzo – but don't look too tong".

"Aw, hell no, Sarge, I'm just fuckin' with ya." Renzo said to Santana, and then looked at Johnson and Terrell, who were staring at him like he had a death wish, and said, "Shit, are you kidding me? I ain't _that _crazy. Sarge would kick my ass if I started staring". Johnson and Terrell laughed.

"Have a seat, Sarge. Grab a beer." Terrell motioned to the pitcher. Santana sat down, grabbed a glass, and emptied the last of the beer from the pitcher into her glass.

"So, what's new, fellas? Or, at least, what's new that you can tell me about?" Santana knew the rules. Soldiers who participated in special operations were tight-lipped about any activities that pertained to the job.

Johnson leaned in. "You been watching the news lately, Sarge?"

"Yeah…?" Santana said. It took a few seconds for her to register what Johnson was talking about. "Wait – that was you guys?" Santana recalled the news from a couple of weeks ago that a high-ranking Al Qaida leader had been captured by a team of U.S Special Operations soldiers.

"Hell yeah. In and out in three minutes. Bagged 29 hostiles and grabbed the target. Back in the choppers in another two, and back to base in another thirty", Terrell said proudly.

Renzo leaned in. "Like clockwork. It was just like how you woulda led it, Sarge", he said and smiled.

"Nice work, boys", Santana said. She smiled at the thought of the adrenaline rush she used to get while participating in a mission.

"We missed you on that one, Sarge. " Johnson said.

Santana smiled at that thought as well, of being missed by these elite commandos. "Well, it sounds like you guys did a great job without me anyway."

"Hey ", Terrell said. "Guess who lead the A-Team on that one?"

Santana's eyes narrowed, and then went wide. "You!?" She pointed at Terrell.

Terrell laughed. "Awww, hell no, Sarge. I'm just there to blow shit up." He looked at Santana and then tipped his head to his right. Santana looked at Johnson, and Johnson smiled.

"No way! You got it?" Santana said to Johnson, referring to the command position. Johnson nodded proudly, and Santana slapped him on the back. "Alright! Congrats, Johnson".

"Thanks, Sarge. Means a lot coming from you." Santana raised her glass, and the boys joined in.

"So, what have you been up to, Sarge?" Terrell asked.

"Nothing. Trying to figure out what I'm gonna do with my life", Santana said.

"Well, that sounds exciting", Renzo said sarcastically.

"Yeah, uh, not really", Santana replied. "It's like, it's kind of nice to not have people shooting at me, but…I don't know. I kind of miss it sometimes." She looked at the guys, and they nodded. They knew what she meant. She missed the action. She missed the comaraderie. She missed the feeling of having a purpose, of being part of an elite unit that throttled forward full-speed ahead. Santana looked at the three men sitting at the table and thought, these are people who understand me.

"Would you think about coming back?" Terrell asked.

"Well, I don't know if Johnson would want that. He'd have to relinquish command of Alpha Team", Santana said and looked at Johnson with a smile.

Johnson leaned in and looked straight at Santana. "You know what, Sarge? I'd have no problem doin' that, if you came back." Johnson looked at Santana with a look of utter sincerity.

"Straight up", Terrell said.

"Wow. Well, thanks." Santana said, not really knowing what else to say.

"Don't thank us, Sarge. We would be thanking you, if you came back", Renzo said. "We miss ya, Sarge."

"Yeah, we do", Terrell said.

"Once a Ranger, always a Ranger", Johnson said.

"Yeah…" Santana trailed off. The table got quiet for a moment, and Santana finished the last of her beer. "Hey, I'll get the next pitcher", she said. "I'll be right back". She stood up and walked over to the bar. She was standing with her elbows on the countertop when she heard a voice to her left.

"Ow, ow", came the cat call. Santana looked over and saw three guys standing about 5 feet away, undressing her with their eyes. One of the guys walked over to her. He was wearing a plaid button down shirt from Target and a backwards baseball cap. He looked to be in his early twenties. Brown curly hair. Solid build with a beer belly, like a former high school football player who has since done a few too many keg stands. A frat boy maybe. A bro. Santana leaned off the counter and scowled at him as he approached.

"What's up, hot tamale?" the guy slurred at Santana. He's buzzed, Santana thought. Not drunk, but buzzed.

Santana stared at him hard. "Are you talking to me?"

"Yeah, uh, you're the only Mexican beeeyatch in here", the bro said. His buddies laughed.

"Look, Curly Q, I'm gonna cut to the chase and spare us both the time. One, I'm married." Santana held up her left hand so the bro could see her ring. "Two, I'm hanging out with my fiends tonight, and three…well, you're kind of disgusting and slovenly, and you're making me want to throw up the chicken pot pie that my wife made me for dinner tonight."

The bro blinked, as if trying to process the barrage of information and insults that Santana had just rattled off. He fixated on the last thing. "Your wife? What are you, like, a lesbo?"

"Alright, bro-ham, listen, why don't you just turn around and walk away, forget that you ever saw me, and I can get my pitcher of beer and go back to having a nice evening with my friends."

"What, those army guys? Are you like, getting' the 'D' from them?" He looked back at his buddies who were enjoying the amusing spectacle in front of them, egging on their friend. "See, bros – even lesbos can be dick hoes". He and his buddies laughed at what they all thought was a clever choice of words. The bro turned back to Santana and said, "Looks like the army's serving some purpose, at least."

"Hey, asshole. I was their commanding officer." Santana's voice had turned edgy.

"Whoa, an officer? Awesome! Well, I'm saluting", the bro said and grabbed his crotch. His friends laughed again and shot him air high-fives.

Santana stepped closer. "Listen, dickface, I am this close to sending you to frat boy heaven", Santana held her thumb and index finger an inch apart.

"Well, if I'm going to heaven, then you'll be there." He winked at Santana. "I'll save you a place in my bed, you hot little taco tart", he said and licked his lips.

Just walk away, Santana said to herself. I should just walk away. But, just like with the asshole at the party, something in her made her keep going."

"You know what? Go fuck yourself!" Santana got right in the bro's face. "Although with that little piece of meat in your pants, I doubt that would be very fulfilling."

"Little?" The bro smiled. He was closing in on this hot little Mexican number and about to make his winning play for the score. Sometimes you just had to wear a bitch down before she gave it up. He'd done it before, and it would work again. It'll be a great story for the bros tomorrow, he thought. "I've got plenty to fill your taco, you hot lesbian slut." And with that, the bro grabbed Santana's hand and put it on his crotch, his other hand going for Santana's breasts.

Santana exploded in a combination of Lima Heights Adjacent fury and lethal Army Ranger hand-to-hand combat training. She grabbed the bro's crotch and squeezed hard. The bro's eyes shot open in a mixture of surprise and pain, and he doubled over. Santana grabbed the bro's other hand, the one that was going for her breasts, and bent it back, breaking the wrist. She took her hand off of the bro's crotch and delivered a vicious palm strike to the bro's jaw, breaking it and sending four teeth flying loose in his mouth. His head snapped back, and Santana followed with a barrage of elbow strikes to the bro's face. The bro's nose broke, and blood shot out and splattered all over Santana's shirt. An eye was jammed into its socket and a cheek bone shattered. Santana, still holding the now-broken hand that had been headed for her breasts, hooked the bro under his armpit with her free hand, pivoted, and threw the husky male over her shoulder. He crashed down onto a table, and the table broke under the impact. Glasses went flying and the bro tumbled down onto the floor.

"You motherfucker!" Santana raged. Patrons backed up. Eight large security men materialized. The bro was lying on the floor in a pool of his own blood and broken glass. Santana's former teammates rushed in and restrained her from stomping on the bro's face. Security escorted the four of them to the front door and shoved them out of the bar.

"Damn, Sarge. What the hell happened in there?" Johnson asked. They had been waiting for Santana to return with the next pitcher of beer and were deep in conversation when they heard the bro scream. They turned and looked, and before they could move off their chairs, Santana had ruptured the bro's testicles, broken his wrist, his jaw, four teeth, his nose, his right cheekbone, jammed his left eye into its socket, and thrown him so hard that the table he landed on had broken in two. They had just enough time to rush in and stop her from caving in the bro's face with her boot.

Santana stood silent, in a trance of rage and disbelief. In just under five seconds, she had completely altered the life of a drunk college kid. Yes, he was out of line, but Santana realized that the kid may never walk, see out of his left eye, or be able to eat solid foods again.

"Sarge, you alright?" Renzo asked Santana. Santana broke out of her trance, looked at the three men around her, and nodded.

"Damn", Terrell said, looking at the guys. "When's the last time you saw an ass whoopin' like that?" Everyone was silent for a moment, and then Terrell looked at Santana and smiled slightly. "You remember when you used to get paid for that shit?" he said.

Santana looked at the three men, then shook her head and laughed ever so slightly. She looked at the men and said, "Sorry about that, guys. Didn't mean to end the night early."

"Well", Johnson said. "I supposed we should get outta here."

"Yeah, I suppose so", Renzo said. "Very inspiring, Sarge."

"Never a dull moment, huh?" Terrell said.

"Nope. That's life in the Rangers" Johnson said.

"But Sarge ain't even in the Rangers anymore", Renzo said.

"Hey", Johnson said. "Once a Ranger, always a Ranger". He looked at Santana and nodded. Santana nodded back.

"Well, good seeing you guys again", Santana said and shook their hands. "Take care, and be safe." She turned around and started to head towards her car when she heard tires squeal and sirens erupt. Three police cars roared into the parking lot. Six policemen jumped out with their guns drawn.

"Freeze! Hands in the air!" the lead officer shouted. Santana and her teammates put their hands in the air.

"It was her!" Santana heard a man shout from the bar. She turned her head and saw the bartender standing in the doorway, pointing at her. One officer quickly approached her while another kept his gun trained on her.

"You're under arrest", the approaching officer told Santana. "Anything you say can be used against you in a court of law." He slapped a pair of handcuffs onto her wrists, ushered her into the back of a cruiser, and sped off.


	15. Chapter 15

This is where the plot thickens. I'll post another chapter as soon as I can, probably in a few days. As always, I thank you for all of the feedback, and I hope you are enjoying the story.

Chapter 15

Santana was sitting in a cell at the East Side precinct near downtown Columbus. She had been there for almost an hour. She was thinking about how to explain this whole situation to Quinn, when she heard footsteps approaching and a familiar voice.

"Lopez."

Santana looked up and saw Lieutenant Stofer standing outside of her cell.

"Sir?" Santana said in surprise and stood up.

Stofer smiled. "Call me Ben. You're a civilian now."

Santana exhaled. "Ben. What are you doing here? How did you find me?"

"I got a call from Johnson", Stofer said. "He told me you took out some civilian down at Daniel's."

Santana hung her head. "Yeah, I did. I mean, he was out of line, but yeah, I…I went… overboard."

"It sounds like it. The cops here tell me you damn near killed him. He's in the hospital right now."

"Christ", Santana said and closed her eyes.

Stofer looked at Santana for a moment and then cleared his throat. "Lopez, I spoke to the sergeant here at the station. They're talking about pressing criminal charges."

"What!?" Santana said in disbelief. "W-w-what do you mean?"

"You really put a hurt on this guy. He might not make a full recovery", Stofer said. He paused, then continued. "You know what might happen if you go to court."

Santana felt the implication sink in. "No. No way. I'll say he came onto me and grabbed me. That's the truth."

"I'm sure it is, but it doesn't matter. If you go to court, your military background will be brought up. Your time in the Rangers will be examined, and once they find out about the training that you've had, there's a good chance they won't see your actions as self-defense."

Santana cursed. She knew that Stofer was right. With her tenure as a leader in an elite special operations unit in the United States Army, the jury would probably view her as a cold-blooded killer who assaulted a poor college boy just trying to have a good time at a bar.

"Lopez, the army has been making calls for the past hour, ever since I got the call from Johnson. I've run your situation up through JSOC, and they have a plan. If you come back to the Rangers, any and all civilian charges will be dropped. You will fall under military jurisdiction, and I will see to it that no charges are filed against you."

Santana stared at him. This was an out. She could save herself if she came back to the army.

"Lopez", Stofer continued, "You know I want you back, but I'm not going to force your hand. It's up to you. You can remain a civilian, probably go to trial, and you may or may not beat the charges. Or, you can come back to the Rangers, avoid any charges, and pick up where you left off with us, leading Alpha Team."

Santana looked at the ground, and then looked back at Stofer. "Thanks, Lieutenant. I'll have to think about it and run it by my wife."

"Ben", Stofer reminded her. "In the meantime, I posted your bail when I came in. You'll be free to go as soon as it gets processed, maybe 30 minutes. And you don't owe me for it. You saved my life once. I'm just paying it back." He looked at Santana one last time. "Lopez, you're the best Alpha Team leader I've ever commanded. I want you back. But it's up to you. Let me know ASAP."

"Thank you, Ben."

Stofer nodded his head and then turned to leave. He took three steps and then stopped and turned back. "Lopez?"

"Yeah, Ben?"

"Just one more thought", Stofer said. He looked at Santana for a moment and then said, "Once a Ranger, always a Ranger." He nodded at Santana and then turned around and walked out.


	16. Chapter 16

I powered through and polished up one more chapter. This one is a doozy. I will try to upload another chapter in the next few days.

Chapter 16

Quinn was dozing on the couch, her book lying on her chest. She wasn't really forcing herself to wait up for Santana, but she had hoped to see her for a bit when she came home, partly because she wanted to know that Santana wasn't out all night, but mostly because she wanted to be the last person to interact with Santana before Santana went to sleep. It sounds a little possessive, but given how things are right now, I think it's understandable, Quinn justified to herself. She looked at the clock on the wall. It was 12:30am. Santana had left around 9pm. She hadn't given a time when she should be back, but Quinn thought she would have been home by now. Oh well, I'm sure it's no big deal, Quinn thought. She just lost track of time, catching up with her former teammates who she hasn't seen in a while.

Quinn put her book on the end table next to the couch and stood up. She was heading for the bathroom to start her nightly bedtime ritual when her cell rang. She looked to see who was calling so late. It was Santana.

"Hi hon", Quinn answered.

"Quinn", Santana voice came.

"San?" Quinn paused. Santana's voice sounded…different. Something was wrong. "What's going on? Is everything alright?"

"We need to talk", Santana said. "I'll be home in 15 minutes."

"San, where are you? What's going o-" Quinn was about to ask, but the line went dead. Quinn pulled her phone from her ear and stared at it, not knowing what to think.

Santana pulled into the driveway. She took a deep breath and exhaled. How she was going to explain to Quinn what happened tonight, she didn't know. She didn't even know where to start. Perhaps the best thing was to start from the beginning and tell it all. She felt panic come over her and forced it down, then got out of the car and walked towards the front door. She took another deep breath and then opened the door and walked inside.

Quinn was standing in the living room, pacing around the carpet. She heard the front door open and looked up. She saw Santana walk in and could instantly tell something was wrong. Santana was visibly shaken, and that was not something Quinn had seen very often. Santana slowly walked into the living room, and Quinn took a couple steps towards her.

"San…?" Quinn said. Santana stopped walking and just looked at her. "Hon…what happened?" Quinn took a couple more steps closer to Santana. She was about to give Santana a hug when she noticed the dark stains covering Santana's black shirt. It looked like…

"San…what happ-…is that…? Quinn trailed off.

"I got into a fight", Santana said. Her voice was deadpan.

"W-what do you mean, you got into a fight?"

"I got into a fight. We were at the bar…and I…" Santana let it hang.

Quinn stared at her, confused and scared…"What happened, San"? she asked.

"I fucked this guy up, Quinn!" Santana suddenly yelled, and Quinn stepped back, shocked. "He came onto me. He was calling me perverted names, being a scumbag. He grabbed my hand and put it on his cock, and then he reached for my breasts, and I fucked him up! I broke his wrist, broke his nose, broke some of his other shit, and then I threw him onto a table so hard that it broke, and he went down onto the floor!"

Quinn stood there, mouth open. "Oh my God…" she said. "Are you okay?"

Santana paused for a moment. "I'm fine. But that guy is not." Santana's voice had returned to a deadpan tone.

"Well, I'm glad you're okay." Quinn went to touch Santana's arm, but Santana pulled away. Quinn stared at her. "San? Please, let me touch you…"

"No", Santana said. She was shaken with revulsion over what she had done and didn't want her wife touching her.

Quinn stared at her, and then said, "Is the other guy, like…aliv-?"

"I went to jail", Santana interrupted her.

Quinn stopped and stared. "W-wait, what?" she said.

"I went to jail", Santana said, her voice still deadpan. "After the fight, the bouncers kicked us out of the bar. I was saying goodbye to the guys in the parking lot, and I was going to come home, when the cops showed up. The bartender pointed at me, and the cops took me away in handcuffs, down to the station".

Quinn stood there, speechless. Santana's deadpan voice and sudden burst of yelling were scaring her. Santana took a deep breath and then said, "The guy is in the hospital." Quinn continued to stare, mouth open as Santana continued. "I could be facing charges." She looked at Quinn, paused for a moment, and then swallowed hard. "If I am convicted, I could face prison time."

Quinn's mouth opened and she breathed out, "Oh my God", she said, trying to process what she was hearing. Her wife…hanging out with her army friends…a fight…someone beaten so badly he is in the hospital…her wife facing charges…possibly going to prison…. "Oh my God", she said again.

Now, Santana thought, comes the hard part. Just steel yourself, she thought, and relay the information, just like you would in a post-mission briefing. Santana took a deep breath again and then looked straight into her wife's eyes and said, "Lieutenant Stofer came to visit me in jail".

Quinn looked at her wife silently for a second, and then gasped. Even though she didn't know who Lieutenant Stofer was, and even though she hadn't heard what was coming next, her stomach clenched at what she instinctively knew would come out of Santana's mouth.

"He offered me my position back in the Rangers", Santana said. "He said if I enlist again I can avoid any charges." When Quinn didn't say anything, Santana continued on. "He said that I would fall under military jurisdiction, and that he would make sure that no charges get filed." Quinn remained silent, so Santana kept on. "No charges. No trial. No prison."

Quinn opened her mouth, blinked twice, and tried to speak. Her voice was hoarse, but she got out the word. "No."

"What?"

"No. I don't want you going back", Quinn said.

"Quinn – did you hear me? I could be facing prison time if I don't return to the Rangers."

"No", Quinn said again. "No. You are done with that. I don't want you to go back." Quinn looked around, her mind racing. "We can beat the charges, whatever charges come up. Th-there has to be another way", she stammered.

"There isn't", Santana muttered, and then, almost under her breath, said, "Plus, I don't think I belong in this world."

Quinn looked at her wife and said, "What did you just say?"

"I said, there is no other way."

"No, not that. After that. What did you just say right after that?"

Santana looked at Quinn. She didn't think Quinn had heard what she had said under her breath, but Quinn had. Santana thought about saying, "Nothing – I didn't say anything", but she had said something, and Quinn had heard it. It was an important something, a pivotal something, and it needed to be said again. Tell it all, Santana reminded herself. She exhaled and said, "I don't think I belong in this world."

Quinn looked at her wife in disbelief. She took a step closer to Santana and said, "San, w-what are you saying?"

"I don't belong in this world, Q".

"What do you mean, 'this world'?"

"This world", Santana said and spread her arms and looked around. "This civilian world. Your nice, peaceful, civilian world." Santana's voice started to rise, and she looked at her wife. "It's like, I'm lost in this world, and this world doesn't want me in it, either."

"Oh my God", Quinn said again, and looked down. Tears started to form in her eyes. "San, what are you saying? You're acting like nobody wants you here. How can you think that?"

"Let's be honest, Quinn. People don't understand me here."

"No, that's not true", Quinn said, and reached out to touch her wife's arm. This time Santana did not pull away. "We understand you. Your family understands you."

"Look at me", Santana said. "I don't belong here", she said, her voice growing with conviction. "I can't decide on a job. I've got no direction in my life. I can't agree with civilians. I'm getting into arguments. I'm getting into fights. I'm putting people in the God damn hospital. I'm facing criminal charges and possible prison time. Does that sound like somebody who belongs in this world?" Santana steamrolled on. "It's like, I'm a fucking animal, a guard dog, and people don't want the animals that protect them running around the house, do they?"

"Animal!? Hon – you're not an animal. That's the army. The army teaches that behavior. They encourage it. That's all this is. You get away from the army, you'll get away from that. This will all go away", Quinn said. When Santana didn't say anything, Quinn continued. "That's it." She paused as if to think and confirm, and then said, "That _is_ it. It's the army, and it's those guys you hang out with. Well, I don't want you to ever hang around them anymore, and for God's sakes you are not going back."

Santana looked at her wife. "The army gave me a place where I felt like I belonged. I had a purpose. I was doing something important. I _was_ somebody important. I understood that world, and that world understood me." She stared at Quinn for a second and then said, "Quinn - I belong back in the Rangers".

"Santana, stop. You're being impulsive right now", Quinn said. She knew her wife was impulsive, and even Santana knew that about herself. Just remind her of that, Quinn thought, and she'll calm down and start thinking rationally. "You're just saying that as a knee-jerk reaction to what happened tonight."

"It's not a knee-jerk reaction to what's happened tonight. It's the truth, and it's been the truth since I've been back." Santana said with conviction.

Quinn looked at her wife, and then a thought crossed her mind. Her eyes narrowed, and she looked at Santana. A feeling of anger was starting to creep in, along with the empathy and disbelief. This was going to be a tough question, but Quinn needed to ask it. She took her hand off of Santana's arm and stepped back. She looked her wife right in the eye and said, "Wait - do you want to go back to the army just to avoid charges and prison", Quinn's voice started to break up, "or is the real reason you want to go back because you truly feel like you belong there more than you belong here?"

Santana stared at Quinn, surprised at the stark directness of Quinn's question. Quinn had never been one for confrontation, but now she was staring Santana dead in the eye and asking her a direct question. Santana had been wavering on this issue since she gotten back from her last mission, and now Quinn wanted an answer. "I-I-I don't know", Santana said.

"You-don't-know." Quinn spaced out the words. She looked down and felt the tears fall from her eyes. She couldn't believe Santana had just said that. How could her wife even think about choosing the army over her family? The army didn't care if Santana lived or died. They get new soldiers all the time. If something happened to Santana, Jenna and Quinn would be the ones left with nothing. How could Santana not understand that? Quinn was shocked and hurt beyond belief. But, mixed in with those feelings was a feeling of anger. Anger at being left alone for the better part of three years. Anger at having her wife come back, only to have her wife tell her that she didn't want to be back, after she had promised never to leave again. Quinn looked up at Santana, and without really thinking about what she was saying, started to speak. "Let me tell you what-I-know. We are your family. Me and Jenna. I need my wife here. Jenna needs her Mama here." Santana just stood there, so Quinn continued. "You said you would never go back. You promised me the night you got home for good that you would never go back."

"I know", Santana said. "I know I said that, but that was before I realized I wasn't meant for civilian life."

"So you're going to go back to a job where you have to leave your wife and daughter _again? _" Santana didn't say anything, so Quinn rolled on. "You have missed so much of my life in the last three years. You have missed almost _all _of your daughter's entire life, and she's not getting any younger. You're not gonna be able to turn back the clock. You told your daughter you would teach her how to dance, and instead, you'd rather go back to a job where you have to lie to her about what you do? Sooner or later, she's going to learn the truth about what your job is, and then what? You're going to tell her you skipped out on teaching her how to dance so you could go shoot people?" Quinn's voice had taken on an edge.

Santana took a step back. She looked at Quinn and scoffed. "You think it was so easy for me just to leave? You act like every time I left, I didn't think twice about leaving you and Jenna. Well guess what, Quinn? This may come as a newsflash to you, but it was hard for me too."

"Hard?" Quinn's voice rose, incredulous. "You want to know what's hard? Saying goodbye to your wife and not knowing if she is going to come back. Telling your daughter you don't know when her Mama is coming back, when what you _really _mean is that you don't know _if _her Mama is coming back. Staring at your phone, waiting for that phone call, the one that informs you that your wife, the mother of your daughter, has been killed in action. Watching the daughter that you and your absent wife are supposed to be raising together sit by the front window and stare out of it, waiting for her Mama to come home. _That's_ what hard is."

"Yes. I get that that must have been incredibly hard on you, and on Jenna. But let me tell you something. You act like I don't care about this family, but you're wrong. I do. Everything I've done is for this family. I joined the fucking army for this family. I went through hell to become a Ranger for this family. So don't make it sound like I don't give a fuck about this family, because I do." Santana's voice had started to rise, and she was seething through her teeth.

"I know you joined the army for this family. I know that", Quinn said with a look of sincerity. "But, if you go back now, it won't be for this family. It'll be for you. It'll be for you, because you want to be a Ranger, and because you choose being a Ranger over being with your wife and daughter."

"Did you hear what I said earlier? I'm facing possible charges. Criminal assault charges. Possible prison time. Do you want me locked up, in a prison? If I rejoin the army, those charges go away."

"If you rejoin the army you'll still be in a prison! As far as I'm concerned it's like you're in prison, because you're away from us! From me and Jenna!" Quinn shouted. She paused for a moment, collected herself, and continued. "If you stay out, we'll find a way. If you get charged, we can hire the best lawyers. We can keep you out. We'll find a way, and we'll find a way together. We will be together." Quinn's eyes bored into Santana with the frankest look Santana had ever seen, and then Quinn delivered the bottom line in a steady voice. "Santana, we are not a family if you are not around. We're not living life together." She paused, and then delivered the kicker. "And I don't want to live like that anymore."

Santana stared at her wife for a moment and then said, "I-I-I don't know what to say". So many emotions were running through her right now. She was shaken. She was scared. She loved her family, but she hated feeling lost. She was so afraid of herself from what she had done earlier. I'm an animal, she thought. I'm an animal that belongs on a leash, only to be let off when it's time to attack. There's no place for someone like that in civilian society, she thought. She looked at Quinn, who was resolute in what she wanted, solid as a granite statue, and it highlighted Santana's current state of emotional disarray and made her feel even more lost and confuse. "I need more time to think".

"No, no more time", Quinn said, crossing her hands in front of her. "You need to make a decision, right now, if you're going to stay with us and be a part of this family, if you're going away again."

"Q", Santana said, in the calmest voice she could muster. "If I rejoin the army, I'm still going to be around sometimes. I'm still going to come home from assignments. I'll still visit you and Jenna. I can still be a part of your lives, a part of this famil-"

"No", Quinn said, absolute conviction in her voice. "No more 'coming home to visit'." Quinn used finger quotes." I won't spend another day wondering where you are or if you're still alive. You're either here, in this family, or you're not."

"Are you strong-arming me, Quinn?" Santana looked at her wife and an icy anger started to boil deep in her eyes. "You said you'd be there for me. You said you'd be there for me, to give me whatever support I needed."

"You're right, I did say that, and I stand by that, as long as you are staying home. I'm not supporting your going back to the army." Quinn stayed firm, the tears still falling, but her voice and body steady.

Santana looked at her wife, and then smiled slightly and shook her head. "You know, you just don't get it, do you, Quinn? It's like, here you are, little miss perfect, and you've always had a perfect little life. Smart, beautiful, rich. Always been number one. Always had things handed to you. Everything came easy. Well, you know what? Some of us have actually had to work for what we've gotten. And when we work for what we get, we're proud of what we accomplish. I've accomplished a lot, and I'm fucking proud of it. I'm somebody in the army. I worked my ass off to get there, and I'm fucking recognized for that work. I'm needed there."

"You are needed by us!" Quinn's raised her voice again. She didn't like confrontation, and she didn't like to yell, but she had so many things she wanted to say to her wife, and she just couldn't control herself any longer, and it all came rushing out. "You are needed by me! By Jenna! We are your family! You _are_ somebody to us! Why can't you see that, Santana? Why can't you see how much we need you, how much we want you here, how much we _love_ you?" Santana just stared at her, so Quinn rolled on. "I don't know what it is about this fucking army that has such a hold over you, but it's almost like you'd rather be a hero to everyone else but your own family. Jenna and I should be the only people you need to be heroes to."

"The army gives me purpose!" Santana shouted. "I've been fucking lost since I got back. I don't know what I'm doing or where I'm going with my life, and you know what? I've been back for over a month, and I'm still as confused as the day I got back. And I don't want to go through the rest of my life fucking lost and confused!"

"So you're telling me that you'd rather have us lost, then? Me and Jenna. Your family. You'd rather have us lost, living life without you?" Quinn stared hard at her wife. "Look, I don't know why you feel so lost or confused, but you _do_ have a purpose. You're my wife and Jenna's Mama. You are our family. Isn't that purpose enough?" Quinn looked at her wife with pleading eyes. "Isn't being the most important person, to the people who love you the most, purpose enough? Or is having a purpose in the army more important?"

Santana looked at her wife. I should tell her, she thought. I should tell her that I love her, and that I love Jenna. It's the truth. But something in Santana had snapped. She felt like Quinn had backed her into a corner, and a deep-seeded reflex that went way beyond stubborn made her stand her ground. Just like with the asshole at the party, and the douchebag she had just sent to the hospital, something in her made her keep going, and she couldn't back down. She looked at Quinn, shook her head slightly and sneered. "You know, Quinn? I think I get it. I'm starting to see it. You don't really care about what I want, or how I feel, or what's important to me. You just care about what you want."

Quinn glared at her wife. Anger shot through her veins. She bared her teeth and said, "I can't believe you just said that. And you know what? I can't believe you would rather go fight and die in some war and leave me without my wife and Jenna without her Mama, then be here with us and be a family! I don't understand that at all." Santana stared at Quinn, so Quinn shot one more time. "You're worse than my parents".

"Don't you _ever_ fucking compare me to your parents." Santana took a step towards Quinn and stuck her finger in Quinn's face. "You think I care that little about you and Jenna?!"

Quinn stood her ground. She stared at Santana for a moment and then said, "I don't know", in the flattest tone of voice Santana had ever heard her use. "Do you?"

Santana's mouth dropped open and she looked at Quinn in unbelievable hurt. "I-I-I can't believe you just said that."

Quinn looked at Santana. Tears streaked Quinn's face, and her eyes were red, but her voice was clear. "If you care about this family, then prove it. Right here and right now. You make the commitment to stay right now, and I will give you all of the love and support you need, and we can find a way together to work things out and get through anything we need to get through." Quinn wanted so badly at that moment to touch her wife, to pull Santana in and hug her forever, but she was at the end of her rope. She needed Santana to make the commitment first. Right now, I need that more than I need to feel her touch, Quinn thought, even if I never touch her again.

Santana stood there staring at her wife. Her mouth was still open and she reached for Quinn. Quinn backed up a step and put her hand up to stop her.

"Make the commitment", Quinn said. She kept her hand up.

Santana stood still for a moment longer. She looked down, took a very deep breath, exhaled, and then looked up. When she did, tears had formed in her eyes. "I need to think about it", she said.

Quinn's mouth fell open a bit, and she felt another wave of tears of her own coming on. She held them at bay, stood there for a second, and then said the words. "Then I need you to think somewhere else."

Santana gasped. "Q-", she said, and reached for her wife. Quinn stepped back.

"I need space until you make your commitment."

"Q-" Santana began again.

"No", was all Quinn said. She stared at Santana for what felt like an eternity, and then said, "You need to go. You can call me tomorrow to arrange a time to see Jenna. I will tell her you are working, or looking for jobs, or schools, or going on a short trip to see Auntie Rachel. I will cover for you so she doesn't know what's happening." Quinn looked down again and then looked up. "But I do not want you here until you've made the commitment to be a part of this family."

"Q-" Santana said for the third time.

"Go", was all Quinn said.

Santana stared at her wife's tear-streaked face. She wanted so badly to hug her wife and to hold her forever, but every fiber of Quinn's being was telling Santana to either make the commitment now or leave. Santana stared at her wife for a few seconds longer, then she sighed, turned around and walked out of the house. She got into her car and drove for ten minutes, then pulled over to the side of the road. She turned off the engine, put her head in her hands and cried.

Inside the house, Quinn stood there for ten minutes after Santana left, speechless and in shock. Then, she walked to their bedroom, curled up onto Santana's side of the bed and cried.


	17. Chapter 17

Thank you all for reading and for the feedback. I realize the previous chapter may have been hard to read, but every good story needs conflict. Here's another chapter. I hope you are still enjoying the story.

Chapter 17

"Mommy, Mommy, wake up!"

Quinn opened her eyes and rolled over to see Jenna standing next to the bed. Quinn was still curled up on Santana's side of the bed on top of the sheets, right where she had laid down after the argument and cried herself to sleep. She had woken up a bunch of times during the night and felt like she hadn't slept at all.

"Good morning, Bunny" Quinn said. She did her best to smile at her daughter. She rubbed her eyes and looked at the clock on the bed stand. It read 8:15am. Shit! She had overslept, and Jenna was late for school. She looked at her daughter and said, "We have to get you to school. We're late!" as cheerfully as she could.

"Mommy, where is Mama?" Jenna asked.

Quinn tried to think quickly. "Mama is…Mama is out looking at schools for herself right now. She'll be back later, Bunny." Jenna's mention of her Mama brought back the events from last night, and Quinn felt sick to her stomach. Her mind was spinning with a million thoughts, but she couldn't process any of them. I just need to think, Quinn thought. I need to drop Jenna off at school, and then I need to come home and think. She got out of bed and walked Jenna to the kitchen. She made a quick call to the school to let them know that Jenna was running late and then toasted a piece of bread for Jenna's breakfast while she packed Jenna's lunch box. She grabbed her purse and checked her phone. Nothing from Santana. She felt tears starting to well up in her eyes, and she forced them back. She put on the best smile she could, said, "Come on, Bunny, let's get you to school", took Jenna by the hand, and off they went.

Quinn dropped Jenna off at school and came right back home. She headed into the bathroom and drew herself a hot bath. She took off her clothes, and it occurred to her that, to drop Jenna off at school, she had actually gone out in public without a shower and in the clothes she had worn the day before. She couldn't recall the last time she had done that. She got into the tub, tilted her head back, closed her eyes and thought.

Last night had been a completely unforseen nightmare, to say the least. Quinn had gathered that Santana was having some challenges adjusting to life back at home, but she never would have thought that last night would have ended with a blowout argument and Santana leaving. Quinn was still in shock. How could Santana choose the army over her own family? That was something Quinn couldn't even begin to fathom. Quinn tried to replay the conversation from last night, to make sense of how it had gone from Santana telling her about getting into a fight to Quinn delivering an ultimatum and Santana turning around and leaving. Thinking about the way things had gone made Quinn's eyes filled up with tears, and she started sobbing. Her stomach started to wretch, and she jumped out of the tub, put her head over the toilet, and let it go.

Quinn got out of the bath an hour later. She still felt horrible, both physically and emotionally. She made a cup of coffee and sat down at the kitchen table to think. She didn't know what to do. She had no idea where Santana was. Part of her wanted to call her wife to tell her how much she loved her, how much she wanted her to come home no matter what, say how sorry she was for her part in the blowout, and have Santana come home so she could hold her in her arms forever. But, a part of her wanted Santana to make the call to her, to tell Quinn how sorry she was, how she was a fool for even considering the military over her family, to come home and make the commitment to never leave again. Quinn thought about what she wanted more, and she settled on the latter. She needed Santana to make the next move. Quinn had laid everything out on the line – how she felt and what she wanted. Now it was up to Santana to respond. Part of her thought that maybe this was all a bad dream, that she would wake up any minute now and find herself nestled in Santana's arms. She would wake her wife with kisses, tell her what a horrible nightmare she had, and she would burrow into her while Santana kissed her back and stroked her hair and told her that everything was okay and that is was all just a bad dream.

Quinn got up and looked at her phone again. Still nothing from Santana. Her heart ached again, and she put down the phone. Then she picked it up and dialed.

"Hey Quinn!" came Mercedes' cheerful voice. Quinn started to speak but choked up, and tears started falling out of her eyes. "Quinn? Are you there?"

"She left!" Quinn managed to get out.

"Quinn? Wait, what?" Mercedes asked. "Who left? Quinn, what's going on?"

"Santana left", Quinn gasped and started to sob.

Mercedes paused and then said, "Wait, what?" Another pause, and then, "Oh my God. Quinn, what happened?"

"She told me she wanted to be in the army more than she wanted to be with her own family", Quinn said, still sobbing.

"What!?" Mercedes said, incredulous. "Okay, okay, just calm down, and tell me what happened", Mercedes said in a comforting voice.

Quinn sobbed for another minute, and then told Mercedes all about the events of last night – Santana getting a phone call from her former Ranger team mates, meeting them for a drink at a bar, getting into a fight, putting some guy in the hospital, being arrested, Santana's former commanding officer visiting her in jail and giving her an offer to rejoin the Rangers, and then the entire argument that ensued when Santana came home to talk with Quinn. Mercedes listened and let Quinn talk it out like a good friend, and then offered her condolences.

"Quinn, I'm so sorry to hear about all of this. I mean, I knew from our talks that Santana was having trouble adjusting to being back home, but I never would have guessed that this would have happened."

"I know", Quinn said. She had stopped sobbing but her voice remained sad. "I just don't know what to do."

Mercedes sighed. It pained her to know her friend was hurting so bad. She thought for a moment and then said, "You know, Quinn, I feel your pain, but unfortunately there's really nothing you _can_ do. I mean, you let Santana know exactly how you feel and what you want, and now it's up to her to make a decision."

"I know", Quinn said again. "I just…I just can't believe that this is happening. I mean, is there a way I should have seen this coming? Did she never intend to stay home? Did she always want to be back in the army?" Quinn started sobbing again.

"Look, Quinn, there's no way you could have seen this coming", Mercedes said. "I mean, again, there were signs that Santana was having trouble adjusting to life back home, but no, there's no way you could have seen this coming." Then Mercedes said, "And Quinn – this is not your fault, if that's even a thought that has crossed your mind."

Quinn sniffled. "Thanks, Mercedes. I don't know. I just feel like there is something more I could have done to make her not want to leave. I mean, she promised to never leave, and now she's leaving, again."

"No, there's nothing more you could have done," Mercedes confirmed. She paused for a second and then said, "You know, Quinn, one more thought. Just because shit went down last night, it doesn't mean that Santana doesn't still love you. In fact, it doesn't mean that she loves you any less than she did 24 hours ago. It's just that, Santana is Santana, and she's gonna do what she's gonna do. I mean, I know it's tough, what you're going through right now, not understanding what's going through her head and all, but she can't make you understand how she thinks and feels any more than you can make her understand how you feel, you know what I mean?"

"I guess so", Quinn said. "I don't know…" she trailed off.

Mercedes was silent for a second and then asked, "So, what's the next step?"

"I told Santana to call me today so we could arrange a time for her to see Jenna."

"How is Jenna taking it? Does she know?"

"No, she doesn't know. I can't even deal with thinking about how to explain this to her."

"Well, you can probably hold off on that for now. First step would be to talk with Santana when she calls." Mercedes paused, then asked, "Can I offer a suggestion?"

"Of course".

"Tell her you love her. Tell her you love her and that you understand that she needs to do what she needs to do, even if you don't understand why she wants to do it. It will mean a lot to her, to know that you still love her and that you respect the fact that she can make her own choice, even if you don't understand or agree with that choice." When Quinn didn't say anything, Mercedes said, "Remember, you promised to work together with her, to be there for her. I know you probably didn't ever anticipate this happening, but you can still be there for her, in as much as you can be. It may be that Santana ends up going back to the army, but you can be there for her in the sense that you let her know that you love her and respect her right to make her own choice."

"I don't know…", Quinn said.

"Look, I know it will be tough, but I bet that will go a long way towards making things as best as can be, whatever the outcome of this situation may be."

"Yeah, I guess so", Quinn said, uncertain but too emotionally worn out to say anything else.

"You hang in there, okay?" Mercedes said, the concern in her voice apparent.

Quinn exhaled deeply and said, "Well, I guess I'll just wait for her to call. Thanks, Mercedes. For everything".

"No problem Quinn. Call me anytime. And I hope things work out."

"Bye Mercedes."

"Bye Quinn."

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

Quinn was sitting on the living room couch, thinking about her situation with Santana, when her phone buzzed. It was a message from Santana. Quinn's heart lurched, and she stared at her phone for a second, and then looked at the message.

_Q- I needed to get away to think. I will be back in a day or two. Will call you when I get back to set up time to see Jenna. Please tell her I love her. And I love you. - S_

Quinn read the text over and over again, absorbing and thinking about every word. Santana was supposed to call today to set up a time to see Jenna. Now she needs more time. Where is she? Why does she need more time? I guess only Santana knows the answer to that, Quinn thought. Now I will have to think of an excuse to tell Jenna when she asks where her Mama is. Santana said that she loves Jenna. I never doubted that, Quinn thought, even though I still don't understand how she thinks there can even be a choice between family and anything else. I would never even think about choosing anything over my family. And then lastly, Quinn read again, _And I love you_. Quinn's eyes teared up again, and she closed them and wept. This whole situation was so heartbreaking, she thought. She was confused. She was angry. She was incredulous. So many emotions were running through her right now. A part of her wanted to tell Santana that she never wanted to see her again, to have Santana leave her life and be gone forever, but she couldn't. She loved her wife with all her heart. There was no one like Santana. She was beautiful. She was smart. She was impulsive and wild, reckless and passionate. It was Santana's passion that attracted Quinn to her in the first place and made Quinn look at her as more than just the friends that they had been for so long. It was Santana's passion that made Quinn decide to finally spend the night with her all of those years ago at Mr. Schue's botched wedding. It was Santana's passion that made Quinn discover something new each time she looked at her. And, despite all of the trouble that had come along with that passion, Quinn loved her wife. For better or for worse, for some reason she couldn't explain, she was drawn to Santana's passion and couldn't imagine a life with anyone else. Quinn looked at the text one more time, then held the phone close to her heart and cried.

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

Santana woke with a start. She looked around, and it took her a few moments to remember that she was not at home. She looked at the clock on the bed stand. 6pm. She laid back down and thought about the last 16 hours. After she had left the house, she had driven around aimlessly for about ten minutes, and then she had pulled over to the side of the road and cried. She felt horrible. Seeing Quinn's face streaked with tears, tears that Santana has caused, had made her feel like the worst person in the world. Why couldn't I just say it, Santana had asked herself? Why couldn't I just make the commitment and stay home, and we could be a normal family? It killed Santana that she couldn't have just said the words that Quinn wanted to hear, but it killed her that she didn't know why. I need time to think, Santana had thought. I need time to figure things out.

After crying on the side of the road, Santana had started up her car again and put it into drive. She had pulled back onto the road, and almost automatically, her strategic mind, the one that had served her so well in the army, had gone to work. She needed a place to go where she could think, someplace comforting and familiar, but where she could be alone. Her strategic mind took over, and without knowing what she was doing, she was heading to New York. She gunned the Mustang, pushing triple digits as she alternated between thinking about her present situation and losing herself in the drive. She had pulled into New York around three in the afternoon and checked into a hotel room. She sat down on the bed and took out her phone. She looked at it for a few seconds and then sent a text to Quinn. Then she had laid down on the bed and closed her eyes.

Santana got up and went into the bathroom. She looked in the mirror and noticed that she was still in the same tank top that she had been wearing since she left for the bar last night. The blood from the bro's nose had dried and crusted. She stripped off her shirt and washed it in the sink, then dried it with the hair dryer. She splashed some cold water on her face and looked at herself in the mirror. What am I doing? She thought. Why can't I be a normal person? Why can't I just do the normal thing? Why can't I just tell my wife that I'll stay with her forever? What kind of person would rather get shot at than stay home and be with her family? Maybe I don't deserve them, Santana thought. I love my wife, and I love my daughter, but maybe they shouldn't love me. I've given them no reason to. Maybe they're better off without me. I just don't know anymore, Santana thought, and looked at herself in the mirror again. Who they hell are you? she asked the person staring back at her. She turned the light off, walked out and sat down on the bed. What do I do now? she thought. She sat for a moment, trying to think about the best course of action, and then a random thought entered her brain. She picked up the hotel phone and dialed.

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0

Quinn and Jenna were having dinner. It was the first time since Santana had come home that the three of them had not eaten dinner together, besides the date that Santana had taken Quinn on the week after she got back. Quinn hadn't eaten all day. She still wasn't hungry but was trying to put something in her stomach. Jenna looked up at her.

"Mommy?"

"Yes, Bunny?"

"Where is Mama?"

Quinn put down her fork. She felt tears start to well up in her eyes, and she held them at bay. "Mama is…well, Mama had to take a short trip to…to look at dancing schools."

"Oh", Jenna said. "Okay." She looked at Quinn. "I wanna learn how to dance. Mama will teach me", she said and smiled.

"Y-yes, Bunny. Mama will teach you." Quinn smiled at her daughter and then looked down at her food.

Jenna was silent for a minute and then said, "Mommy?"

"Yes, Bunny?"

"Are you sad?" She stared at her Mommy with big eyes.

Quinn paused for a second and then said, "No, Bunny. I'm not sad. W-why do you ask?"

"Because you look sad, Mommy."

"I-I-I…I'm fine, Bunny", Quinn said. "I just miss Mama".

"I miss Mama too", Jenna said, and smiled.

Quinn smiled back as best she could at her daughter and fought to hold back the tears that were pushing at the floodgates.

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

"Hey, can I get an autograph?"

"Santana!?" Rachel Berry screamed. She ran up to Santana and gave her a big hug. "Oh my God! What are you doing here?" she said, completely surprised at seeing her oft-time nemesis and now friend.

After waking up in the hotel room and splashing water on her face, Santana had remembered that Rachel had a show that was currently running on Broadway. She called the hotel concierge to find out where Rachel was performing and got a ticket for the 8pm showing. Santana didn't exactly know why she had gone to see Rachel perform, but she thought for some reason that maybe it would be nice to give the brain a break and see someone she knew do something that she liked. She also knew she could use a talk, and for some reason she thought that Rachel may be a good person to talk with. She sat through the show and thought more than once, "God, I miss dancing." When the show was over, she made her way to the back stage area, charmed her way past security and found Rachel's dressing room.

"You know, I, uh, was just passing through town, and I…I figured I'd try to catch your show."

"Awesome! I'm so glad you did!" Rachel gushed. "Hey - how's Jenna? How's Quinn?"

"Jenna's great, she's great…" Santana trailed off.

Rachel's smile faded a bit. "How's Quinn?"

"Huh?"

"I asked you how Quinn was. You told me that Jenna's great, but you didn't say how Quinn was."

"Um, yeah..."

"Santana, what's going on?" Rachel asked, concern creeping into her voice.

"Well, that's actually the reason I came to see you", Santana said, and then took a deep breath. "I mean, the performance was great, but…well, Quinn and I are having problems, and um…I could really use a talk right now."

"Really? A talk...with me?" Rachel's eyes opened with a mixture of surprise and flattery. "Wait…did you drive from Columbus just to see me?"

"No, Berry, don't flatter yourself." Santana automatically went to her cutting sarcasm and then stopped herself. "I just…I just started driving around last night because I needed to think and… and…well, you know, I know you and I don't talk like everyday or anything, but Quinn has told me that you think of me as a good friend, or at least a better friend than-" Santana was going to say "I think of you as" but realized that may be taken as an insult, so she stopped herself just short of finishing her thought.

"Santana? Go on…"

"No, look, it's alright. I mean, if you're busy or whatever…"

Rachel realized what Santana was going to say, and as insulting as that could be taken, Rachel knew that Santana was Santana, and that half of Santana being Santana was Santana not admitting that she cared about or liked something as much as she really did. "Hey – stop it. I'm not too busy…for a good friend." She reached out and gently touched Santana's arm. Santana smiled weakly. "Just give me a few minutes to finish up here. By the way, I'm starving. Wanna go eat?"

An hour later Santana and Rachel were seated across from each other at a diner that Rachel liked to go to.

"So, what's going on?" Rachel asked.

"I don't even know where to begin", Santana said.

"Start from the beginning", Rachel coaxed.

"Okay, uh, well, here goes…" Santana took a deep breath and started talking. She told Rachel everything. She hadn't spoken to Rachel much since she had joined the army. She told Rachel all about her experience as a Ranger, how she loved serving with the best of the best, how she came home for good over a month ago and had felt lost ever since, how she met her former compatriots for a drink, got into a fight, put some guy in the hospital, went to jail, was visited by her former commanding officer, and then had a massive blowout with Quinn.

"Wow", Rachel said. "So, you're really thinking about going back into the army?" I mean, what's compelling you?" When Rachel saw Santana's eyes narrow, she quickly followed up with, "I mean, I'm not judging you or anything. I'm just trying to understand what's so strong that would make you choose going back over being with your own family?"

"I don't know. I mean, it's like the only place I've felt like I really belong. It's like, without it, I've got no direction, no purpose", Santana said, dropping her shoulders, almost like admitting an addiction.

"When do you have to decide?"

"As soon as possible. Or at least, I should rejoin before I get served papers as a civilian for putting that guy in the hospital."

"Won't you miss Quinn and Jenna if you go back?" Rachel asked.

"Of course I will. I love them. I really do. It's just that, I feel like I need something more. For some reason, I just feel the need to do this, so I will have a purpose in my life, and it kills me that I feel that need as strong, or maybe stronger than staying at home with my wife and daughter. I mean, why can't I just naturally want to stay home with my family and have that be enough?" Santana shook her head and said, "You should have seen Quinn's face, when I told her I needed to think about making the commitment to stay home. She just looked so…devastated." Santana looked down. "I felt like the worst person in the world."

Rachel's eyes went sad as she thought about how Quinn must have looked, and she tried to be as understanding as possible towards Santana, whose perspective she couldn't' see. "Yet you still couldn't say it."

Santana looked kept her eyes down. "It's like, I'm so fucked up. Why can't I be normal, like everyone else?"

Rachel stared at Santana for a moment in silence and then said, "You know, feeling like you have a purpose in life is a great feeling. It's a wonderful feeling. I know that as well as anyone. My passion for performing gives me purpose. I've dedicated my entire life to performing, and I've done whatever I could to get to where I am today." Rachel paused for a moment, and then said, "But, Santana, nothing compares to family. I mean, that's a purpose, isn't it? Being the most important person to your family is a purpose - the most important purpose you can ever have."

"That's what Quinn said to me", Santana said as she looked at Rachel. Then her eyes narrowed. "Did you guys talk or something?"

"Really? She said that?" Rachel laughed slightly. "No, Santana, we didn't talk. But she's right. I mean think about it – the army can get more soldiers. Now, I'm not trying to minimize your contribution by saying that, but it's true. But Quinn only has one wife, the love of her life - you. And Jenna only has one Mama - you. They can't replace you if you're gone."

"I get that. I do. I tried to communicate that to Quinn, that I got that, when we were arguing, but for some reason…" Santana trailed off.

"What? For some reason…what?"

"I just couldn't get the words out." Santana said, and looked down again.

Rachel rolled her eyes. "Let me guess. Quinn actually raised her voice, which probably doesn't happen very often, you felt threatened, or cornered, or something, so you pushed back, put up a wall, and it prevented you from saying what you really should have said, because you were more concerned with not backing down."

"Yeah, maybe, something like that," Santana admitted.

Rachel looked around, as if formulating a thought, and then said, "Look, Santana, try to think of it this way. What if the situation was reversed? What if Quinn or Jenna were going off to someplace dangerous? How would that make you feel? I mean, you're a tough cookie, but I would think the stress and worry would be hard even for you to take."

"Yeah, it would be." Santana agreed.

"I mean, just imagine yourself, sitting by the phone or the kitchen window, wondering where Jenna or Quinn was, or if they were…you know…"

Rachel was going to say "alive". Santana got the point. "Yeah, Berry - I get it. That would be tough."

"So, you can see Quinn's side, right?"

"Yeah, I can. I just can't explain why I'm so drawn to being a Ranger", Santana said again. "I know this shouldn't even be a choice for me. I mean, choosing between family or choosing anything else, but again, it's like, it's just something I have to do."

"Santana, I have to admit, I don't get it myself, so you can see where Quinn would be devastated, right?"

Santana's eyes narrowed. "Are you siding with Quinn? " She looked down. "Jesus, how come everyone always sides with her?"

"Probably for the same reason you married her. Because she's awesome." Rachel smiled a bit, to show Santana she was trying to lighten the mood a bit. "I mean, she is awesome, right?"

Santana sighed. "Yes, of course she is. I mean, no one thinks she's more awesome than I do".

"Right", Rachel said, having proved her point, and then she said, "And I'm not siding with her, Santana. I just happen to agree with her on this one." Santana rolled her eyes, so Rachel continued. "Hey - you wanted a talk, and I'm just giving you my honest opinion."

"I know", Santana sighed, then said, "thanks."

"Well, like I said, this decision is one that only you can make." Rachel paused for a moment, then looked at Santana and said, "Please, just don't make a rash decision."

"I won't", Santana said. "Look, I know I'm impulsive. But that's why I'm here. I'm taking some time to drive around, by myself, so I can think and figure things out, so I make the right decision."

"Look, I'm sure you'll make the right decision." Rachel looked at Santana and smiled. "But, just one more thought. I kind of hate to say something like this, but think of it this way: if something horrible were to happen to either Quinn or Jenna, where would you rather be – fighting a war halfway around the world, or right there, by their side, with them?

Santana stared at the table, not saying anything. Then she looked up and said "If you were in my situation, and the choice was on you to make, that you had to give up singing and performing, would you?"

Rachel looked Santana straight in the eye. "Absolutely", she said, without hesitation.

"Really, Berry?"

"I wouldn't think twice about it", Rachel said firmly.

"So, you're telling me you wouldn't miss it?"

"No", Rachel said. "I didn't say I wouldn't miss it. I said I wouldn't think twice about giving it up, if that's what was best for my family." When Santana didn't say anything, Rachel continued. "Santana, you are a wife and a mother. That means making tough choices and sacrifice. But, your family needs you more than anyone else needs you, including the Army Rangers."

Santana looked down at her food and then at Rachel. Rachel looked at Santana, then reached across the table, touched her hand and smiled.


	18. Chapter 18

Thank you as always for the feedback. Here is another chapter. Remember, I will put a big **The End** at the end, so you know it's over. I hope you are still enjoying the story.

Chapter 18

Santana said goodbye to Rachel and headed back to her hotel room. She laid down and tried to sleep, but her mind kept spinning. Unable to sleep, she got out of bed, splashed some water on her face and exited the room. She got in her car, fired up the engine, and headed towards Columbus. She picked up her phone and sent a text to Quinn, and then threw her phone onto the passenger's seat and hit the gas.

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

Quinn was lying in bed when she heard her phone buzz. She looked at it. A new text message from Santana. It had been almost 24 hours since Santana had walked out the door. Quinn felt her heart freeze, but opened the message anyway.

_Q – I'd like to see you tmrw afternoon. Can we meet at park? Then I'd like to see Jenna. Pls let me know. I love you. -S_

Quinn wrote back:

_S - How is 4pm?_

Quinn paused, then wrote the next line:

_I love you- Q_

She hit send and put her phone back down on the bed stand. She would be talking with Santana tomorrow. She would ask Santana for an answer. Quinn could think of only two possible answers from Santana, and she needed to be ready with her response to either. One answer, the answer she hoped would come out of Santana's mouth, would be easy to respond to. Santana would say she is not going back into the army and would make the commitment to stay with her family. The other answer...well, that wouldn't be so easy to respond to, but Quinn needed to be ready to respond to that as well. She closed her eyes, knowing that it would be another sleepless night.

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

Nighttime turned to dawn, and Santana was still driving. She hadn't slept more than 3 hours in the last two days, but she felt completely alert. Her Ranger training had conditioned her to survive on little sleep. She thought about her conversation with Rachel, and also about everything that had happened in the last day and a half. She continued to think the whole way back to Columbus, and shortly before she reached the outskirts of the city she picked up her phone and made a call.

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

Quinn was playing with Jenna in the living room. She had just picked Jenna up from school, and now they were both sitting on the floor. Jenna was in Quinn's lap, playing with her Dora The Explorer doll. Quinn looked at Jenna and smiled. So far, Jenna did not seem too affected by Santana's absence. Jenna's naturally happy demeanor has been the only thing that has kept me together since the argument, Quinn thought. I hope it lasts, because if it disappears, I just might lose it.

Jenna paused her playing with Dora and looked up at Quinn. "Mommy, when is Mama coming home?"

Quinn looked into her daughter's eyes, the eyes that were a younger reflection of her own, and smiled as best she could. "Mama will be home tonight, Bunny."

Jenna smiled. She had missed her Mama, but Mama would be home soon, and all would be well. She looked down and played with Dora for a few seconds, and then she looked back at her Mommy again. "Mommy, can we go on a picnic when Mama comes home?"

Quinn felt the tears start to come again, and she held them at bay. There had been a lot of tears lately. She looked at her daughter and said, "Well, that would be nice, wouldn't it, Bunny?" Quinn answered, without saying yes or no.

Jenna smiled anyway. "Will Mama teach me how to dance when she gets home"? she asked Quinn.

Quinn looked at her daughter for a moment and then said, "Yes, Bunny. I'm sure Mama will teach you how to dance when she gets home." Jenna smiled at her Mommy. Quinn felt the tears start to fall, and she held her daughter close so Jenna wouldn't see her cry.

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

Santana pulled up to the park and saw Quinn standing under a tree near the Lopez family's favorite picnic spot. She got out of the car and started walking slowly. She neared Quinn and stopped a few feet away.

"Hey", Santana said.

"Hey", Quinn replied.

There was a moment of silence, as neither knew what to say or do next.

"Um, how, um…how are you?" Santana asked.

"I'm, um…okay, I guess", Quinn responded. She did not ask Santana how she had been. Quinn wanted to, but she had told herself that she had come here to meet with Santana for one reason only, and she needed to stay focused.

"How is Jenna?" Santana followed up.

"She's fine. She's been asking about you, wondering where you are and when you are coming home", Quinn said.

"Where is she right now?"

"With the baby sitter – the one with the pink hair and nose ring".

"Oh. Yeah. That one." Santana smiled slightly, thinking about her snide comment to Quinn about the babysitter on the night of their first date after she had returned, and Quinn smiled back, thinking about the same thing.

Santana looked at Quinn for a few seconds and then stepped closer and took Quinn's hands in hers. Quinn looked at her own hands nestled in her wife's, and then she pulled Santana in for a hug. The two remained in their embrace for almost a minute, and then Quinn broke the silence. "I've missed you", she said in a voice so soft it was almost a whisper.

Santana buried her face in Quinn's hair. It smelled amazing, like tropical mangos. Quinn always smelled amazing, Santana thought. "I've missed you, too", she whispered back. They remained in their embrace for a few more seconds, and then Quinn slowly broke the embrace and pulled back.

"So, um, did you do some thinking?" Quinn asked.

"Yeah. I did", Santana said. "And I just want to start by saying that I'm sorry about some of the things I said the other night. I just haven't felt right since I've been back, and I guess I just…I don't know…snapped." Santana looked at her wife and continued. "I'm sorry about going off on you, for saying all that shit about you always being number one, and I know you're not spoiled, and I know you haven't had a perfect life. I know you care about what I want and how I feel, and I'm sorry again for all of those things that I said." Santana looked at the ground and then looked Quinn right in the eyes. "I want you to know that I love you."

Quinn felt a lump form in her throat, but she spoke through it. "I'm sorry, too. I haven't been as understanding towards you and your situation as I should have been. I feel like I haven't been there for you, or maybe that I just don't know how to be there for you. I just wish I knew what to do to give you the support you need." Quinn looked down, and then looked up into Santana's eyes. "I want you to know that I respect whatever decision you make, even if I don't agree with it or understand it. And, I want you to know that I love you, too."

Santana smiled slightly. She took Quinn's hands in hers again. She looked down and exhaled deeply. When she looked back up, she was no longer smiling. She looked her wife straight in the eyes.

"I'm going to rejoin the Rangers", Santana said.

Quinn's mouth fell open a bit, and she stared at Santana. Tears started forming in her eyes, and she felt her gut clench. This was what I was dreading, Quinn thought. Questions and feelings started to spin in her head, but she pushed them aside and kept staring at Santana.

"I wish I could tell you that I'm staying, but I can't. I just can't make the commitment that you want", Santana continued. "I can't explain why I have to do this, but I do." She looked at her wife and then said, "It doesn't mean I love you any less. It's just that, there's just something in me that's compelling me to do this."

Quinn pulled her hands away from Santana's. She looked down and said, "I don't understand…I don't understand why you can't stay with us", she said and then looked up, "but I do understand you need to do what you do."

Santana looked at her wife and nodded. "Thank you", she said.

Quinn kept looking at Santana. "But, I want you to know that I will be doing what I need to do", she said. Santana kept her eyes on Quinn, waiting for her to continue.

"Santana – I will be filing for divorce", Quinn said.

Santana felt a lump in her own throat, and her gut clenched. She gasped softly, and her mouth fell open. "Q-" she said.

Quinn looked at her wife. Tears were starting to form in Santana's eyes, and now both women were crying. Quinn wanted desperately to reach out to Santana's face and brush them away, but she couldn't. Stay on track, she reminded herself. Santana has made her choice, and now you have to follow through with yours.

"I know that's not something you want to hear, San, but I have to", Quinn said. "Just like you have to go back to the Rangers."

Santana continued to stare at Quinn. Quinn was right – she didn't want to hear that. In fact, she hadn't really expected to hear that. But she knew she couldn't really say anything. It was her decision to rejoin the Rangers that was making Quinn decide to file for divorce. It makes sense rationally, Santana thought, but she still thought it would never have come to this. She looked at her wife and then spoke.

"I-I-I…I don't know what to say", Santana stammered. "I mean, I know that me being in the army hasn't always been easy for you…for us…but I always thought that you would be there for me, that we would be together, that I would always have you to come home to."

Quinn felt a flash of anger rise in her, but she stuffed it down and kept her voice level. "I want you to _be _home, so you wouldn't have to _come back_ to me, because you'd already _be_ here with me", she said.

Santana didn't say anything, so Quinn continued on. "Santana, I want you to know that my filing for divorce doesn't mean that I love _you _any less, but it's something that I have to do. I can't explain it, but I think it will help me."

"H-h-how?" Santana asked. "I mean, what difference will that make, if we're legally married or not, if you love me?"

"I can't explain it" Quinn said. "Maybe it will help me move on somehow, or at the very least maybe it will help me get past this whole thing that's been going on the last two days. "But, I can't explain it, just like you can't explain to me why you're choosing the army over your own family. But, this may help me, somehow, just like rejoining the army is something you just have to do."

Santana stared at Quinn for a few seconds and then looked at the ground. There was a moment of silence, and then she looked up.

"I want both", Santana said.

"What?"

"I want both. I want my family, and I want to be in the Rangers." Santana stared at Quinn with stark, pleading eyes.

"But you can't have both", Quinn said. Her eyes were still filled with tears, but her voice was firm. "I need you to choose this family, or I can't continue as we are. I know you don't understand, just like I don't understand why you feel such a compelling need to put your life on the line for people who don't even know you, above being with your own family. But, I hope you understand that I need to do what I need to do, just like I understand that you need to do what you need to do."

Santana was quiet for a moment, and then she nodded slowly. What Quinn said made sense. Santana didn't want to hear it. She wanted to be a Ranger. She also wanted a family that she could call her own, that she could come home to. But, she knew that she had no right to ask Quinn to play second fiddle to the Rangers anymore. And, she understood where Quinn was coming from, in the sense that Quinn needed to do what Quinn needed to do, regardless of whether or not Santana liked it or understood it. Santana didn't know exactly what filing for divorce would do for Quinn, or how it might help her, but she understood that Quinn needed to do what she needed to do, even if she couldn't precisely explain it to her.

"What about Jenna?" Santana asked. "I want to be in her life, as much as I can."

"Of course", Quinn said. "I would never take that away from you, and my filing for divorce will not have anything to do with that. You can see her whenever you want, just give me a heads up". Quinn looked at Santana in the eyes. "You are still her Mama."

Santana smiled slightly and nodded. "Can I see her now?"

"Yes", Quinn said. "She's at home, waiting for you".

Santana thought for a moment and then asked, "Have you told her anything?"

"No", Quinn said. "I just told her you have been looking at dance schools." She looked Santana in the eyes. "Telling her the truth is on you."

Santana took a deep breath and nodded.

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

"Mamaaaaaaaaaa! You're home!" Jenna squealed with delight and ran into her Mama's arms.

"Hi, Bunny!" Santana knelt down and hugged her daughter close. "How's my Bunny?"

Jenna clung to Santana for a full minute and then pulled back. They were in the front foyer of the house. Quinn watched from the doorway with a mixture of happiness at the sight of Jenna and Santana hugging and dread of what was to come next.

Jenna looked at her Mama and her Mommy, beaming like a beacon. Both of her mothers were here. All was right in the world. "Can we go picnic?" She asked eagerly.

Santana looked at Quinn, and Quinn looked back at Santana. This is yours to explain, Quinn's look said to Santana.

"Well, Bunny, it's a little late for a picnic today", Santana said.

"Tomorrow? Picnic tomorrow?" Jenna asked with hopeful eyes.

Santana sighed. This was going to be tough. It was now or never. She looked at Quinn, who had tears of her own forming in her eyes, and then looked at Jenna. She grabbed both of Jenna's arms gently and looked her daughter in the eyes.

"Bunny, I can't go on a picnic tomorrow", Santana said.

Jenna stared at her Mama with big eyes. They were Quinn's eyes, Santana thought.

"I want to go picnic", Jenna said and looked at Santana and pouted. Quinn's pout, Santana thought.

Santana took a deep breath and then exhaled. "Mama has to go away again." She continued to look into Jenna's eyes.

Jenna continued to stare. What was happening, she thought? Mama just got home, and now she has to go away again? She stared at Santana for a few seconds longer and then tears formed in her eyes. "Noooooo…", she said and looked down.

Santana's heart lurched, and she gently lifted Jenna's chin with her thumb and forefinger. She lifted it up and looked at her daughter's eyes. "Bunny…" she started.

"Nooooooo!" Jenna cried, a little louder. "Mama, don't go away", she said, as tears started welling up in her eyes.

"Bunny, I'm sorry, but I have to -" Santana started again.

"Nooooooooooooo!" Jenna screamed, and looked at her Mama. Tears started pouring out of her eyes. "Noooooooooooo!" she wailed again. "You said you would never leave!" Jenna wailed.

"Bunny-" Santana started. She had tears in her own eyes. She looked at Quinn. Tears were running down her face as well. She looked back at Jenna and went to pull her close for a hug, but Jenna resisted, and Santana's heart froze.

"You said you would never leave, Mama!" Jenna was balling, and tears were running down her face. "You said we would go picnics!"

"Bunny", Santana started again. "Look, I lov-"

Jenna was shaking. "You said you would teach me how to dance!" Jenna screamed. She looked at her Mama in disbelief and shock, and then screamed, "Noooooooooooooooo!" one last time. She broke away from her Mama, and then she turned around and ran into her room, sobbing with every step.

Santana remained in her knelt position, mouth open, tears running down her face, unable to move. She looked up at Quinn, who was staring at her, tears of her own running down her face. Quinn stared at Santana for a few seconds longer, then broke her gaze, walked into Jenna's bedroom, and shut the door. Santana remained in her knelt position, eyes on the ground, staring at nothing.


	19. Chapter 19

Thank you as always for reading and for the feedback. I realize the last chapter may have been tough to read and may not have been what you were expecting, and I received some pretty heated responses. As I said before, every good story had conflict. Also, without giving much away, I will let you know that we are nearing the end of the story, and it does end happier than the previous chapter did. I hope you will stick with it and see it through, and I hope you are still enjoying the story.

Chapter 19

"Break!" Santana ordered. Her team stopped and took off their packs. "Grab some water. We move in two minutes". Santana took off her pack, grabbed her canteen and swigged down some water. She looked around. They were on one of the Ranger training courses at Fort Benning, running a two-day tracking exercise deep in the Georgia woods.

It had been one week since Jenna had run away from Santana crying and Quinn had shut Jenna's bedroom door on her. Santana had remained in the house for a few more minutes, then had scribbled Quinn a quick note with a phone number and left.

She had driven straight to Fort Benning. Stofer and Johnson had been waiting for her by the main guard tower.

"Welcome back, Sergeant", Stofer had said.

"It's good to have you back, Sarge" Johnson confirmed.

Santana's first week back in the Rangers had been a whirlwind. Right after she had met Stofer and Johnson at the gate, the three of them had headed straight for the Ranger training facility. Santana had picked up her clothes and equipment and stowed them at her bunk, and then Stofer and Johnson had briefed late into the night on the latest happenings. She had then tried to sleep, but couldn't. The wake up call had sounded at 04:30 the next day, and since then it had been non-stop activity.

"Sarge", the voice came. Santana blinked and looked up. Johnson was right beside her. She had been lost in thought. Lately that had been happening a lot, more than it ever had before. Before, Santana had always been able to focus on the task at hand. This past week, she found that she had been losing herself in her thoughts during training. It's been nice, Santana thought. Back to familiar surroundings. Back to what I do best. Back to having a purpose, of feeling like I belong where I am. She thought about her first day back, her teammates welcoming her return before they hit the course.

"Welcome back, Sarge", Renzo had said.

"We knew you'd come back", Terrell confirmed.

"Once a Ranger, always a Ranger", Johnson had said.

Yes, the team was happy to have her back. She could see it in their eyes and sense it in their actions. The unit was back together with its commander, as it was meant to be. Yet, through this first week, something felt different. Something felt off. Yes, she was back where she belonged, but something was still not quite right, like there was something missing. Since she had been back, not an hour had gone by when she hadn't thought about Quinn or Jenna. Maybe it's because we aren't a family anymore. Maybe it's because I don't have a family to go home to anymore. Maybe it's that "Don't know what you got until it's gone" kind of thing, Santana thought. Her thoughts drifted back to Jenna, tears pouring down her cheeks, breaking away from her Mama and running into her room, and to Quinn telling Santana that she was going to file for divorce. Two nights ago, Santana had gone off base after evening chow. She had driven to their house - well, soon-to-be just Quinn and Jenna's house, she thought. She had parked a block away and walked until she was across the street. She could see her daughter and soon-to-be-ex-wife through the dining room window. Quinn was holding Jenna on her lap. They were reading a book together. Santana stood silently behind a tree, under the cover of darkness, and watched them. She wanted so badly at that moment to cross the street, open the front door, come into the house, hug them both and make their hurt go away. But she didn't. Instead, she just stood there and watched them. A tear formed in her eye, and she let it roll down her face. It's almost like I want them more now than I ever did before, now that I don't have them anymore, Santana thought. She stood there for a few more minutes and then walked back to her car and drove back to the base. Well, she thought, I guess things are just weird right now. It's probably just because I just got back into it and am trying to readjust. Once I get back into it, everything will be fine.

"Sarge", came Johnson's voice again. "You ready to move out?" Johnson asked. Santana looked at him and then nodded.

"Sarge – if you don't mind my asking, is everything alright?"

Santana looked at Johnson for a few seconds and then nodded. "I'm fine. I'm fine." Then she stowed her cantina, shouldered her pack and looked around at her unit. "Move out!" she ordered. The team shouldered their packs and followed Santana as they continued on the course.

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

Jenna and Quinn were in the kitchen eating dinner. It had been ten days since Santana had left her family to rejoin the Rangers. Quinn had held Jenna for over an hour, finally cuddling her to sleep. She had then come out of Jenna's bedroom to find Santana gone and a note on the kitchen table. Santana had written that Quinn could call that number anytime if she needed to get a hold of her. Since Santana had left, Quinn hadn't heard from her, and she hadn't called Santana either. Quinn had wanted to use the number but hadn't. I need to move on, Quinn thought. I just need to move on, and calling that number won't help with that.

"Mommy?" Quinn looked up and saw Jenna staring at her.

"Yes, Bunny?" Quinn looked at her daughter. Jenna had cried for two days straight after Santana had left, but since then things had gotten better. Every day she cried a little less, and every day she asked a few less times when her Mama was coming home. Thank God children are able to move on faster than we adults are, Quinn thought.

"Can I go to the zoo with Katie?"

Quinn had run into Katie's mother, Jane, at the school a few days ago. Jane had mentioned that Katie had wanted to go to the zoo, and had asked Quinn if Jenna could go with them if a trip came together. Quinn was glad that Jenna was making friends at the school, and she also thought that a trip to the zoo would be a welcome distraction for Jenna, with everything that had been going on at home. Since their daughters had become friends, Jane had actually become somewhat of a friend to Quinn. They weren't close, but Jane knew what was going on with Quinn and had offered to be there for her.

"Quinn – I understand that you are going through a rough time right now, so if there's anything I can do to help, please let me know."

"Thanks, Jane", Quinn had said. "Really, just having Katie be a friend to Jenna has been a huge help."

"Mommy?" Quinn blinked. Jenna was still staring at her, waiting for a response.

"Of course, Bunny, of course you can go to the zoo with Katie."

"Yay! Zoo!" Jenna smiled and beamed at Quinn. This was the happiest that Quinn had seen her daughter in ten days, and Jenna's happiness made Quinn smile as well. She reached over and stroked her daughter's hair.

"I love you, Bunny", Quinn said.

"I love you too, Mommy", Jenna replied and smiled.

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

Santana was in Stofer's office. They were reviewing the team's structure and talking about the possibility of adding members.

"Lopez?"

"Sir?"

"I need to ask you something."

"Yes, sir?"

"Johnson came to me this morning. He said you seemed distracted on the course a few days ago." Stofer looked Santana square in the eye. "In fact, I've noticed it myself. You seem less focused than you were before you left six weeks ago."

"Sir. It's nothing. I'm fine, thank you". Santana answered.

"Lopez", Stofer continued. "If something is on your mind, I need to know. You know I can't have you leading this team unfocused."

Santana didn't say anything. She didn't want to display any weakness in front of her commanding officer. Stofer sensed this. "Permission to speak freely", he said, and saw Santana relax.

"Sir", Santana said and took a deep breath. "I noticed this week that I have been thinking about my wife and daughter more than I ever have before, Sir". Stofer didn't say anything, so Santana continued. "I have been thinking about them all the time - on the courses, at chow time, in the barracks. I can't get them out of my mind, Sir."

Stofer looked at Lopez and then said, "I understand. That's natural. I know it wasn't an easy choice for you to come back here. But, I need to know right now if you are ready to commit. As you know, we could have to move at a moment's notice, and I need everyone on this team to be one hundred percent focused and fully committed."

Santana remained silent for a second and then said, "Sir. I am committed, Sir."

Stofer looked at Santana. He was about to ask her one more time to confirm, when a young private knocked on his door and entered. "Sir", the private addressed Stofer.

"What is it?" Stofer answered.

"HQ is on the line. It's urgent", the private reported.

"Patch it through", Stofer commanded. "I'll take it in here".

"Do you want me to leave, Sir", Santana said.

"Find Johnson and report back to my office ASAP."

Here it comes, Santana thought. She felt the adrenaline rush, the excitement of kicking off a mission. This is what I came back for. This is why I am here. Bad guys are plotting destruction, and we are going to stop them. This is my purpose in life. "Yes, Sir!" she said and saluted, then walked out of Stofer's office to track down Johnson.


	20. Chapter 20

Here's another chapter. I will try to post one more today. Thank you again for reading.

Chapter 20

Quinn got out of her car and looked up at the building. She was standing in front of the law offices of Fielder, Katz and Bergman. Jenna was spending the day at the zoo with Katie, so Quinn was taking the time to begin proceeds for filing for divorce. She took a deep breath, opened up the front door to the office and walked in. She approached the receptionist desk.

"Hi, I'm Quinn Fabray-Lopez. I have a 1pm appointment with Mr. Bergman."

"Yes, Mrs. Lopez. Please have a seat."

"Thank you", Quinn said. She took a seat. Mrs. Lopez. Not for much longer, she thought, and a wave of sadness came over her. She looked down at her left hand. She had removed both her wedding and engagement rings from her finger. She had removed them earlier in the day, and she had cried while doing it. It was a symbolic step, the first step to moving on. Stay focused, Quinn thought, as she waited to start step two.

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

Santana, Stofer and Johnson were in Stofer's office. The call from HQ had come in two days ago. NSA satellites had picked up chatter from a terrorist cell concerning a plot for a possible bombing, and army intel had confirmed that the threat was real. The bombing was supposed to take place in three days, and the Rangers had been called in to mobilize. Since receiving the call from HQ, the team had been prepping non-stop for the last 72 hours and were due to ship out later in the afternoon. Normally, the pre-op planning was one of the times where Santana was the most focused, but during the pre-op for this mission, she had found herself drifting often, thinking about Quinn and Jenna. Currently, she was thinking about how she would pretty soon no longer have a wife, and that she would have to call her soon-to-be ex-wife whenever she wanted to see her daughter.

"Sergeant!" Stofer's voice snapped Santana back to reality.

"Sir?"

"Alpha team will insert here", Stofer pointed to the map. "Beta team will insert ninety seconds later, here". Stofer pointed to a different spot on the map. "We will converge on the target location, secure the perimeter, and take out any hostiles." Stofer looked at Santana. "Thoughts?"

Santana looked at Stofer and Johnson, tried to quickly re-orient her mind back onto the mission, and then began her pre-op analysis.

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

"In summary, Mrs. Lopez, our main objective is to do our best to help you through this difficult time." Larry Bergman sat back in his chair and crossed his legs. Quinn looked at him and then down at the documents on the desk in front of her. She had been in Bergman's office for almost two hours, and he head was starting to hurt. This whole thing was just awful, she thought. It was confusing and heart-wrenching.

"We will seek to have sole custody of Jenna assigned to you", Bergman continued.

"But I don't want that", Quinn said. "I want to share custody with Santana."

"Mrs. Lopez, I'm not saying you can't _share _custody. All I am saying is that-" Bergman was explaining what he meant when Quinn's phone buzzed. She looked at it. It was Jane. Quinn hit ignore call and looked back at Bergman to continue.

"All I am saying is that the _decision_ to share custody will remain solely yours. You can set the terms." Bergman cleared his throat and then continued. "Given what you have told me about your wife, I think that decisions regarding custody would be best left to you. I-" Bergman was about to continue when Quinn's phone rang again. It was Jane. Two calls back-to-back, Quinn thought. I'd better answer, in case it's an emergency.

"I'm sorry, Mr. Bergman. I need to take this call." She smiled apologetically at Bergman and then answered her phone. "Hello?" she said. She listened for a few moments, and then her face went white.


	21. Chapter 21

Chapter 21

Santana was running through her pre-op analysis with Stofer and Johnson. "We breach the perimeter and plant cover shooters here, here and here", she said, pointing to the map. "Terrell blows the inside wall, and Johnson's squad enters in two-by-two formation. I will lead Renzo's squad in an-" she was about to finish her analysis when the young private knocked and entered.

"Sir, I apologize for the interruption", he said to Stofer. He turned to Santana. "Ma'am? We just got a call from your wife. It's urgent."

Santana turned to Stofer. Stofer looked at her for a second and then nodded to the private to deliver the information.

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

Quinn bolted out of Bergman's office and drove to the hospital as quickly as she could. She double parked her car right in front of the emergency room doors and ran inside. She saw the reception desk and ran towards it.

"Jenna Lopez!" she screamed. "Where is Jenna Lopez?"

"Quinn!" she heard someone call her name. She looked over and saw Jane running towards her. Tears were in her face. "They have her down here!" Jane took Quinn's arm, and the two mothers ran down the hall. "I'm so sorry! The other driver just didn't see us, and he…" Jane couldn't finish the sentence. They got to the end of the hall when Quinn heard her name called again.

"Mrs. Lopez?" Quinn looked up and saw a doctor standing to her left. "I'm Dr. Hamlin. We are transporting Jenna into surgery right now."

"What happened! Is she going to be alright?" Quinn asked through panicked breaths.

"We don't know. We're going to operate now. Please, have a seat", Dr Hamlin motioned to a waiting room. "We will give you an update as soon as we can".

Quinn stood still, unable to move. She felt like she was going to faint. Jane helped her to the waiting room, and then she collapsed into a chair. She stayed motionless for a few minutes, and then she pulled out her cell and made a call.

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

Santana maintained her composure as best she could as the private delivered the news, but her mind and emotions were spinning. Her daughter…in trouble…injured…her Mama not there…how could she not be there? How could she have let this happen? When the private was done, Stofer dismissed him, and then looked at Santana.

"Sir", Santana began. "Permission to speak with you alone." Santana said, as she looked at Johnson. Stofer nodded, and Johnson exited the room. Stofer returned his steely gaze to Santana, waiting for her to talk.

"Sir", Santana began, "I-" Santana paused, unsure what to say.

"Go on, Lopez. Speak freely".

Santana paused and then looked Stofer in the eye. "Sir – I'd like to go so I can be with my family."

"We are scheduled to depart for Kandahar in under three hours."

"Yes, Sir. I am aware of that."

Stofer returned Santana's look. "Are you choosing your family over your unit?"

Santana looked Stofer squarely in the eye for a moment and then spoke. "Sir, yes I am, Sir".

Stofer looked at her. "I see", he said. He paused and then continued, "You know you're risking disciplinary action if you leave now".

"Yes, Sir. I know." Santana said, "and I am willing to accept the consequences if that happens." Santana paused and then said. "Sir, permission to speak freely".

"Yes, Lopez – we've already established that", Stofer said. "Continue."

Santana took a deep breath and then spoke. "Sir, ever since I have been back I have been…"

"Unfocused", Stofer said. "I know. I told you that Johnson has noticed, too. I wouldn't be surprised if more of the team hasn't noticed as well"

"Sir, I don't want to let you down. And I don't want to let the team down either, but…"

"You need to be there for your family."

"Sir?" Santana said, unsure if that was a command or just Stofer saying what he thought was on Santana's mind.

"Lopez, as you know, I'm not one for big speeches. I'm gonna cut to the chase. Our job is to save the world." Stofer smiled slightly. "But, I understand if you need to go now to save your own world."

Santana looked at Stofer. "Thank you, Sir. I don't know what to say."

"Go. Take care of what you need to take care of and report back as soon as you can. I'll take this one", Stofer said, referring to command of Alpha Team for the mission. He nodded at Santana and then smiled slightly. "We can sort out the rest later."

"Yes, Sir. Thank you, Sir", Santana said, then turned around and left Stofer's office.

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

Quinn sat by Jenna's bed and stared at her daughter. Jenna was lying motionless, hooked up to machines. After the surgery the doctor had come to escort Quinn into Jenna's room. She had watched as the staff wheeled Jenna into the room on her bed. Seeing her little baby hooked up to machines made her gut wrench. I feel like I'm in a bad dream, Quinn thought. She hadn't been able to get a hold of Santana. She had called the number that Santana had given her and spoken to someone who said he would deliver the message. Quinn had no idea where Santana was. For all she knew, Santana could be halfway around the world right now. Thinking about Santana's absence as Jenna was lying in a hospital bed made her eyes well up with tears and she cried again for the umpteenth time in the last two weeks.

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

Santana took a car from the base and sped towards the hospital. She pulled up to the emergency room entrance and saw Quinn's car. She parked right behind it and strode through the automatic doors. She was still in her army fatigues with her sidearm in a holster at her waist. Heads turned as she walked to the reception desk. There was a line of people, but Santana bypassed the line and approached the desk.

"Jenna Lopez. I need to know where she is right now", Santana barked. A worried father was at the head of the line. He whirled around, ready to angrily confront the person trying to cut the line, but backed off when he saw Santana in her combat fatigues.

The receptionist looked up Jenna's room number and gave it to Santana. Santana strode off and found the room. She slowed her pace upon approaching the door and quietly entered the room.

Quinn was sitting and staring at Jenna when she heard a noise at the door. She looked up and her heart stopped. Standing in the doorway was Santana. She was dressed in her army fatigues, and her sidearm hung from a holster at her waist. Quinn stared at her wife, mouth open. Santana took off her holster and out it on the table near the door, then walked over to Quinn, bent over, and gave her a long hug.

"Hi", Santana breathed into Quinn's ear.

"Hi", Quinn sobbed into Santana's ear. She pulled her wife in and hugged her tight.

"How are you", Santana asked Quinn. The two of them were still hugging.

"I'm…I'm…" Quinn stammered, unable to get the words out.

"Shhh…shhh…it's okay, it's okay", Santana said. "I'm here babe, I'm here."

Quinn continued to sob and talk. "I didn't know where you were. I called the number you gave me. I didn't know if you would get the message or show up or…"

"It's okay, it's okay, babe", Santana said soothingly. She held Quinn for a bit longer and then pulled back from the hug and looked Quinn in the eyes. "How is Jenna?" she asked.

"She-she's in cri-criti-critic", Quinn sobbed.

Critical condition, Santana put together. She pulled Quinn in for another hug. She held her wife tight and then pulled back. She looked at Quinn's tear-streaked face and felt tears welling up in her own eyes. She forced them back and cupped Quinn's cheek. "Has she been conscious at all?" Santana asked regarding Jenna.

Quinn shook her head. Santana got up from her chair and walked over to Jenna's bed. She went to stroke Jenna's hair, but Quinn said, "Don't – the doctor said we're not supposed to touch her." Santana stopped her hand an inch from Jenna's head and just stared. Her thoughts jumped back to the last time she had seen Jenna, a look of devastation on her face, running away from her Mama with tears streaming down her cheeks. That thought, and seeing her daughter lying in a hospital bed hooked up to machines were too much for Santana. She started sobbing, and tears poured from her eyes.

Quinn came up behind Santana and put her arms around Santana's shoulders. She put her lips to the back of Santana's neck and held them there. Santana continued to cry for another five minutes, then turned around to face Quinn. She buried her head in Quinn's shoulder and cried some more, her tears a mixture of sadness and regret. Finally, Santana took Quinn's hands, and it was then that she noticed Quinn wasn't wearing either her wedding ring or her engagement ring. Santana's heart lurched, but she steadied it and refrained from asking about them. That could wait for another time. She led Quinn back to the chairs, and the two of them sat back down.

"Can you tell me what happened?" Santana asked Quinn. Quinn started talking. She told Santana that Jane had taken Jenna and Katie to the zoo. They had been driving home when a driver had tried to beat a red light and had hit the side of Jane's car that Jenna was on. Jane and Katie were shook up but basically okay, but Jenna had taken the brunt of the impact. Santana listened to Quinn talk about how she had been at a lawyer's office to start the divorce proceeds when she got the phone call from Jane, and how she had rushed down to the hospital, run into Jane, and then called Santana.

"Everything will be okay", Santana said, trying to stay strong. She put her arms around her wife and held her. They stayed like that for a few minutes, and then Quinn asked, "When are you going back?" in a voice that was barely audible.

"What?" Santana asked Quinn. She thought she had heard Quinn's question, but she wanted to make sure she had heard it correctly.

Quinn pulled back from Santana and looked at her wife in the eyes. "When do you have to go back? To the army."

Santana looked at Quinn and took her hands. "I'm not going back".

"W-w-what?" Quinn looked at Santana, confused.

"I'm not going back, babe." Santana looked into Quinn's beautiful eyes and said it again. "I'm not going back to the Rangers."

"B-b-but, I thought…" Quinn started in

"I know. I spoke with Stofer. I told him I'm leaving."

"You told him you're leaving?"

"Well, I told him I was leaving to come here. I will be telling him that I'm not coming back." Santana looked at Quinn and then said, "I'm not leaving you. You or Jenna. Ever again."

Quinn stared at her wife for a moment and then looked down. When she looked back up, she said, "How do I know?"

"How do you know what, babe?"

"H-how do I know you won't leave again?"

Santana looked at Quinn and her heart seized. Quinn's question hit home, highlighting in one sentence all of the toll that Santana's actions had taken on her wife and daughter. Santana thought for a moment. "Because I'm risking a court martial by leaving the base today. Because I'm still risking the possibility of facing criminal charges as a civilian if I leave the army for good." Santana put her hand to Quinn's face and wiped away a tear. "Do you think I would risk all of that if I didn't intend to stay with you and Jenna?"

"I-I don't know", Quinn said. "How do I know? I mean, really know that you won't leave again?"

Santana was silent for a moment and then said, "You don't. I can't prove it to you, at least not this second. All I can do is ask you to believe in me", Santana said.

Quinn looked at her wife, and then asked, "Why did you change your mind?"

Santana took a deep breath and then told Quinn about how she had started driving around after the argument and had ended up in New York, how she had got the idea to go see Rachel, how they had talked, how being back in the Rangers the last two weeks hadn't felt the same, and finally what Stofer said to her right before she left to come to the hospital. Quinn stared at Santana with her big, green eyes while she spoke.

"I-I-I still don't know", Quinn said. "I mean, how-"

"I love you", Santana said, as she held Quinn's cheeks in both of her hands. "I love you, and I love Jenna. I came back because of that love."

Quinn reached out and touched Santana's face. "San…" she said.

Santana closed her eyes and reveled in Quinn's touch. Then, she opened her eyes, looked at Quinn, and leaned in. "I love you, Lucy Quinn", she said, and gave Quinn a kiss on the lips. "I love you, and I will never leave you or Jenna again."

Quinn looked at Santana and, in the most plaintive voice ever heard, said, "And I love you, Santana."

Santana reached out and hugged Quinn, and they stayed like that for a long time.


	22. Chapter 22

So, this will be the end of the story except for an epilogue I am working on (which will be an integral part to the story). I will try to post that soon. I know this story hasn't always been an easy read, and I thank you again for reading and for all of the feedback.

Chapter 22

Santana and Quinn were dozing on the chairs in Jenna's hospital room. They had pushed their two chairs together and made somewhat of a makeshift love seat. Santana was sitting upright with her arm around Quinn. Quinn was resting her head on Santana's shoulder. Santana heard the noise first. Jenna was stirring in her bed. She opened her eyes, looked at the bed, and then gently woke Quinn.

"Babe, babe, wake up." Quinn uncurled herself from Santana and rubbed her eyes.

"What?" She looked around, trying to re-orient herself.

"Look", Santana said, and pointed to Jenna's bed. Jenna was stirring, and her eyes were fluttering.

"Oh my God", Quinn gasped. She got up and walked over to the bed. She reached out and started to touch Jenna's hair, then remembered that the doctor had said not to touch her. Quinn leaned over and looked into Jenna's eyes.

"Bunny?" Quinn said. Jenna's eyes fluttered again, but she did not speak.

"Bunny?" Quinn said again. This time, Jenna's eyes fluttered and stayed open.

"Mommy?" Jenna muttered.

"Bunny…" Quinn's voice quivered, and she started crying tears of joy.

"Mommy…" Jenna muttered again.

Santana walked over to the bed, and Jenna's eyes registered her. "Mama?"

Santana started to cry as well. "Hi, Bunny."

"Mama…here?" Jenna said.

"Yes Bunny, I'm here", Santana said. She reached out and put her hand an inch from her daughter's face.

"Mama not leaving?"

"No, Bunny", Santana said, and more tears flowed. "I'm not leaving."

"Mama not leaving?", Jenna asked again.

"No Bunny", Santana replied through tears. "Mama is never leaving you ever again".

Jenna looked at her Mama, and then looked at her Mommy. Then she smiled, and both Quinn and Santana smiled back through their tears. "Okay", Jenna said, and closed her eyes. Santana and Quinn continued to look at Jenna for a few more minutes, and then Santana looked at Quinn. She took Quinn's hands and led her back to the makeshift love seat they had made. Quinn buried her head in Santana's shoulder and cried, overwhelmed with all of the emotions she had faced in the last two weeks. Santana put her arms around Quinn and gently stroked her hair. They remained like that for a while, and then Santana spoke.

"Q?" she addressed Quinn.

"Yeah?" Quinn looked up into Santana's eyes.

"Do you remember when you told me that the only people I need to be a hero to are you and Jenna?"

Quinn closed her eyes and felt her gut clench as she thought about the night she had said that, the night of that awful argument. "Yes. I remember"

"You were right", Santana said. Quinn opened her eyes and looked right into Santana's eyes. Santana smiled slightly. She looked down and then looked back at Quinn.

"And I'm sorry. For everything. So, so sorry", Santana said. She looked at Quinn with hurt, regretful eyes. Quinn said nothing, and then smiled just the slightest smile. Then she put her head back onto Santana's shoulder.

"You were right", Santana repeated. She put her forehead to the top of Quinn's head, and in a voice just barely above a whisper said, "You always are."


	23. Epilogue 1

Here is the epilogue. It takes place six months after Jenna's accident. I think it does a nice job of closing out the story. I hope you feel the same. Also, some of you have asked for flashbacks regarding how Santana and Quinn initially became a couple. There is a wonderful Fanfiction story called "Navigating After" that does just that. It tells a story about Quinn and Santana and the months following their initial hookup on the Glee episode of I Do. It was the first story I ever read on Fanfiction, and it was actually the story that inspired me to write this one. I highly suggest reading it if you haven't. I can't post the link, but just search for Fanfiction Navigating after.

At any rate, I thank you again for reading and for all of your feedback. Again, this is my first story. I enjoyed writing it, and I hope you have enjoyed reading it.

Epilogue - 6 months later

"Bunny, are you ready?" Santana said to her daughter and smiled.

"Yes, Mama! Let's go dance!" Jenna said, as she bounced out the front door and towards the car.

Jenna was headed to her private dance lesson with her Mama. Santana had gotten a job as a dance instructor at a performing arts studio near their house. The owners allowed her free reign of the studio when it wasn't being used, so once a week she took Jenna there after school and gave her a private lesson. For Jenna, it was the highlight of her week, to go dancing with her beloved Mama.

After her accident, Jenna had stayed in the hospital for three days. Santana had stayed by her side the whole time. Quinn left only to get food and changes of clothes. Upon Jenna's release on the fourth morning, the three of them had returned home. Santana and Quinn had spent the day getting Jenna settled in.

Santana and Quinn talked after Jenna had fallen asleep that night. They had talked late into the night. Santana had apologized over and over again for the course she had taken and had said she would do whatever it took to become a part of the family again. Quinn had listened and then told Santana how she felt. She wanted Santana back in the house, she had said, and she wanted Santana back in her life, but she wanted to take it slow. The emotional strain that Santana's actions had caused Quinn was too much for Quinn to just blink away. Quinn said she wanted to try to make things work between them, but they needed to take things at her pace. Trust wouldn't be regained overnight, she had told Santana, and Santana understood. Both of them agreed that it would be good to have Santana back in the house, though. If nothing more, Jenna would have both of her parents around her, just like she wanted and needed. Santana agreed to stay in the guest bedroom until Quinn was ready to have her back into what used to be their shared bedroom. Santana repeatedly had said she wasn't going anywhere, but Quinn had said she wanted to be sure, and the only thing that would make her sure would be time.

Santana called Stofer the day after Jenna retuned home from the hospital. They spoke for over an hour. Santana told Stofer she was leaving the Rangers for good. Stofer said he was sorry to see her go, but he understood. Stofer told Santana that the army was considering a court martial, but Stofer lobbied on Santana's behalf, and with his help and her excellent service record, Santana was able to avoid any charges. She did receive a dishonorable discharge, and she lost her army benefits, but she had expected that.

A week after Santana spoke to Stofer, she and Quinn went to see a counselor. The counselor specialized in helping military veterans readjust to civilian life. Santana started meeting with him once a week. She had initially gone at Quinn's insistence, but as time progressed she actually found the meetings very helpful. The counselor talked about how difficult readjusting to civilian life was for many soldiers, especially those who had served in elite units. There was a general positive correlation, he said – the higher the dedication that one's job in the military had required, the harder it was for one to readjust to civilian life. He listened to Santana as she talked about her feelings and frustrations. He gave her ideas and techniques to help her readjust. Sometimes Quinn would accompany Santana, and the counselor would hear Quinn out and answer her questions as well. Quinn still couldn't make sense of how anyone would choose anything over her own family, but she did begin to understand just how hard it was, and why it was so hard, for Santana to readjust to civilian life. It wasn't like just flipping a light switch. Adjustment would take time, the counselor said. He also gave Quinn ideas that she could use to assist Santana in making the readjustment. Quinn had said before to Santana that she wished she knew what she could do to help Santana readjust, and the counselor had helped with ideas. More importantly to Quinn, though, Santana's going to counseling showed Quinn that Santana really was serious about readjusting to civilian life.

Most importantly, Santana and Quinn talked. They started talking weekly. They set up time, every Thursday night, after they put Jenna to bed, to just talk. The goal of these talks was to discuss everything that may have anything to do regarding their relationship. They were to be honest and open with each other, they had agreed, no matter what needed to be said. Their talks weren't always easy, especially in the beginning, but both Santana and Quinn agreed that they were a vital part of rebuilding their relationship. Through these talks, Santana finally realized just how deeply her actions had affected both Quinn and Jenna. Quinn told her in detail about the loneliness and worry she would feel when Santana was on deployment, and how Jenna would sit at the window for hours on end, waiting for her Mama to come home. Quinn went into detail about the feelings of hurt and betrayal that she felt when Santana chose to go back to the army over being with her own family. Santana listened to it all, at times crying, at times repeatedly apologizing, and at times wondering how she had ever thought that there could possibly have been a choice between her family and the army.

On her end, Santana tried to explain to Quinn how she felt and why she did what she did. She would tell Quinn about the job, which is something they had never talked about before. She told Quinn about the training, about how they drilled into her concepts like commitment, honor, loyalty, and pride. She told Quinn about how, when she joined the army, she would have never envisioned the path she ended up going down, how she truly did join the army because she thought it would be the best way to provide for the family. She told Quinn how incredibly good the swell of pride felt when her drill instructor told her he thought she had what it took to serve in the army's most elite combat unit, and how good she felt about herself when she was promoted through the Ranger chain and became the first woman to command a team. She admitted to Quinn that she had glossed over something in their previous talks, that she really had felt as though she had been second fiddle in both Glee and the Cheerios, She spoke about how resentful that had made her feel in high school and how she buried that resentment. She spoke about how she guessed that she had somehow unconsciously harbored that resentment into adulthood, and how finally being good at something and then finding out that she was not only good but great at that something, had made that something become the most important thing to her in the world, more important than her family. She told Quinn she guessed that the importance she had placed on being great at something, combined with the army's constant drilling of commitment, honor, loyalty, and pride into head, had made her feel like the only purpose she had on this world was to serve her country in the Rangers.

They talked about their goals and desires for the future. Quinn wanted a stable and loving family, and another child. Santana wanted that too, but she also wanted to feel purpose and regain her passion for dancing, or at least find a passion for something else. Quinn had reminded Santana of how much she used to love dancing, which had led to Santana obtaining her current position at the dance studio. Through her position, Santana had indeed rekindled her passion for dancing, and it once again became her number one passion, just as it had been before she joined the army. Santana did tell Quinn, though, that she also missed the adrenaline rush that she used to get being in the Rangers. Quinn had unselfishly brought up that Santana could perhaps look into becoming an instructor with the Rangers. She told Santana she thought it might be a good compromise, since Santana could still be a part of the Rangers but not have to go off to battle, but it was Santana who actually declined the idea. Santana said what she realized is that it was the proximity to real danger that was the impetus for the adrenaline rush, and training wasn't going to satisfy that. Santana had brought up the possibility of law enforcement work for herself, maybe as a vice or narcotics detective, but after a brief discussion, Quinn said no. She had drawn the line at any job where there was a possibility that someone would be shooting at Santana.

Santana did end up going to court for the bar fight, but the bro showed up hung over and without a lawyer, and the charges were dismissed. Santana for her part still felt bad about putting the bro in the hospital, and a few days after the court date she tracked him down after one of his classes on the Columbus State campus. The bro froze in his tracks when Santana approached him, but Santana put up her hands to show she was coming in peace. He looked okay, she thought. His left eye was still a little bloodshot, and he had four false teeth, but other than that she didn't see any permanent physical damage. Santana had apologized for going overboard and beating him so badly. The bro, much humbler than he had been that night at the bar, accepted her apology, and admitted he had been out of line. He was drunk and had been trying to impress his friends. After a short chat, Santana and the bro shook hands and parted ways.

The Lopez family was still in the same house in Columbus. Quinn and Santana had discussed moving back to New York now that Santana was no longer stationed at Fort Benning, but both had agreed that their current living situation was ideal for Jenna. She liked her school and was starting to make a good group of friends. Quinn had gone back to work, freelance writing for magazines and advertising agencies. She was able to work from home most of the time, and she made decent money. With Santana's added income as a dance instructor, they were financially stable.

Most of the days, Santana took Jenna to school. From her time in the Rangers, Santana had developed a habit of rising early, and she knew that Quinn liked to sleep later. Santana would get Jenna ready for school, drop her off, and then come back home, sometimes all before Quinn even woke up. It was on those days that she would wake Quinn up with a kiss and coffee in bed. Quinn would then begin her day, and Santana would go for a lengthly run. Six months out of the Rangers, she could still keep a 7 minute mile pace over 15 miles. After her run, Santana would head to the dance studio. She usually taught in the afternoons. When she wasn't teaching class or giving Jenna her weekly private dance lesson, she would often go to the studio anyway, just to dance by herself. Then she would come home in the evening, and Quinn would make dinner. Family dinner was still a must for Quinn.

After six months, it seemed like things had all but returned to normal. The one thing that had not returned, though, was Santana to the bedroom that she and Quinn used to share. As time had passed Quinn had started inviting Santana in at night, and those invites increased with frequency as time went on, but Santana was still not officially sleeping in the same bed as Quinn. Nor had Quinn put her rings back on. They had spoken about both of these issues in their Thursday night talks. Santana would ask when Quinn thought she would be ready. Quinn would tell Santana that she didn't know, but that both would happen when she was ready. She told Santana that moving slow wasn't because she loved Santana any less than she did before, or that she was keeping options open. It was because she loved Santana too much to take the chance of being hurt again. Santana repeatedly promised to never hurt Quinn again, but Quinn said she just needed to be sure, and only time would tell. She couldn't tell Santana when that would be, but Quinn would know when she was, and she would let Santana know as well. It wasn't what Santana had wanted to hear, but they had pledged to be honest with each other. Santana wanted both to happen more quickly than they were, but she realized that it was Quinn's decision to make whenever she was ready, just as she realized that it was her actions that had set Quinn off on the process of becoming single again in the first place. So, they had settled into a place that was analogous to seeing one another, except that they lived in the same house and had a daughter together.

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

Santana finished her makeup and put on her earrings. She was taking Quinn out to dinner. For the first few months since Santana had quit the Rangers, all dinners had been at home, and all outings had been as a family. Quinn had wanted to focus first on the entire family, and Santana had agreed. Within the last few months, she and Quinn had started going out, just the two of them, first lunches while Jenna was at school, and then dinners. They were taking steps towards rebuilding their relationship and being a happy, loving couple again, not just parents to the daughter they both loved.

Tonight, Santana was taking Quinn out on a 'mystery date'. This is a game that Santana had started with Quinn a few months ago. Santana would pick a restaurant and not tell Quinn which place it was. Then she would drive, order and pay. She had done this a few times with Quinn in the past couple of months. Most of the time Quinn, the foodie, liked to pick the restaurants when they went out, but once in a while she enjoyed Santana's little culinary game.

Santana looked at herself in the mirror one last time and then shut off the light in the hallway bathroom. She walked to the bedroom that she and Quinn used to share and knocked on the door.

"Hi", Santana said.

Quinn was just putting on her shoes. She looked up at Santana. "Hi".

"You look nice, babe", Santana said. Quinn was wearing a black dress and black slingback heels.

Quinn smiled and looked at Santana. "So do you, hon." Santana was wearing black dress pants, a long sleeve dark red top and black high heeled boots.

Santana smiled. "So…ready?"

"Yeah", Quinn smiled. Santana ushered Quinn to walk in front of her, and they headed towards the living room. Jenna was sitting on the couch, eating a bowl of ice cream. The baby sitter with the pink hair and nose ring was sitting next to her, reading Jenna a book.

"Bye, Bunny", Quinn and Santana said in turn. They each bent over and kissed Jenna on the top of her head.

"Bye, Mommy. Bye Mama", Jenna said. She looked up and kissed her Mommy and Mama on the cheek.

"Well, okay then", Quinn said to no one in particular. To the baby sitter she said, We'll be back in a few hours". Then the two women left the house and walked towards the car in the driveway.

"You know, despite her appearance, she's not a bad baby sitter", Santana said and smiled at Quinn. She opened Quinn's car door. "She's actually good with Jenna." Quinn smiled back and rolled her eyes. "Don't start again", she said.

"Shit", Santana said.

"What, hon?" Quinn said, suddenly concerned.

"I forgot my purse. I'll be right back." Santana waited until Quinn was seated in the car and shut her door as Quinn smiled at Santana's forgetfulness and shook her head. Santana ducked back into the house. She came out a minute later with her purse and got into the car.

"Sorry about that", Santana said. She started the engine and then looked at her wife. "Six months out, and I still forget this damn thing sometimes." She smiled sheepishly, waving the purse in her hand in mock exasperation.

Quinn laughed lightly and put her hand on Santana's shoulder, just like she had done right before she and Santana had headed for Quinn's hotel room at Mr. Schue's botched wedding almost ten years ago. "It's okay, hon."

Santana smiled at Quinn and then hit the gas and off they went. They pulled up ten minutes later at the restaurant. It was the Mediterranean bistro that they had gone to right after Santana had first come home, seven and a half months ago.

"Oh, we're going here?" Quinn looked at Santana, puzzled. "Usually when we do this, you pick someplace I haven't been".

Santana looked at Quinn. "Well, after the last time we did this, I figured I'd take you someplace I know you like." Santana smiled, a little embarrassed. The last time Santana had tried this, she had taken Quinn to a Mexican restaurant on the outskirts of Columbus. At the time, Quinn had said she enjoyed the meal, but in their next Thursday night meeting, Quinn had imparted that she thought it was the worst Mexican food she had ever eaten, though she told Santana that with a smile on her face.

"Oh, hon, it was fine. I mean, that's part of the adventure of these 'mystery dates', right?"

"Well, think of it this way. You still don't know what I ordered." Santana touched the tip of Quinn's nose with her finger.

Quinn smiled and then said, "Hey – this is really nice. Thank you."

Santana smiled back, leaned in and kissed Quinn on the lips. "Thank you, for letting me take you."

They got out of the car and headed for the restaurant. They checked in and were seated at a table near the back. The hostess did not bring menus. Quinn looked around as they were seated as she always did, admiring the décor. Then she looked at Santana and said, "Hey, isn't this the same table we were sitting at the last time we were here?"

"Yeah, maybe, I don't know. Can't remember", Santana said dismissively. Then she started to get up. "Hey, babe, I have to use the restroom. Will you order me a drink?"

"Uh, sure. What do you want? Beer?"

"Mmmmmmm, you know what? No. I'll have whatever you're having tonight."

"But I'm drinking wine, hon. You don't like wine."

"You know what? Tonight, I will like wine", Santana said and smiled.

"Are you sure?" Quinn asked and raised a skeptical eyebrow.

"Yes, I am sure. At least for tonight", Santana said and then smiled. "Plus, I ordered the food, so you can order the drinks." She winked at Quinn and then went to the bathroom.

The waiter came and Quinn ordered a bottle of wine. He did not ask if the table needed any food. Santana must have called in the order beforehand. A little unorthodox, Quinn thought, but then again, so was Santana.

The waiter returned with a bottle of wine. Santana returned and sat down.

"So", Quinn asked, "What's the occasion?"

"Huh?" Santana asked as she took a sip of wine. She grimaced at the tartness. Quinn laughed.

"See?" Quinn said. "That's why I asked. I know you don't like wine that much."

"No, babe – it's fine", Santana said, still wincing a bit but trying her best to cover it up.

"So…?" Quinn asked.

"So…what?"

"What's the occasion?" Quinn asked again.

"I don't know. Is there one?

"Well, we usually only come here on special occasions."

"Uh, I guess. But, I mean, do I need a special occasion to take my…my…" Santana wanted to say "wife" but stopped herself. She wasn't exactly sure where she and Quinn were at with that. Technically, they were still married, and things were going well, but Santana wasn't quite sure how to refer to Quinn at this current stage of their relationship. She continued, "my…well, the most beautiful woman in the world and the mother of my daughter, on a date?"

Quinn laughed. "No, of course not, hon." She looked at Santana and said, "Thanks for taking me out. I'm having a nice night."

Santana smiled at Quinn and took another sip of wine. Then she looked at Quinn and said, "Q?"

"Yes…?" Quinn drew out the word.

"Okay, there is kind of a special occasion tonight."

"Okay…?" Quinn drew out that word as well.

Santana took a deep breath. "So, this was the place where we came when I first got back, right?"

"Yes", Quinn confirmed what they both already knew.

"And, it was at this place, and yes, in fact, at this very table, where I promised you I would never leave you again." Santana was starting to get nervous. Stay calm, she told herself.

Quinn looked at Santana, and then looked down. "Yes, I remember", she said.

Santana reached across the table and took Quinn's hand. Quinn looked up at her with big, green eyes.

"Well, I want to try again. Tonight. I want to make the commitment to stay with you forever, and never leave you again."

Quinn smiled slightly but didn't say anything. She had thoughts, but words were getting caught in her throat. She really did love this woman in front of her. They had been through a lot, but through it all, she had always loved her, and she still loved her, just as much as she always had. She was about to say something but saw Santana look up. She looked up and saw the waiter. He was carrying two plates, both with lids on them. That was quick, she thought. She hadn't expected the food to be out so soon.

"Oh – food's here", Santana said, as she let go of Quinn's hand. The waiter set one plate down in front of Quinn and the other one down in front of Santana. Santana looked down for a moment, and then started at Quinn.

"What?" Quinn said, when she noticed Santana staring at her.

Santana looked at the waiter and nodded. The waiter removed both lids. Quinn looked down, and her jaw dropped. In the middle of her plate sat her engagement ring. In the middle of Santana's plate sat her wedding ring. Quinn gasped and stared at Santana. Tears started to form in her eyes, and her throat went dry. She managed to get out, "San…"

Santana took both rings, one in each hand, and got down on one knee. By now, other tables had noticed that something was happening and were staring. Santana looked into Quinn's eyes, took a deep breath, exhaled and started to speak.

"Quinn Fabray-Lopez, just about six years ago, I asked you to marry me, and you said yes. You made me the happiest woman in the world." Santana smiled, took a deep breath, and then continued. "Just over six months ago, you asked me to promise that I'd never leave you alone, and I said yes." She looked down for a second and then looked back up. "I didn't honor that promise, and it's something I will always regret. But tonight, right here, right now, I want to make the commitment to you, that I will stay with you forever and always, and that I will never leave you, ever again.

Quinn's jaw quivered, and tears started running down her face. She tried to speak but couldn't. Santana moved closer to Quinn, and then lowered her voice and continued on.

"I brought both of your rings. You choose which one feels right to you, given where we are right now with things." Santana held up one ring in each hand.

"San…" Quinn said again. "H-h-h-how did you get my rings…on these plates…"

"I ran back in the house and got them after I put you in the car." Santana gave Quinn a sly smile. "I didn't really forget my purse." Quinn figured out the rest – Santana had given them to the waiter right after they had arrived at the restaurant, when she went to 'use the restroom'.

"San…" Quinn said for the third time in a row. She looked at Santana. Tears were forming in Santana's eyes as well, and Quinn tried to speak but couldn't. So many emotions were hitting her at once. She wanted to be with this woman, and she wanted this woman to be with her. Forever and always. She took a deep breath and then moved her ring finger towards the engagement ring in Santana's right hand. Santana slid the ring on her finger and then moved to kiss Quinn.

"Wait-", Quinn managed to gasp, in a voice barely more audible than a whisper. She moved her ring finger towards the wedding ring in Santana's left hand. Santana moved to slide the ring on and then stopped. She looked at Quinn, who looked back at her.

"B-b-babe…are you sure…"

"Y-y-y-yes", Quinn managed to squeak out. "I'm sure, hon. I'm sure." She wiggled her ring finger slightly, and Santana slid the wedding ring on. Santana looked up, tears in her eyes.

"I love you, Lucy Quinn", Santana said. "Forever and always." Her lips started to press against Quinn's as tears of joy streamed down her face.

Quinn let go, and her own tears of joy came flooding down her face. "I love you too, Santana Lopez. Forever and always."

Quinn's lips touched Santana's, and the restaurant broke into applause. Then Santana pulled Quinn into an embrace, and the two women lost themselves in the sweetest hug two humans have ever experienced. Santana pulled back and looked at her wife. She put her forehead against Quinn's and smiled the biggest smile of her life. Quinn smiled the biggest smile back, and Santana thought, "I will never, ever, leave my wife, or my daughter, ever again."

_**THE END**_

Again, I hope you have enjoyed the story, and I think you for reading. I may write another epilogue that takes place a few years later, as well as some notes on the story. Thanks again!


	24. Epilogue 2

So, I wrote an additional epilogue. It takes place five years after the previous epilogue. It doesn't further the story too much, since the story is already over, but it gives a nice glimpse into the life of the Lopez family, and it also follows up on a few things, including one important facet of Santana's life.

Epilogue 2 – 5 years later

"Alpha Team, move out", Captain Santana Lopez spoke into the comm mic attached to her helmet. The team moved silently through the jungle-like woods. The late-morning sun blazed in the sky. Santana wiped the sweat from her brow and checked her MP-5 9 mm submachine gun to make sure her weapon was hot. Her team had been tracking the enemy through this swamp-infested hell hole since dawn and were now approaching the target compound. Their mission was to breach the compound and eliminate all hostiles. It was a straight-ahead clean and sweep mission, and Santana was leading the raid team. Right where I belong, Santana thought. Focused and with purpose. She approached the compound perimeter and halted her team.

"Briggs, set the charges", Santana commanded. Briggs, the team's explosives expert, approached the main gate of the compound.

"Tony, Chen – cover Briggs". Tony and Chen got into cover position and raised their weapons.

"Alpha Team – get ready to move in on my command", Santana spoke into the mic. She closed her eyes and savored the rush of adrenaline coursing through her veins. God, I love this feeling, she thought. She opened her eyes and saw Briggs scurrying for cover. Here it comes, she thought. Three…two...

-BOOM-

A grenade went off behind her.

"Fuuuuuuuck!" She heard two of her men scream.

"Grab them!" Santana ordered Avery, who was standing next to her. Avery scurried to check on the two men hit by the grenade. "Alpha Team – move in!" Santana yelled, and she and her team stormed the compound.

Hostiles where everywhere. Bullets flew threw the air. Tat-tat! Tat-tat! Santana squeezed off four rounds. Two hostiles went down. Santana rounded a corner and saw two more hostiles. Tat-tat. Tat-tat. Two more hostiles went down. She approached a double door. She kicked it in and went through, her MP-5 leading the way. She was about to breach the inner sanctum of the compound when she saw a man. He froze and put his hands in the air. "Don't shoot! Don't shoot!" he screamed.

Santana lowered her weapon slightly. "Get on the ground!" she yelled. The man didn't move. "Get on the ground, now!" she yelled again.

And then she heard it. Tat-tat! Tat-tat! She turned around slowly. A hostile had his gun trained on her. She stared in disbelief, and the man smiled. She reached behind her back and felt the wetness oozing across her fatigues. The man smiled wider, and then shot her point blank in the chest.

"Boom! You're dead, Lopez!" He smiled as wide as he could, as if he had just caught the winning fish in the Bassmasters tournament. He tilted his head to the sky and yelled, "Alpha Team leader is down! Yeehaw!" A chorus of whoops came back, as well as a handful of boos and expletives.

"Fuck!" Santana said, as she wiped the paint off of her fatigues with her fingers and looked at it in disbelief. "I can't believe I fucking fell for that."

The decoy who put his hands up, whose name was Burke, laughed. "Hot Damn, Lopez. Good thing that never happened in Afghanistan, or Somalia, or wherever you used to operate when you were in the Rangers."

"Fuck!" Santana said again, and the man who shot her, whose name was Reed, laughed out loud. "Well, shit! Who woulda guessed that this former Navy boy would have been the one to take out former Army Ranger Alpha Team leader, Sergeant First Class Santana Lopez." Reed called out again. "And that's the ball game, boys and girls!"

The match was over, and players from both teams had started to gather around. They were at a paintball course just outside of Columbus. Santana and her team played every weekend. There were sixteen teams total, and they rotated battling each other. She had joined the team she was on just over three years ago. It had actually been Quinn's suggestion that Santana try paintball. Quinn had thought that maybe Santana would enjoy it as a substitute for actual combat. Santana had scoffed at first, but she decided to give it a try, and she found that she actually really enjoyed it. The planning, the stalking through the woods, the team camaraderie - it all reminded her of being in the Rangers. Of course, it wasn't quite the same as actual combat, but she discovered that she actually did get an adrenaline rush out of it. Plus, she was surprised to find that quite a few ex-military personnel played. Some of the guys she played with were ex-special ops soldiers, and a few of them had heard of her. When they told the rest of the players who she was, the players on Santana's team had named their team Alpha Team in honor of her and had appointed her team captain.

"Fuck!" Santana said for the third time. "I just can't fucking believe that." She looked at her team, who had gathered around. "Sorry guys, my fault."

"It's alright, Captain", Briggs said. "They nailed Avery, too". Sarah Avery, Santana's second in command, had been ambushed on the other side of the compound and had taken six paint pellets to the body.

"Alright, y'all," Reed said as he started leading both teams off the course and back to the parking lot. "It's hot, and I'm fuckin' hungry. Who's in for lunch?" Half a dozen players from both teams raised their hands.

"Lopez, you wanna go?" Sarah asked. Sarah and Santana had become friends. Both were former women combat vets, fitness enthusiasts, and mothers of young children. Santana had found that the general large group that participated in these paintball matches was a pretty tight group, and she had become friends with some of the other players on her team and on other teams.

"No, I can't", Santana said. "I gotta get home. Jenna has a dance competition this afternoon."

Sarah scoffed. "You're gonna make me sit through lunch alone with these animals?" She looked over at Reed and then Briggs. Briggs blew Sarah a kiss. "Too much damn testosterone", she said, as she rolled her eyes and shook her head.

Santana laughed. "All right, you guys, I gotta get rollin'. See you guys next week." She shook hands with a bunch of the players, gave Sarah a quick hug, jumped in her car and headed home.

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

The auditorium fell silent as the judges prepared to announce the scores and winner of the 12th Annual North Columbus Junior Dance Competition. Jenna was standing with the rest of her troupe from Kessler Children's Academy. At nine years old, she was the youngest of the ten children in her group, but her talent had already been recognized, and she had been assigned a lead in one of the three routines for the day. She stood with her troupe and coach, hands linked, awaiting the judges final scores.

"You remember when we used to do that at Glee Club competitions?" Quinn said about linking hands and looked over at Santana.

"Of course", Santana said, and she quickly reminisced. Jenna's family was sitting in the stands. Santana was leaning forward in anticipation, an intense and anxious look on her face. Quinn was sitting next to her, less-intense but equally anxious.

"Mommy, did Jenna win?"

Quinn looked down. Staring back at her was the beautiful face of her and Santana's younger daughter, Maria. Quinn touched Maria's nose with her finger and smiled. Maria had Santana's nose. Santana's nose and Santana's eyes. In fact, she pretty much looked like mini-Santana. No surprise, there, Quinn thought, since Santana was Maria's biological mother. Santana and Quinn had used the same donor that they had used for Jenna, so the two girls would be biologically related. Jenna had gotten the donor's olive Latin skin, but her golden blond hair and angelic features took after Quinn.

"Munchkin, we're waiting for the judges to tell us who will win", Quinn said, and kissed her daughter on her head.

"Jenna better win." Maria was definitely mini-Santana, through and through. Even at the young age of four, she was already running the Lopez household with her competitive and strong-willed personality.

Santana looked over at her daughter, who was sitting on Quinn's lap. "Munchkin, it's not about winning. It's about…having fun."

"Says the woman who came home this morning raging about how she got shot and lost the match for her paintball team", Quinn chided, and shot her wife a sly smile.

"Listen, blondie. There's a difference between a dancing competition and-"

"Yeah, yeah, I know", Quinn winked at her wife to show she was just giving her a hard time and put up her hand in a pacifying gesture. Santana shot Quinn a mock scowl.

"Shhhhhhhh!" A man two rows back hissed at them. Santana whirled around, gave the man an icy stare and was about to say something when Quinn put her hand on Santana's shoulder and gave her a slight massage. Santana calmed down and turned back around. She looked at Quinn and smiled apologetically for almost losing her temper. Quinn smiled back, an understanding smile.

"And the winner is… Kessler Children's Academy!" The judge's voice boomed throughout the auditorium. The audience broke into applause. Jenna and her dance troupe jumped up and down as their coach smiled and clapped. Jenna looked at her parents in the stands and pointed at them, and Santana and Quinn both started to cry.

"Jenna won?" Maria asked and looked at her Mommy.

"Yes, Munchkin, Jenna won!" Quinn said to Maria.

"Yay, Jenna!" Maria said and clapped. Santana looked over, and she and Quinn shared a quick kiss, and then Santana and Quinn both kissed their younger daughter, one on each cheek.

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

Jenna walked into the living room. "Dinner's ready", she announced to her Mama and her little sister, then went back into the kitchen to help Quinn set the table. Jenna had become quite the little cook and hostess. Just like her Mommy, Santana thought and smiled. She put down the book she was reading to Maria and picked Maria up off the couch.

"Come on, Munchkin", Santana said. "Let's go eat." The two of them joined Quinn and Jenna at the dining room table. The Lopez family was having steak, twice-baked potatoes and julienne vegetables for dinner.

"Here, you're supposed to do it like this", Jenna said to Maria, who was having trouble putting butter on her potato. She reached over to help her little sister.

"I can do it", Maria said, and clenched down on the butter knife she was holding.

"Munchkin, let your sister help you", Santana said. Maria looked at her Mama, pouted, and then relinquished her knife to Jenna. She continued to pout as Jenna helped her out.

Santana looked at Quinn. "No, she's not stubborn", she said sarcastically with a smile.

"I wonder where she gets that from", Quinn said. Santana looked at her wife, and Quinn raised her eyebrows. Santana smiled sheepishly, and they both looked at Jenna as she helped Maria.

"She's so good with her", Santana said of Jenna helping her little sister.

"I wonder where she gets that from", Quinn said, as she raised an eyebrow and looked at her wife, no sarcasm in her voice.

"Me, obviously", Santana said, and winked at Quinn. Quinn smiled back, rolled her eyes and shook her head.

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

Later that night, Quinn and Santana were on the living room couch. They had put Maria to bed a couple of hours before, and Jenna had just gone to bed. Santana was half-lying on the couch. Quinn was snuggled into her, and Santana was playing with her hair. They had continued reserving one night a week for their talks, although since Maria had been born the night on which those talks happened varied. Raising two children was definitely more time-consuming than raising one, and they realized that they didn't really need to set a specific night to talk anymore, but they still kept one night a week to spend time alone, just the two of them. These days their talks rarely centered around anything serious. They had progressed to the point where issues rarely came up, but they still pledged to be open and honest with each other should anything surface. Plus, they both realized that the time they spent alone together had led them to a deeper understanding and appreciation of each other, and was vital to maintaining a happy relationship.

"So, have you emotionally recovered from your unceremonious death today?" Quinn said, referring to Santana being shot on the paintball course earlier that morning. Santana hadn't stopped bemoaning it the whole day.

"No, damn it." Santana rolled her eyes. "God, it was so embarrassing".

"Well, that guy who shot you, isn't he ex-military?"

"Yeah – a frog", Santana said with disdain, displaying the rivalry that existed between the army and the navy.

"Oh, and I suppose there's no way that anyone could possibly get the better of an Army Ranger, right? Especially the famed former leader of Alpha Team, Sergeant First Class Santana Lopez", Quinn teased. She looked up at Santana and smiled.

"Alright, blondie. That's enough." Santana realized Quinn was just teasing her, but she let a bit of mock edge creep into her voice for effect.

"Well, I'd rather you get shot playing paintball than…" Quinn was about to say "in real life" but then stopped herself. Even though she and Santana had progressed to the point where talking about Santana's time in the Rangers was no longer a painful subject, Quinn realized she didn't need to go that far to make her point, so she let it hang.

Santana sighed. "Yeah, but still…" Santana was still dwelling on losing the game for her team.

Quinn batted her eyes at Santana. "Look, hon, I know you're bummed out about losing today, and I also know you've said that paintball isn't quite the same as being in the Rangers but", Quinn paused and then continued, "at least you're able to come home if you get shot in a paintball game".

"Yup, true enough", Santana acknowledged, "and, I'm actually at a point where I say that I'm one hundred and ten percent happy to trade the extra adrenalin that comes with being shot at for being able to come home to my family", Santana said and looked into her wife's eyes.

Quinn stared at Santana with love and understanding. She kissed Santana on the lips and then nestled back into her wife's arms.

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

The Lopez family was at the park. Maria was swinging on the monkey bars. Santana stood beside her, encouraging her on. Jenna was a few feet away, showing her Mommy her new dance steps. Quinn stood by smiling, carrying a tote bag with a blanket and lunch for their family picnic.

"Go, Munchkin, go!" Santana cheered.

Maria made it to the end, and Santana helped her down.

"Mama, I made it!"

"Yes, you did, Munchkin! Good job!

"Oh, boy", Quinn said and looked over.

Santana looked at her wife. "What's 'Oh boy', babe?" she asked.

"Just don't tell me I'm going to end up with another Lopez woman on a combat course in the army", Quinn said, and then smiled. It was nice, she thought, that she and Santana were at a place where they could actually trade quips about the army, without any soreness or sensitivity.

Santana stared at Quinn for a second, then a slight smile crossed her face, and she winked at Quinn. Quinn just smiled shook her head, then started unpacking the picnic bag.

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

Author's note:

When I first started writing this story, I really didn't think anyone would read it, let alone comment on it. I figured I would be writing and posting a story for myself, just because I wanted to write it. Needless to say, the response and feedback has far exceeded any expectations that I had, so I thought I'd share some of my thoughts on the story, for those of you who are interested.

I didn't really know anything about the Army Rangers or child psychology before I started writing this story, so I did a bit of research. Honestly, I still don't know much about either, and my apologies once again if my references are not factually 100% correct. As I said at the beginning of the story, I referenced both just to set context and drive the story. Hopefully both served that purpose. Also, I don't know much about children, but what I do know, and what I did write about, was modeled after my experiences with my beloved 4 year-old niece, as well as talks I have had with her parents - my brother and my sister-in-law.

Ultimately, the story isn't about the army or children or child psychology, though. It's about making touch choices between two important things, when you can only have one of those things, and about how the choices you make affect those around you. Sometimes, if the choice you need to make is extremely tough, you may bounce back and forth before the right choice becomes clear. The story is also about leaving one world, entering another, and trying to find purpose and make sense of that new world. Thirdly, the story is about communication. Every success we have stems from communication and working together. Without communication, things fall apart. Without working together, problems can't be solved, and we can't move forward. And, finally, the story is about the power of love, the virtue of forgiveness, and the miracle of second chances. Sometimes you love someone so much that you just can't help but love them, no matter what they do or what they put you through. And, everyone has, at one point or another, messed up and wanted a second chance. I know I have, and I am grateful for those second chances that I have been given.

I realize the story was at times tough to read. I wanted to create an experience that the reader would really feel, not just gloss over. I know there were some intense moments, and I received some pretty heated feedback. I also exaggerated some of the action in the story, and I realize that some of it may not be viewed as realistic. However, as I said before, all good stories have conflict. People don't enjoy boring stories. Also, the greater the conflict, the more satisfying the resolution. In the interest of creating the most intense conflict to produce the most satisfying resolution, I opted for a slightly more "Hollywood-esque" route and climax, as opposed to taking the easier, probably more realistic, yet in the end possibly less climactic route. I was originally going to have Santana agree to not rejoin the army and come back home to Quinn and Jenna after she spoke with Rachel in Chapter 17, but I rolled the dice and chose the more improbable, more intense, yet hopefully more climactic route and ending. Judging by the feedback I received on Chapter 18 in both reviews and personal messages, it seems like I at least raised the tension to a higher level than it would have been had I taken the "safer" route. Also, I realize that some of the action in the story, particularly Santana's actions in Chapters 16 and 18, didn't sit well with some people. Again, I received some heated feedback, and I appreciate that as much as the positive feedback. Like I said – this was my first story, so all feedback is appreciated (minus any blatant insults, which I got as well. Those got deleted.). Again, the goal of the story was not to portray Santana (who is my favorite character on the show) as a heartless villain, but rather as a complex character, feeling complex emotions, who is trying to find her purpose in an unfamiliar world and who is torn between making a tough choice between the people she loves – Quinn and Jenna - and the life that fulfills two of her strongest needs – purpose and recognition.

A final thought – although I don't know much about the military and have never served myself, I do know people who have. A few of them have served in elite units, such as the Army Rangers or Navy SEALs, and from what I know through talks with them, adjusting back to civilian life has been a challenging and confusing endeavor. Again, as many of you have pointed out, there really should be no choice between duty to your country and duty to your own family, but be that as it may, reintegration into civilian society is much more difficult for many former soldiers than the average person might think. Combine that fact with the Hollywood-esque ending I chose to pursue, and, well, there you have this story.

Thank you again for reading.


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